"The peace we seek to win is not victory over any other people, but the peace that comes with healing in its wings; with compassion for those who have suffered; with understanding for those who have opposed us; with the opportunity for all the peoples." -Richard NixonApparently I'm not allowed to tell my own story. Apparently I'm only here for informational purposes, not to try to get through my own issues or write down our story for memory's sake. Apparently I have to be politically correct at all times. Apparently I can't be emotional. Apparently I can't tell my story which involves the fact that open adoption isn't legally binding. In my state. Let me go on just so the reading masses understand.
Let me just quote the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, because, God forbid, someone look it up for themselves:
Approximately 18 States (Arizona, California, Connecticut, Florida, Indiana, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, Washington, and West Virginia) currently have legislation allowing written and enforceable adoption with contact agreements. In many of these States, the statutes incorporate the substance of the language recommended by the Guidelines, while in other States (notably New York and South Dakota), provisions pertaining to the contents and enforcement of the agreements are not specified.
That said, here are the guidelines for legislation:
Adoption is irrevocable, and the birth parent's voluntary relinquishment may not be set aside, even if the post-adoption agreement is modified, set aside, or parties fail to comply. The court may approve the agreement only if all parties, including a child over the age of 12, agree on its provisions, and the court finds the agreement is in the best interests of the child. The court may approve post-adoption contact ranging from occasional exchanges of cards, photographs and information to regular personal visits, in whatever level of detail the parties agree to and the court deems appropriate. Any party to the agreement may petition the court to modify the agreement, order compliance, or to void the agreement. The court may order compliance, modify, or void the agreement only if the parties agree or circumstances have changed, and any action is in the best interests of the child.
And then, to get to my story, if I'm allowed to tell that here, here's PA:
Pennsylvania Not addressed in statutes reviewed
And, if you can't figure out how to google the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse to check this information out for yourself, you can click here. I've even gone to the right page so you can investigate you own state.
And so, let me clarify for the masses: this is my blog. This is our story. This is how the Munchkin came to be and what we are doing nowadays. If I say "open adoption is not legally enforceable," and I'm not writing about someone else (i.e. an article, someone else's blog or someone else's adoption), chances are, I'm talking about our own adoption. Chances are that I don't really feel the need to clarify and reclarify and rereclarify every last law that doesn't apply to me.
Yes, some open adoptions are "legally binding." Know what? Mine isn't. Know what sucks? Mine isn't. Know what upsets me to talk about? Ones that are. Know what ticks me off to no end? That my daggone agency didn't have the common decency to tell me that, oh, hey Jenna! Open adoptions aren't legally binding in your state and, you know what, you coulda been fucked. To say that I'm making a sweeping generalization just because I said "open adoptions are not legally binding" while speaking about OUR OWN DAMN ADOPTION is not only rude but it shows a lack of reading comprehension. There is a difference between dispersing information and telling our story. I'm the last one who is going to make a "sweeping generalization" because I hate them. And, you usually make generalizations about people… not laws which are inanimate objects. I could be "paraphrasing." But not making a generalization. Even still, I don't have to write out every last law when I'm telling our story.
"My agency didn't inform me that Open Adoptions aren't legally enforceable in my state. However, they are in Louisiana. If only I lived in Louisiana! Then all of this anger I feel would just miraculously go away!"
That's the ticket.
So, to revisit the topic: this is our story. It's not your story. It's not the story of someone with a legally binding adoption. But I'll be sure to be more politically correct from here on out so that the reading masses don't get confused as to the ins and outs of open adoption. Because, ya know. If I was researching something about adoption, I would turn, solely, to this blog and this blog alone. Not adoption.com. Not the NAIC. Not, ya know, an attorney. Just this blog.
Because I'm apparently supposed to know it all and then I'm supposed to make that information properly available to the world's fingertips at large.
Yeah. Comments? Turned off. Fuck it. Someday I'll rewrite the post that I wrote tonight that had to be deleted because, oh, I wasn't politically correct. It's a shame. It was a good post.
PS - Think I should print this one out for the "anger list?"
