Who wants to beat their head against the wall?

It's not her fault that the Birthmother can't "let go" she has tried for over a year now….to make things work and "The Birthmother" has proven she is not capable of maintaining a healhty relationship with her bdaughter or bdaughters family at this point.

Oh. I'm fucking sorry. I didn't realize that there was some magic time table in which firstparents were supposed to "let go." Are you serious? Because, certainly, you must jest. I mean, after that magical one year mark, a firstmom is just supposed to wake up, sit up in bed and think, "Oh! That whole adoption thing? I'm soooo over it?" Do you realize how stupid that sounds (and how stupid it makes you look for uttering such nonsense?)? My own grief didn't begin until well after the first magical year had past and I realized, "Shit; this is deep." For pity's sake, I wish I thought you were joking. But no. You're just that cold and callous.

Here's the newsflash: many a firstparent is never going to "get over" the adoption or "let go" of their child. We let go of them physically. The only claim we have left of our placed children is the emotional one in our hearts. Yes, we have bad days. If you can't deal with it, I question where your issues of insecurity stem from! Ask yourself that.

Moving on.

I will never, sans emotional or physical threats or abuse, understand parents shutting a firstparent out of their lives. You cannot possibly justify it to me. Your Husband doesn't like it? Get marital counseling and come to a better, mutual conclusion. Don't let him walk all over you, your daughter, the firstmom and your sorry excuse for a marriage. Your neighbor doesn't like it? Don't give them a cup of sugar. Your adoptive parent friends are uncomfortable with it? Advise them to find where THEIR own insecurities stem from. Your Mom doesn't like it? Remind her that you're no longer a child and can make your own decisions.

Oh wait. No you can't.