I see it like this.

When I married my Husband, I promised to love him. Forever. Til death do us part. It was a promise I made for him as well as for myself (and, though we didn't have our own children yet, for the sake of our children). And, ya know what? He annoys me sometimes. I talk of my love for him and how great he is, but the facts remain:

His feet stink. He leaves laundry on the floor of the bedroom. Sometimes he forgets to call when he gets places so I don't have an anxiety attack about him being dead along side the road. He knows how to press my buttons. He challenges me to be better than I am… which can get annoying. And of course…

Sometimes he doesn't do what he says he will do… even though I really needed him to do it. And, even still, sometimes he hurts my feelings with what he does or said. 

But when he does either of the latter two things, I don't file for divorce. Why? I made a promise. I promised to love him forever.

Granted, an open adoption relationship between first and adoptive parents is not the same as a marriage. I'm not saying to treat it as such. I am simply saying that using the "she forgot to send me/the child a birthday card," "I don't like the way she talks to me," or, "It's just too damn hard" excuses simply don't cut it in my book. I don't give a rat's rear end how darn hard it is: deal with it. You promised someone something. If you're not enjoying how she talks to, tell her. Discuss it with her. If you wish she would send birthday cards, tell her. But don't write her off when she forgets. Lives get busy. Remember that time your Husband forgot your birthday? What? He's perfect? He never, ever forgot to mail something, pick up the dry cleaning, do a load of laundry or take out the trash? Can I live in your daggone fantasy world?

People are human. They forget to do things. They say things in anger and frustration. Heck, maybe if you'd mail her the daggone pictures you promised her, she wouldn't have such a hard time letting go.

Speaking of: That's the absolute stupidest reason I have ever heard (ever) for closing an adoption. Trouble letting go? Put yourself in her shoes. For one. second. Think about how it would feel to let go of that beautiful little girl. Imagine still having contact with her, even though she was not legally, rightfully or morally yours anymore. Imagine watching that beauty call someone else, "Mom." Tell me it doesn't cut right to your core. I love D. I say that frequently and it is the truth. But when I hear Munchkin call her Mom, with her own lips, it's rough. You never plan for your own child to call someone else Mom. You just don't. Trouble letting go? Grow up and deal with your own emotion on your own time; don't punish someone else for your insecurity.

Now that I've laid out TheHusbandMan's faults, here are some of mine: I sometimes speak without thinking, though this has only been an issue in our adoption twice. I have pretty darn bad anxiety which sometimes prevents me from going straight to J or D with issues that I know need discussed. And, oh, I cuss. But D hasn't closed our adoption. Why? Well, she's a morally responsible human being with a daggone conscience. Duh.

;) This rant was brought to you by stupidity on the forums and the letter S. For the category "Stupid, Stupid People" which sure gets used a lot in these parts. ;)