Now my anxiety level is through the roof. The wedding we attended today was absolutely wonderful. I got to hang out with old friends, including the friend who is coming by tomorrow afternoon. At one point she said, while discussing how cute BigBrother is and even more so in person versus pictures, “I read your website all the time!”

So did she catch this post? I didn’t even think of it until I sat down in front of the computer a little while ago. Now my heart is in my throat. Does she already know and is waiting for my cues to talk about it? Did she miss blog posting from that day/week due to vacation, job or her personal life outside the ongoings of our family blog? Did she skim that post? Did she skip it? Does she know or doesn’t she?! AH! I don’t know how to handle this one here, folks.

Munchkin’s picture is staying on the fridge no matter what… but still. I’m a basket case! WoO! But not woo.

So, we’re weaning me off of my medications for various reasons. Perhaps I should have done it before the “busy season” of family life rolled into town. The past two days have been filled with anxious moments. And tomorrow? An old friend from the station (who now works for CNN) will be stopping by to see the house, visit with me (or, really, the baby) and hang out for a bit before she drives back to Washington, DC. (She’s in town for a mutual friend’s wedding.)

Why is that freaking me out?

No one from work really knows about the adoption. Why? When I started working there, I wasn’t able to tell ANYONE about the adoption. I was still internalizing everything and making things worse than they had to be. When I came into my own this year, through therapy, I felt that neglecting to tell anyone over the past two years of working there seemed like lying. So I just never said anything.

So why bother telling her when she visits tomorrow?

Well, on our fridge is a picture of the Munchkin. In BigBrother’s room is a picture of Munchkin and him on our last visit. In my bedroom is a picture of Munchkin in a name frame next to BigBrother’s name frame. She’s in our lives, visible everywhere you look. So I have to figure out how to tell a genuinely good friend that I had a child that I placed for adoption is somewhat overwhelming at this point.

I think I need a nap. Here’s hoping it goes well.