The nightmares continue. (Now with twins!) The random bouts of tears have become fewer and further between but still happen. Including at work where one of the soap operas I am forced (and paid) to watch, just made a character suffer a miscarriage. Figures. Then there was some adoption talk, too. It's always fun.

J and I are planning a memorial for Rose. It's slow going since we've been inundated with crazy schedules on both ends and nothing but unending rain for a week and a half. Eventually, we plan on taking J's Grandpa's boat out to Salt Fork, finding a quiet spot of our own, and sprinkling petals from my rosebush(es) while reciting something that we've both written.

Neither of us have written something as of yet. I have so much to say and nothing at all. I know it will come to me, eventually. I will be taking pictures, of course, to forever capture this memorial. To remind us of a life lost far too quickly. To remind me that I have three children.

This grief is new and I don't like it much. I have newer compassions, however, and my heart breaks for all of those in the sisterhood that I have unwillingly joined. I wouldn't wish this pain, this loss, on my greatest enemy. I'm working towards some kind of peace. I think the memorial will bring more of that in my direction. I also have the pregnancy and infant loss ribbon charm on my bracelet as well as an angel holding February's birthstone. February 20th would have been her due date. Amethyst is pretty.

I have my good days and bad. What to write.. what to write..