So, after watching the update of this story on Dateline last night, I sent the following email this morning:
Dateline Writers;
First and foremost, I commend you for tackling what is not an easy subject. It is one that also needs to be talked about in mainstream media so that more people become aware of these issues. You had a few issues regarding appropriate, non-coercive language that you should take note of for future stories. You should not refer to an expectant Mother as a birthmother prior to her signing of the Termination of Parental Rights. Even “potential birthmother” is taking it a step too far. She is, for all legal rights and purposes, the only Mother of that unborn (or, once born, living) child until those papers are signed. She needs to be respected with proper titles until that time. More over, your line about “potential birthmothers” having every right to “change their mind” was slightly off as well. More respectfully, you could have said that expectant Mothers considering placement are not legally required to place their child. No papers have been signed and, up until the signing of the TPR, she is simply considering placement of her child. Nothing is final. One needs to remember that when speaking of adoption so that people can better understand the processes and human beings involved.
Beyond that, I pose the following questions: Do you plan on doing a story in which an expectant Mother considering adoption has been taken for a ride by a waiting family who acted highly unethically?? A Mother who was considering adoption but made the choice to parent and was then subsequently harassed by the family?
Do you plan on doing a story on Cindy Jordan, a birthmother who took her own life after the adoptive family didn’t hold up their end of the open adoption? Or the thousands of other living women who live knowing that a family lied to them (regarding openness) in order to get the child in their womb?
Do you plan on doing a story about open adoptions, like our own, that work? A story on a family who, despite everything that went wrong with a highly unethical agency and half-wit lawyer, has managed to make an open adoption work like a finely tuned machine? A family who has become extended family, attached merely by the mutual love for a child? A family that is able to put hurt and confusion aside because it is in the best interest of the child?
Where are these positive stories? I understand the need to make people aware of scams: we want to avoid more of these happening to honest, loving couples. But we also want to educate expectant Mothers on what to look for as well as they attempt to make the best possible EDUCATED decision for their own family. And to present one side of a story when adoption is so multi-faceted only helps to keep stereotypes alive. Adoption doesn’t have to be a big, bad scary thing. It’s a reality for so many families in this country; adoptive and biological alike.
My question is this: where are the other stories?
If you’d like to send your own, their email is dateline@nbc.com .
2 Responses to “My Letter to NBC”
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My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
I totally agree with your thoughts on this. I could probably write on this one for a while, but I’ll try not to be too long… We have 2 beautiful little girls (through adoption) Our second one is 5 months old and a couple months before she was born we actually did go through a scam. We had several people give us their opinions on this – some would say, “well maybe the mother decided she didn’t want to place the baby” (wow, as if that wouldn’t have been something we would have thought of but considering she was working with two different agencies and getting living expenses from 2 couples, which is actually illegal….), or they might say maybe she “got her life together” (which really frustrates me like expectant mothers/birthmothers all must in trouble horrible people) or then I had a friend who adopted from Guatemala say “have you ever thought of adopting internationally?” (once again having all the wrong ideas about domestic adoption – probably due to hearing only the bad stories) The truth is we had already been blessed through adoption which maybe is why less than two months after we went through the scam (to which we also quit working with that agency/attorney because I don’t believe he was doing things ethically either) we were able to adopt our second beautiful little girl. When they told us about the mother, when she was due and that she was wanting to see our profile, I called my husband and said “You need to tell me now if you are ready to go ahead with adoption, because I refuse to show her our profile, have her decide she would like to place with us and then decide we aren’t ready because of what we’ve gone through – in essence we would be doing to her what was done to us” I have heard of those stories as well. I have no idea what it is like to be a birthmother, but I know that I love our girls birthmothers and I get real defensive of them when people want to think the negative (due partly to what they’ve heard in the media.) I can’t imagine my life without my girls so I can only imagine what they must be going through. Thanks for posting this!
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I’m doing a report on Adoption, A positive Option, and focusing on information, education and help for birthmom’s and for parents of young women who are pregnant.(for a class) I’m proposing that if we (as American’s) would be more aware of ALL the help, information and even now OPENNESS in adoption – maybe more women would view this beautiful, mysterious thing called adoption, as an option. I looked up Oprah & Dateline NBC and included adoption in the search engine and got your site. I’m touched by your honesty, your heart to learn and the way you Mother… I am an adoptive parent of 2 children(11 year old Nicole and 8 year old Derek) who we are in caring and very open adoptions with. We adore their birthfamilies and, obviously, find our mutual love to be Nicole & Derek – but they also love my other 2 children, who came later – Brandon & Kelsey. It’s an amazing family (and extended family) that we are in awe of everyday, but we don’t see a lot of these healthy and beautiful outcomes on television (which is why I’m writing the report). I will e-mail our story to Dateline!
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