A family of three died on September 11, 2001. Two amazing Dads and their Son, David. David was adopted. At birth. And was three years old on the day that our Nation changed forever. To read more about David, you can read this beautiful, amazing and touching tribute. Have your tissues ready. I’m serious.
My heart all ready breaks for the family that lost sons and a grandson on that day. Sons. Brothers. Friends. Grandson. Son. Each other. Lovers. Gone. For what? Reminders that hatred is all too prevalent in this world.
But my heart, my mind…
I remember reading about David’s story, his Dads and his death on the first 9/11 anniversary after I placed Munchkin for adoption. I don’t know how or why. I grive on September 11th for many reasons. Maybe I was searching for some kind of connection to adoption and the first day my life changed forever. Somehow, some way, I came across a different tribute. And I wept. So hard. I still weep.
I can’t imagine. I don’t want to imagine. When I try to imagine, my stomach turns and I feel as though I could vomit. To be forced to watch footage of the plane carrying my child into a building over and over and over, every year and even at random, without warning, seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me. Yes, I’m speaking of David’s firstmother.
The tribute linked states that she was a relative of one of the Dad’s. She had another young child all ready. A drug problem was mentioned. She felt as though she couldn’t parent. Didn’t we all feel that way? Yet the vast majority of us don’t have to deal with that choice and its horrific results displayed on our television screens day in and day out. I do believe I would get rid of my television. And the internet. And, even if I didn’t have a drug problem prior to the placement of my child and the events of 9/11, I might very well have one after losing my child. Twice. And in such an awful, horrid fashion.
I can’t imagine the guilt. I already feel as though I’ve failed Munchkin. I wasn’t able to be who I needed to be when she needed me to be that person. Whether you want to argue that I needed to be ready to parent or I needed to be able to simply stand up for myself against the “Powers that Be,” I wasn’t either person. I failed her. Say what you want, that’s my personal belief. But the guilt that accompanies that knowledge is minor compared to what it would be had I placed her with a family and she died on that horrific day. You want to talk about what-if-games? What if I had been able to parent? What if I didn’t contact that agency? What if I stood up for myself? What if what if what if?! Failure. Twice.
How do you explain that to the child you are already parenting, I wonder? It’s one thing to explain that Brother David will be raised by different Fathers. It’s a completely different ordeal to attempt to tackle the concept that we can’t see David anymore because he died. On an airplane. That he wouldn’t have been on. Had I not placed him for adoption. Which I wouldn’t have done. Had I been who I needed to be.
Is your mind reeling? My writing is jumbled. My heart is breaking. And I can’t even begin to grasp how much I would not want to wake up on this day every year. Every year. My decision would be thrown in my face. Every year. The absence of my child would be rubbed like salt in a wound. Every year. Every single year.
And you know what the worst part of it is for me?
That woman, David’s firstmother, has probably never been allowed to fully grieve his loss. As David was adopted by a family member, she surely must know that he died on that flight. I could bet with fair certainty that she has been told, by at least one well-meaning friend or family member that her grief is less than those who were “really involved in his life.” I don’t know if their adoption was open or not; from the sounds of things, it wasn’t. But that doesn’t mean that her heart isn’t broken and shattered.
It is every parent’s worst nightmare to imagine anything happening to their child. I have panic attacks when BigBrother has a cold. He recently fell and hit his cheek on the end table. He has a bruise and I want to get rid of the end tables. And to know that my life decisions eventually lead to the death of my child… would kill me. Literally. Again I would say it’s a pretty safe bet that David would not have been on that plane had his firstmother been able to parent. He would still be alive.
And that guilt, right there, brings me to my knees.
No, I’m not David’s firstmother. But my heart breaks as if he was my own. The only solace I find in this story is that all three (two fathers and a son) were taken together. If this was our adoption, I would know in my heart that as the plane was going down, J and D would be clutching my daughter with all of their being. I’d like to think that maybe, just maybe, they’d give me a thought in their last moments. A prayer that I’d find peace with the loss of everything. Everything.
And today, five years after that awful day in history, my prayers are with an unknown woman whom no one mentions with compassion. Understanding. Or love. Wherever you are, David’s firstmom, may you feel the arms of your beautiful, beautiful Son wrap around your soul today. I pray for your peace.
5 Responses to “The Saddest of Tributes”
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I’ve hesitated responding to this, basically because I don’t know quite how to say what I think, but I’ll try. I very respectfully and gently disagree. I don’t think that David’s firstmother’s decision to not parent him lead to his death. Really, I don’t. Just like I don’t think that any other passenger’s decisions or loved ones’ decisions lead to their deaths — someone’s husband encouraging her to take that earlier flight home, another one’s wife making his travel arrangements for him — I don’t believe that those choices lead to their deaths. None of those people were the ones piloting the planes, making the plans of madmen to try to bring this country down. To me, this is in effect “blaming the victims.” That may not have been your intetion, but that seems to be the end result. You know? And I just don’t think there is that kind of cause-and-effect.
There are so many things in life that are beyond our control. NONE of us can see the future or I’m sure there are a world of things that all of us would do differently. David’s birthmother made the best decision she could make at the time that she made it. She made the BEST choice she could make at the time that she made it with the resources and information available to her at that time. That’s all she could do. That’s all any of us could do. That’s all that the friends, family, and business associates of the other passengers of Flight 93, the other flights, and those who died in the World Trade Center and the Pentagon could do. There are thousands more who could echo their “What ifs?” alongside David’s firstmother — What if I hadn’t encouraged him to take that job? What if I had told her to stay home when she had a cold on that day? What if he had taken our child to the Dr. instead of me? What if she had gone to that out-of-town meeting instead of cancelling it?
Or instead of me going?
But the truth is that each person, each loved one, each business associate MADE THE BEST DECISION THAT THEY COULD MAKE AT THE TIME THAT THEY MADE IT. That is truly all they could do. That is all any of us are expected to do. That’s all that God asks us to do. None of them is responsible for anyone of those 2,996 deaths. Not one of them. The people who planned and carried out those vicious, cruel, heinous attacks are the ones responsible for those deaths. The friends, family, and business associates are not the ones who planned or carried out the attacks. They are simply not to be blamed in any way, shape or form. The simple, horrifying fact is that bad things DO happen to good people. They happen every day, without rhyme or reason. Not because of one decision by ANY one person (except the person who has committed the crime). That’s a heck of a thing to lay on someone. But they sometimes happen due to the evil inherent in OTHER people, and that’s what so unfortunately happened on 9-11-2001.
Of course, you don’t have to agree with me. But that’s what I think. I simply would never point one iota of blame, even if that wasn’t quite your intention (that tends to be the effect, no?) at David’s firstmother or at any other loved one of the rest of the 2,996 dead for any of the decisions, the choices they made.
*hugs* to you, Jenna. I can see how much this touches you, and I know you’re going through some difficult things. I know you hang onto your own belief that you failed Munchkin and I also think that about your decision to place her — that you made the best choice that you could at the time, given the information, support, and resources that you had at that time. You do your best each and every day, my dear. That’s all that anyone asks of you. That’s all that God asks of you. Love to you, my friend. Be gentle with you, OK? *hugs*
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Hey, Jenna–
Just read your entry and send hugs your way. My son’s first-mother and -grandmother made the decision for a closed adoption specifically for the reason that if it was open and they found out that something happened to him or us (thus leaving him) that they would never be able to live with the choice they made…that they would have failed their beloved boy. Unfortunately, that may mean that DS may never know them, and benefit from knowing his full history, and the wonderful people that they are. I hope that they someday change their mind. In the meantime, I’m thinking about the choices you made and the many blessings you are giving your beautiful daughter simply by being present in her life and allowing her to have YOU during the time that you’re all on this earth, however long that will be. I’m kind of rambling here as well…but know that however you feel about the choices you’ve made and your “failures,” you are not failing her on this.
Em
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Judy; I didn’t say she WAS to blame. I said, if she’s like any other firstmother I know, her heart may not comprehend that fact.
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I didn’t think that was your intention. But things like — “to know that my life decisions eventually lead to the death of my child” and “it’s a pretty safe bet that David would not have been on that plane had his firstmother been able to parent. He would still be alive” — confused things for me.
But I do stand corrected and apologize for my misinterpreting things.
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I just read these comments and I have decided to share my feelings with those of you who have “blogged” about the loss of David, Ron and Daniel.
For all the heartfelt, genuine and sincere words…..thank-you….it means so much…it is all we have…
I am not sure why my circumstances at the time of David’s birth are relevant, I see it as being the force that brought that family together.
I made the decision to allow Dan and Ron to raise David as their own son because I felt in my heart they would be great parents, David was meant to be their son. I wanted him to experience the things that my son Dillon had experienced- Dillon was on skis @2, had traveled to diff places, but most of all I knew that he would have true family full of love, and knew that he would truly be loved. They would always be close to me. Daniel is my sister-in-laws’ brother. I also knew that being with them I would always be his only mom. I had met with other couples. This was not something that I decided spur of the moment.
I was a recent college graduate, with a son…and knew that it would be difficult to provide for both of them and pursue grad school and a career. I am not ashamed to say that I was having problems….but was able to be rational about what would be in the best interest for everyone. I went to have an abortion 2 times…twice showed up at office in NYC, PA would not perform it that late in my pregnancy, and I could not do it….call it divine intervention or something. But my discussion with my brother and sister-in-law about my plans to fly to Kansas to have an abortion is the initial introduction to the idea of Daniel and Ron raising my unborn son. They had told me that Daniel had already told them he had been looking into adoption I met with them shortly after while visiting family in NY. It was a strange meeting, I never knew Daniel was Gay…so to meet with him and his partner Ron was somewhat overwhelming, but in a good way. Ron was funny and made me feel so comfortable, Daniel was, well those of you who knew him, he was the calm, and more of the “intellectual” type at least on the surface. I didn’t really know him well. I honestly don’t recall specific details, but can remember feeling like it was right, in my gut. No questions. There was a lot to plan and work out. I needed some time. After all, this was a huge for me…my gut would determine the outcome. Toward the end of the pregnancy, the biological father and I had to discuss the consent…and he then decided that he wanted this; he wanted us to be a family. He was Dan’s age, never married, no children and from a loving, close Italian family. He was a successful businessman. I had already made arrangements for my child to be with Dan and Ron….I do not believe that just because I was pregnant that we (the bio father) should be together. We went to lunch and he put his hand on my stomach, it became real for him. Prior to that, it was unseen. He expressed his feelings about the adoption, and was against it, It was not what he wanted. I called my sister-in-law and she informed me that the guys has just had their shower….they were ready, and waiting. I do not feel this was ever anyone’s business, but have decided to share it now, in hopes of sharing a different perspective. I was left torn between what my head was telling me and what my heart felt. I called the guys, no, my friend called them after she became tired of me crying and said “please talk to her.” I was pregnant and hormonal. I told then about Drew and asked them, if I could have David in CA. They must have been scared, worried etc…I left PA and flew to CA so that I could have David in CA and allow them to be part of the delivery. This would also expedite the adoption process… alleviating any of their fears that I would see David and change my mind. …. I flew out to CA They picked me up, made sure I was comfortable and began to prepare for the arrival of David in 12 days. They made sure I was eating healthy, getting me gift certificates for deli close by. Ron drove me in his convertible, but only because I asked him too, he was worried about his skin, breaking out, funny I remember that. They were so excited. I wish I could do that over again, I was in a daze….emotionally…I was scared, etc….I left my son Dillon with my parents, again, very hard to leave him. and much to my surprise, within 2 days, my water broke. I called them. Telling them that I think my water broke….it’s early- they came and we left for Santa Monica Hospital. David was born within 4-5 hours with Ron and Daniel to welcome him into the world. Ron’s sister’s had been there earlier too ….the guys didn’t realize what a smooth delivery it was…they were lucky. Ron was talking on his walkie- talkie to his sisters…it was like watching a kid at Christmas…pure energy and adrenalin….Dan and I had not spent as much time together, it was different…he was truly rocked …..on all levels….the photos show his emotions, truly happy. He was smiling, crying at the same time. He cut the cord, it was important for me to have them do that. I cut Dillon’s cord. They held my feet, held my hands, and took those very graphic pics of him entering the world. They were the best……they held each other, you could see their love for each other, as well as their fear and excitement all rolled into one. Dan called his sister and family….He was so proud to be a dad…it was a beautiful experience. He was grinning ear to ear….
I love being a mom, and my son Dillon, now 15 was and still is my whole world. I anguished over my decision, my heart hurt more than words can explain It really is surreal; With David’s early labor and birth, we did not really discuss details about the “after birth time.” I had the opportunity to be with David after his birth….I was not hidden away in another ward of the hospital….I cried the whole time….surreal is the best way to describe it. I asked to keep his sleeper, they said it was not allowed, it is against hospital policy. The nurse saw me crying, she brought it to me, later, I still have it, it is stained…and his bracelets, his cap…his charts..etc. All of things that a mother cherishes, and keeps packed away for years. She saw how much that would mean to me.
Music is my therapy, always has been so I bought a CD to listen to for my plane ride home, I was a mess, still being in an emotional fog….It was a soundtrack to a movie, the one with Meg Ryan and Nicolas Cage…something about angels…anyway
The song by Sarah McLaughlin, “in the arms of the angel” was my song to him…as soon as I heard it-listen to the words, “talks about a hotel room…”….and then IRIS by the Goo-Goo dolls…again, listen to the words… “ I just want you to know who I am.” I could never have possibly imagined the significance of those lyrics then, but today they have a deeper meaning….gives me Goosebumps when I hear them, and at random moments on radio, just when I am thinking about them…honest, it has happened too many times to count. After his birth, I decided to detach, or shut down…for my own mental health, I was regretful, and second guessing…quite normal to do so…. I didn’t know how to feel or what to do with those feelings. I even sent them a few emotionally charged e-mails….followed by the apology e-mails. Post partum hormones made it worse. It was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make, and the most painful experience. We had moved to Florida, to start over, and life was good, I started a beach rental business, got into surfing, started thinking about custom line of boards for girls….had a surf team…etc…. It was 7 days a week, I loved it, But it was not enough to take away the pain of missing him. I fell into a depression, deeper than I thought I would ever sink. I called my family and asked them to meet me in PA, I was coming back up North. I did not want to discuss anything with them over the phone, they saw me that Christmas eve, and knew that I needed to leave Florida and get back on my feet. That was about a 1.5 years after his birth. His Biological dad Drew and I met for the first time since I had left PA. It was a meeting that needed to occur, we spent several hours talking.crying…etc….I showed him pics…there was mixed emotions. from sadness to anger…for a moment we thought what if??? He asked me how he was, and what he looked like…And after processing all of those feelings…it was what it was, that’s it, it was the way it was and. it was the right decision… we needed to figure out how to move forward with all of the feelings. I could have moved with him to Florida, gone to grad school….but for all the wrong reasons. We could have been married, and then what…inevitably divorce because we were not in love with each other. Drew met an incredible Italian girl, beautiful, inside and out. I have always believed in everything happening for a reason and being spiritual person, believe that it was supposed to be that way….it was the plan….David could have gone to any number of couples, I had met with 3 couples prior to giving him to Dan and Ron..…one couple was a good friend, who was devastated by my decision. I have so much empathy for couples who go through the process, knowing that it may not lead to a child….so much admiration for them. David could have stayed with me, but, it wasn’t meant to be; for 3 years, he brought those 2 men something that they could have never biologically achieved, and made their lives truly happy, he gave them as much as they gave him.. a family, with loads of love. I WAS a single mom, could have done it, but knew what it would be like. I struggled to get through college. My parents were the reason I made it…..they took him during my final exams, even let me take a vacation with a friend to spend time with adults…I made sure Dillon was healthy and happy, I owed it to him. Dillon went to a private school until 2nd grade….we had vacations and always spent a lot of time together….learning and teaching each other about life. From what I have heard, David loved whale watching, and that their initial plans were to fly home on Monday 9/10…..we know that something changed…and they were on the doomed flight 175, on that Tuesday morning….all three of them together. I have thoughts about those final moments, and choose to rely on faith that they did not suffer. My mind can become quite obsessive about the actual sight of it. I need to “turn it off.”
That morning of September 11 was an ordinary day, beautiful ….I had just started my teaching job at the school in June of that year…It was my first group of students. I remember the events as clear as day- a student ran in my room and said we were under attack… this guy was a jokester, he said I am serious, we need a TV… We did not have any TV’S that were cable…so Jackie in the bookstore turned on her 13 inch Blk and white, holding the antenna, trying too steady the snow….I knew that I needed to get a handle on the students, and knew that by sitting in class we would be worse. so I said, let’s go to circuit city….which is close to the school. We traveled in groups…I had 3 girls with me. and it was quiet…we did not know what to say. Working in mental health, I automatically kicked into “listener” mode….gauging everyone’s emotions while trying to figure out my own…and there it was, on the many TV screens….the horrific site….the smoke….it was enough to make my stomach hit my throat… I watched the events unfold, with my psychology students, I was horrified….not knowing how it would impact my life. I told my student Michelle, who was a mother, there were children, oh god all those kids…they must have been so terrified…I felt so much sadness, it was overwhelming. I kept thinking about the kids…probably because many were without their parents on a trip. I went back to my classroom, voice shaking, saying that we should go home, and be with family….I was the last to leave, gathering my things. in shock. Don’t remember the drive home, but couldn’t wait to see and hold Dillon. I also had a teenager living with us at that time; she was with us the rest of the afternoon. She was talking about cheerleading being cancelled…its funny what people say and do…
I was fixated on the media and footage, hours into the night…still confused about what had happened the mind could not make sense of it…we, Charm and I ,both finally fell asleep on the couches around 11:30. ….Sometime after midnight, there was a knock at my door, I thought, “Charm knows my rules about her friends coming over after 10, I was ready to chew out a teenager”….….and being half asleep I looked out, and opened my door…looking at my mom and dad…It didn’t register….I immediately thought my uncle mike had been involved…..he had worked in NYC..he was missing, something. why were they there…….but my dad moved to the side, my mother had this look, of sheer terror. one that I will never forget and said in the most distraught voice “oh missy…David”……I fainted. fell into my dad…he grabbed me before I hit the ground…I will never forget that feeling….I never want to feel it again. and it remains blurry as to what happened after that…..I kept saying no, no, crying loud, screaming no, …call D, where’s D( Dan’s sister). …..no…I just got an e-mail from them, look, I went over to my computer, as though it would magically appear. I think I tried to turn it on. then kept walking around….I said “they just e–mailed me yesterday, there was problems and they would get back to me. I still have the e-mail, sent Sunday, Sept 09, 2001. With a pic, but only pic was attached, the others did not go through. they were of Woody from toy story and his party. Time seemed to be warped, if that makes sense. I called my friend Nicci, who was with me during the pregnancy, she was the closest to me and instrumental in helping me decide David’s family, she was my support; I could not have made it with out her compassionate, supportive words and 3 hr phone calls. I do not remember the call, but she told me what I said…she knew when the phone ring…true. she answered…oh miss, no caller ID either.…..I called drew, his bio dad first thing in the morning, the call that was the hardest for me to make, we had not spoken since our lengthy discussion….in that moment, everything that I had held on to, us meeting with David, letting him meet us, and ask questions, see who he is, was gone. I was on auto-pilot….and don’t know how I made it through those first few days. I know that I felt so lost….as I am sure many felt; I didn’t know how to start my day….it was hell. an absolute hell, which felt worse than anything I have ever felt. .and for those of you who are “curious” I did get through those days without drinking, smoking or anything else unhealthy!!! Friends and family stayed with me, concerned how I would handle it….they felt my anguish!!! It was the last thing from my mind…for me a true sign of my inner strength and accomplishment..
So let me go back, I had sent the guys an e-mail over that summer. We did not have frequent contact, but they would send pics and e-mails occasionally, my sister-in-law would show me recent pics and videos from their visits. I heard about his words and what he was doing etc. Ron was the one who corresponded with me, always thanking me for David. That meant a lot to me. I wanted to take Dillon on a surf trip to Hawaii and thought that it would be the right time for Dillon and me to layover in LA and see them. It would give Dillon and I chance to emotionally process it on the beaches of Waikiki’s…it made sense… My parents had been out to meet with them earlier that year as well. Daniel wanted David to meet his biological grandparents….again, something that I was grateful for; they didn’t have to do that. I have a beautiful photo of them, David in the middle smiling. I’m sure it rocked my parents, because they are super grandparents, love their family more than life itself. It probably hurt but helped if that makes sense. Ron had David call and leave a message on David’s birthday for me to hear his voice… It was the best. I still have that old answering machine. So I sent them the e-mail about the trip, plans to see them, please let me know if it is a good time..etc..and I was wondering why they had not gotten back to me. It was getting closer to my vacation and nothing…..
Then the e-mail…..9/09…an unexpected surprise….short. but letting me know they would be in touch….I was relieved. We would finally spend time together…Dillon, Ron Dan, and little David. I was feeling so good about it, I was in a good place emotionally with it, life was good, I was pursuing my careers, teaching and working with emotionally disturbed children… I loved it, I had finally found my niche in life…my purpose if you will.. Then 9/11/01…..I could go on and on…all of you know how you feel…we all feel it. But think I would like to leave all of you who question David’s fate, and being Ron and Dan’s son versus being raised by me and Drew. please think about these things: my parents got to see him, only months before, after 3 years. I got the e-mail, 2 days before, had not heard from them in months…….it does not seem coincidental. If I did not get that e-mail, I would feel as though they did not want to see us, not now, or my parents were not important….I think Dan called his sister the night before…It sounded like Ron’s family spoke with him as well…….some families did not get a phone call….or contact…
Or an e-mail….I did, and those little insignificant things are what has allowed me to survive this hell….I still feel like I get signals from them…call me crazy, but I tend to catch glances at my watch and clocks on the TV at 9:11…..makes me pause…..flipping to a channel to catch the beginning of IRIS, or arms of the angels…those are not exactly current top 40 play list songs….It. hurts, always will….I hope that I leave behind the legacy that the Gamboa- Brandhordst family has left behind…..
I will never see my son David turn into the wonderful young man that I know he would have become…I know that he was an old soul…look at his eyes. take a hard look at those eyes…you’ll see it is different than other 3 yr olds….… Everyday they are in my thoughts…and the pain does not go away. for me anyway….…he was brought into all our lives for a reason….I am angry that so many peoples lives are impacted and so many of us have hurting hearts…5 years and it still takes my breath away….5 years and it feels like it did that day…maybe worse sometimes…because I think about what could have been….and how he could have grown to see that person that I am, and Dillon and the rest of our family, I did not give him up because I wanted to …I wanted the best for him…and that having him and losing him has taught me more about life than anything else. I am slowly working my way through grad school, should be done next September, MS in Prof Counseling. then continue on with Ph.D. I want to be done before I have to pay for Dillon’s college…LOL..
I have been teaching at a small art college for over 5 years. It is the best place I have ever worked. I love it.. I have also worked as a counselor with substance abuse agency, and drug testing. . My experiences, good, bad, positive and negative have taught me that in one second, it can all be gone…..what really matters is not the exterior stuff, what matters is the stuff that makes one a beautiful soul….being kind, being empathic towards others…giving of yourself when you feel like you can’t….listening…just listening, making someone feel good….speaking up for those who do not have a voice…and sticking your neck out for a good cause even if it means getting it chopped off I have always believed that everyone has a right to be happy without discrimination…now more than ever do I feel my voice is to be used to help diverse groups who need mental health services…I have moved beyond many obstacles in my life….not sure how I made it through some things…guess it’s the stubbornness in me…I am a fighter….and I have a passion to make this cruel dysfunctional world a better place, one person at a time. Dillon is a fine young man, an incredible heart, and genuine kindness, looking out for others…not afraid to stand up for his beliefs. He is amazing, he proudly talks about his brother and his 2 dads, despite the ridicule of them being gay. Pretty admirable for a young man and I believe that David would have shared a similar characteristics, especially knowing who his parents were. My dad is my hero, my mom is the most selfless woman I know. I have caused them pain, and my being pregnant with David was another painful time affecting all of us. We all hurt, and through this, we express our pain differently. I need to ensure that the legacy of David, Dan and Ron is carried on through spirit, their spirit. I do not have any contact with the Gamboas, only during David’s birth; I have been given various things by the Brandhorst family, and for that I am so grateful…it is all I have. If any of Ron’s family happens to read this, take with you the message that we all lost, and I am sure they would not want the distance and feelings that are so evident. I don’t know what happened, I just get the feeling that instead of families coming together these families fell apart, .it has created tensions and anger. That is not what they were about, they would have never stood for it….yet it seems that 2 families have each gone their own way. I wonder what would have happened if David or Dan or Ron had not been on that plane…would it have ended with such animosity. I don’t know the Gamboas, but I would like to let them know that I would love the opportunity to see my son, videos, pics, whatever, I would appreciate anything. I gather photos from the internet, strangers have more of him than I…and that’s OK.but please know that I would like Dillon to see and have a clear sense of who David was, and how his sacrifice too, was worth it every minute of his 3 years…..We have a 2 minute piece of video that is of David and Maggie running and jumping on a bed. David was in diapers, maybe 1.5… anyway, he falls off the bed, you hear his head…and he gets up-Ron runs over…giving him the daddy hugs and he laughs….Dillon watched that video 4-5 times…laughing so hard…saying he was just like me mom….I don’t know….please help me know him. D has gone through what she has not any family videos….and she thinks that Ron went nuts with the camera… Please think about it….I will pay for copying/ printing/ postage. whatever. I need it…please help me with it. If you do not wish to share them I will respect your wishes, it is your decision. Your brother and son was the one who always sent me cards, I know that he would have continued sharing David with me had they lived. But they didn’t and I don’t have the many memories that you will have, I rely on others memories, and photos…wish you could feel how much I wish I could have spent time with them, skiing, or family holidays.I will always long for that..it will never be and I have accepted that I hope this has answered any questions about “his birth mother and biological father, the man who has never been discussed or been given condolences, or thanks, without him, David would not be. He could have stopped the adoption, etc……..” he too lives with the pain, how could he not. I want to share one last thing, something that I would have never disclosed, especially on a public forum, but feel like it needs to read by those of you who question that there is something greater than us out there….
Drew and I have not seen each other and the last time we spoke was about 2.5 yrs ago, I had just bought my house. He called me out of the clear blue, was in town, wanted to get together… my brother Eddy and the girls were here for the weekend, D was with friends and they came down to see Dillon and I. I told him that it was hectic, and I would see, my family was here and I don’t get to see them that often….but we never got together.
So, 2.5 yrs passes, I am contacted by the medical examiners office in NYC about DNA collection etc…. those of you who lost a family member know what this is about. I submitted a sample last year, never heard anything, never really expected to, I can’t imagine how there could be any remains from the victims on the planes. Anyway, I get a call a few months ago,, a message from MED examiners office, please call…My heart stopped. It never ends, I call, and am told that they are “close” and would like to obtain another sample in order to be conclusive….in other words they needed another sample to rule out anyone else etc…so I received the kit, on a Friday….figured I would send it out Monday. They had asked about his dad and I said that I had not spoken to him in few years, and his number had changed. I really did not know how to get in contact with him…..2 days later, my phone rings, it’s around 11:10 Sunday, my friends know that I am up grading or working on school work, so they usually don’t call….I answer hello…and I hear “hey, Michele, it’s Drew….” I was in shock, speechless, finally saying hey, oh my god, did they call you…how they found you or something along those lines. he had no idea what I was talking about…repeated myself, he was puzzled, I finally told him about the MED ex calling me and sending me the kit, and he said that he was trying to get a hold of me for a few days….just felt like checking in…..after 2.5yrs….something tells him to call me…his cell phone had died, lost all of his memory, 100 numbers …there were only 2 left. Mine and someone else from PA…..we both acknowledged that it was an unexplainable thing, but knew that it was supposed to happen…that’s how it has been….I needed him to help me close this chapter, and the MED ex needed him because Dillon is not enough, as I was told later, very disappointed with that process and their professional handling of it. I was given false hope, really felt like a train wreck for a few days, and they made a mistake, they are not any closer…someone misspoke about it. The only conclusive way is drew and I both….so…he agreed. I am waiting to find out where they are with the results…told them that I don’t want to put drew through it if it is not going to produce any results….They told me that they have identified a number of victims from the planes that hit the towers…mind blowing…..very difficult to comprehend, that if and when I need to… for now…I wait ….patiently. for the process. I understand that more remains have been found, so they to will be in the pool…..Has anyone contacted any of Ron’s family about dna??? Just curious…. I would love to speak with those of you who knew David, I read these tributes, sometimes as a way to help cope, sounds crazy but it has really helped me when I am struggling.…again, thank-you for remembering them, as a family, and for not being judgmental, of me, my family or of his dads..….David’s spirit will always be in my heart, I am proud to have brought him into this world, and helping touch the lives of those close to his 2 Dads. The photographs, stuffed animals and his clothing along with the shared memories, although so few, have been a blessing….I only felt him in his early hours and days of life, to never have felt him again, except in my heart, where he, and the guys, will always be.
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