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When I was pregnant with Munchkin, a lot of people went out of their way to tell me that a child deserved two parents and their undivided attention. What they meant was they deserved a Daddy who made lots of money so that Mommy could stay home. And, really, what they meant by that was, “You can’t give a child that so you aren’t worthy.”

I knew I had to work. Even after placing Munchkin, I had to work. There were bills that needed paid. I had to eat. And really, once I got into my career field, not even six months after she was born, I loved working. One thing that drew me to J and D was the fact that D was planning to stay home with the kid(s) for awhile. I wanted my child to have that undivided attention.

Then J and I made the decision to conceive BigBrother. And I said, loud and clear, I would be a successful “working” Mother. (Don’t we all work?) Well, to make a long story short, I just turned in my two week notice at a job I honestly love (minus some issues) to become a Work at Home Mom.

No one told me when I was pregnant with Munchkin that I could work at home. No one said, “Hey, you’re computer literate. You could do a thousand and one things from home.” I was constantly reminded what a bad Mother I would be to the Munchkin because I would have to leave her in daycare all the time just to go work.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m excited that we’ve found a way for me to stay home with our Son. I think it’s awesome and I’m thrilled to the max. I am, honestly, going to miss my job because it was something that I loved and something that I was darn good at. But I’m also a good Mother.

And I’m just frustrated. These things existed in 2003. But everyone told me I would be an awful Mommy for working outside the home. And now I’m working inside our own home. And I feel like I cheated the Munchkin. Again. Always. Forever.

Well, people were wrong — even moms who work outside the home can be good moms. This distinction between moms who work outside the home, moms who work in the home, stay at home moms — is artificial. It simply doesn’t mean that some moms are “better” or more committed than another.

Oh yes, one more thing — this “I was constantly reminded what a bad Mother I would be to the Munchkin because I would have to leave her in daycare all the time just to go work.” is crap too. Lots of great, well-adjusted kids, mine included, come out of daycare. Daycare is not an evil ting. It has been wonderful for my active, social boy. and while I got those comments some, I doubt I got them quite as much simply because I did things the “traditional” way with the husband in tow. Yeah.

It’s really time for “The Mommy Wars” of who makes a better mom, the ones at home or the ones who choose to or have to work outside the home — of who is “better” — for that debate to stop. We all have value to add to our children’s lives individually and together.

gosh Jenna. I am sorry that you were not given the support that you should have been given. Words are lurkers are likely inadequate to heal the demon of regret that you are battling with, but accept this lurker and single mom’s vote of confidence. I remember dealing with the shame and disgrace I felt when I was pregnant with my son…the only way I survived was because my mother said I could do it. I already knew it, but her constant vote of confidence sustained me in the face of everyone elses vote of no confidence.

I am so excited that you now have the opportunity to give BigBrother the one on one attention that he loves.

Can I be nosey? What job did you find where you can work from home?

Blessings
Mary

Hi, Jenna, love your new look! Everybody’s getting makeovers!

This has become my litany: Services for pregnant women should be separated from adoption services because I think it is simply impossible for agencies to seriously assist a woman to keep her child when the prospective adoptive parents are paying fees for their services. It simply makes no sense.

And that’s why, IMO, women aren’t really told all the possibilities that exist to help them keep and parent their children. I’m so sorry it happened in your case, too.

I’m so excited for you! What will you be doing?

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