J and I got to get away and enjoy a concert on Friday. Goo Goo Dolls and Counting Crows, the latter being a favorite of mine and the former being a favorite of the Husband. We both enjoyed a good night of music and complete sweatiness.

Of course, a concert would be complete if Jenna wasn’t brought to tears. The Crows ended their set with A Long December. I was fine. I was a-okay. I was just enjoying the piano and the variations and the summer and my Husband and the stars. And then… SLAM!

I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

Slam. Even now, reading the lyrics in the front of my face, I was instantaneously transported back to my ground level hospital room, watching the snow fall as I clutched my Munchkin so tightly. Both of my children were born on snowy days. All the things I could not show her… like how strong I really am or how I am a good Mom or how much fun we could have had together… had I been strong enough.

I guess December will always be hard. No matter how hard I try to fill it with other meaningful days. No matter how many birthday parties I go to. No matter how many presents or gifts or cards I send…

I still failed my Baby Girl. And that sucks.