I know it’s just the internet. I know that we all have varying experiences. I know we all view adoption issues in different light. But man, I feel like I just got slapped across the face for no good reason. Twice.
Faith on the Hoping to Adopt blog at adoptionblogs.com made a nice post about adoption language and the ever-so-debated “what to call a birth mother” topic. She didn’t tell readers what name to use. She stated what name they use in their home and then asked the question what others use. She got some great feedback. On top of that, Coley posted a nice list of possible names on the Crisis Pregnancy blog as she delves through adoption terminology.
So why do I feel slapped? Not by these ladies who are hoping to educate others and learn at the same time. I need to continue down the blogosphere.
Laura on her personal Exploring Adoption blog asked her readers what names they use. Laura didn’t say anything offensive as she also continues to educate and challenge others to think. Nope. Her readers slapped me. And ouch. The following response is my favorite:
Dunno, my adoption was under not so pleasant circumstances so I don’t even call them that! Egg & Sperm donors when I’m having good days about it, worse when I’m not!
That person then goes on to explain it’s because she adopted from foster care. Uhm, that reason? Is a cop out, an excuse. I know plenty of families who have adopted from foster care who still speak with respect when it comes to their child’s (or childrens’) biological parents. For those who have had the hardest time dealing with the first family, they do simply use the term “biological parent.” Sperm and egg donor? Give me a break. For those about to say, “But you don’t understand foster/adoption world issues,” I counter you with, “You’re wrong.” I can’t talk about it until April. Tune back in at that time. (No, we’re not adopting.)
More.
I believe it confuses a child to say he/she has two Moms and/or two Dads. However, at the same time, I acknowledge to my children that God chose another woman and man to bring he/she to us. I do have a relationship with one of the women and she understands that she gave up the right to be called Mom when she chose adoption. And we have a good relationship.
Blahblahblah. Refer to this post where I talk about confusion for children in open adoption. That said, let’s not forget that the Munchkin is three and, of her own accord, referred to both of us as Mommy… and is in NO WAY confused about who to go to when she needs a band-aid, more milk in her cup or a bed time story. If a three year old, who sees me four times per year, can grasp the concept… why can’t adults? I’m really, really growing tired of the “it’s too confusing” cop-out excuse. It’s not. You just don’t want to deal with it. Be honest.
Beyond that, yes, I understand that by signing my rights, I gave up the right to be referred to as a day-to-day Mom. But you want to strip me of my right to be called birth mom? Or first mom? Give me a break. Most birth parents aren’t even asking to be called Mom or Mother. We’re asking for an inkling of respect by calling us birth mother, first mother, biological mother, etc.
I find it so sad that people still refuse to respect my role in the adoption triad and my role in the Munchkin’s life. My heart breaks for sisters like me who continue to be bashed simply because they will always wear that determiner in front of their parental role. My heart breaks for the children who will be confused, not by open adoption, but by the legacy of hate being passed on through continued stereotyping of birth parents.
38 Responses to “Respect? Pffft.”
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My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
I’m called by my first name. And yes it hurts. I wish I could be called “Birthmother” I was overjoyed when my child wrote me a letter but I can’t even express to you what emotions I went through to be called just by my name and not something else.
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One of the commitments I made when we decided to adopt that no matter what others thought or the first parents of our children chose to do in their lives, they would always be honored. Always. I am sure that comments as disrespectful as some of these hit you right in the gut. And it makes me very sad.
Today is the anniversary of a pivotal day in the journey to our daughter. And I wrote, from my perspective on my blog, about the very issue you address here… I don’t have many readers but I hope there is no doubt the place the first mothers of our children have in our lives and hearts.
(((Hugs)))) I just wish there was more I could do.
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My children’s mothers and fathers in Korea are their mothers and fathers. To deny them this reality strikes me as selfish, dishonest and mean.
And just plain wrong. I’m really sorry that people continue to embrace this kind of ignorance, Jenna.
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My daughters mom (and I always call her that) is referred to by her first name followed by “mama” I wanted the bee to call her something that acknowledged her motherhood and was respectful. The queenbee wanted something that wasn’t “mom” so we came to a middle ground. I know the bee is still little but I often say, “we are going to visit your mama in a few weeks” or “lets call your mama” I can’t imagine that would confuse her. I know many kids who have step-parents and call them mom and dad in addition to their bio moms and dads and they aren’t confused as to who their parents are. The confusion lies in the minds of adults. Children are simple enough to figure out the simple things in life. Adults feel the need to add all their own hang ups to every situation. And so many adoptive parents are scared to death of not being “real” parents. Whatever, get over it. I’m not, nor can I be, nor do I wish to be 100% the bees mother. She has two moms, that is all there is to it. We both have special, unique, and VERY important roles in her life, but we are both her mom.
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The words mother ( mommy/mom) and father (daddy/dad) are titles that are earned, IMO.
Most adults feel this way and I don’t blame them. I would never tell my child that they have two mothers, two fathers and two sets of parents. To me, a parent is the one doing the day-to-day raising, nurturing and caring of the child. Not, someone that visits four/six times a year-thats not a parent; nor, is it a responsible form of parenting. I don’t see anything wrong with acknowledging and respecting the bparents and their role in the child’s life. But, I will not be telling MY child they have two sets of parents ( two moms and two dads) when we ( the aparents) ARE the parents.
Reposted because of typos
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And there you have it, folks.
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BTW: not “telling” them that they have two sets of parents doesn’t make it any less true. Just because some parents need that validation of being the only set of parents doesn’t erase the fact that the child comes from another set of parents. You can’t erase it, however hard you try. So sad for these children. :(
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This line made me hurt in all sorts of ways
“and she understands that she gave up the right to be called Mom when she chose adoption. And we have a good relationship.”
A good relationship – yeah, right. :(
From my own standpoint, the adults in my life I felt closest to as a child never invalidated my own recognition that even though I didn’t know who they were, somewhere out there I had another mommy and daddy.
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Well, I disagree with those folks and with Andres. My son does have 2 sets of parents. Unfortunately, his first father may never be known. His first mother we hope will be known to him and to us one day. We call her his “Tummy Mummy” after the book of that name which he took to (the book written by a first mother) and because it’s the phrase that really stuck with him; others we tried just didn’t “work.” So, in essence, Nate pretty much chose the wording. I know that some first moms don’t like that name for them, but it works for us. I’m thinking that down the road we might be able to shorten it and just call her his “mum.” And she is; she gave birth to him and even if she’s not in his life physically, she’s here. I look at him and I think of her. We pray for her every night. And I do miss having a real connection with her; I wish we had that. It is with respect to her and to honor her and her role in his life that we understand that she is one of his mothers.
I used to be one of those “ostriches” as N. so beautifully wrote about in her blog. I had my head in the sand; I bristled when people talked about Nate’s first mom as his “real mom.” No more. Now I know that he has, in fact, two real mothers, and I proudly share that title with her. I also believe that in doing so I give him more honor and respect. By honoring and respecting her, the woman who gave him life, I honor and respect him more. I give him the most amount of love and dignity that I can by sharing the title of mother with her. Otherwise, I diminish him.
It is sad that people can’t do that, for their children’s other parents and for their children.
This is becoming a post. I may need to borrow from this comment for such a post.
And yeah, this pisses me off too.
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If you earn the title Mommy and Daddy how do you explain the kids who live with their parents who abuse and neglect them who still call them mom and dad? How do you explain the little girl I met once who was sold into prostitution when she was seven who refers to her mom and dad? Did they earn those titles. Nope, those are just who they are by the act of being half of her DNA. So adopted kids have two sets of parents, no matter what.
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To me a parent is someone that is raising the child and and doing a good job at it.
Everyone has a different definition of mother, father and parent. I don’t think one can sign-away their rights and responsibilities of being a parent and yet call themselves one. That’s not a responsible form of parenting, nor is it a parent-IMO. If you are dedicated and committed to being a good parent( verb) then one has earned the title ( and your child will let you know it.) But to say “I’m a parent” and you’ve signed-away all rights to be the child’s moral, physical, and psychological parent-isn’t a parent, it’s a bparent and there’s a HUGE difference!
Again, everyone has a different definition of what defines a parent.
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That just makes me sad for your child(ren). Because honestly, to diminish a child’s first parents is to diminish that child. The child is going to internalize the feelings about his/her first parents that the adoptive parents have, because the first parents are a part of that child, like it or not, and the child knows that, whether it’s articulated or not.
To disrespect the first parents is to disrespect the child. To respect the first parents is to respect the child. To honor the first parents is to honor the child. I believe you do that by honoring their role, their true role in parenting that child by giving that child life, and everything that child is made up of.
I doubt you’ll agree, but I hope you’ll think about everyone’s word and not just say “no.” I hope you’ll read them with an OPEN mind and an OPEN heart.
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“To disrespect the first parents is to disrespect the child. To respect the first parents is to respect the child. To honor the first parents is to honor the child. I believe you do that by honoring their role, their true role in parenting that child by giving that child life, and everything that child is made up of.”
Judy:
How am I disrespecting MY child and his bparents? I will always acknowledge the bparents and respect their choice for choosing adoption. But, I’m not going to lye to my child nor am I going to downplay my role, by telling my child they have two sets of parents.
First, if the child does have to sets of parents than why is only one set raising them? Two, if the child has two sets of parents when are they ( the bparents) going to “help” raise the child? Three, if the child has two sets of parents, then what are the adoptive parents-caregivers or babysitters who ARE doing all of the parenting?
I find it very insulting to say you feel “sorry” for MY child when you don’t even know MY child! I also, find it extremely arrogant of you to boldly post what you said; just because one doesn’t agree with your logic doesn’t mean they’re wrong! For all we know, YOUR child may be “damaged” because of what you’re teaching them.
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I am an adoptee who indeed does have 2 mothers and 2 fathers – all four who are VERY real, and all four whom I call my parents. My adoptive parents, in their infinite wisdom, were strong enough – secure enough and humble enough – to know that adoption was NOT about their wants and needs. That it was not about them needing the language to “claim” their relationship with me, their daughter, to prove anything to anyone. It was about honoring me – their child – with dignity and honesty, which therefore meant honoring my parents in Korea by calling them who they are – my parents.
Did/do my adoptive parents refer to me as the “adopted daughter”? Did they insist that others in our lives could only refer to me as the “adopted child”? Of course not. Do I refer to them as my “adoptive mother and my adoptive father”? Of course not. And I would argue that any adoptive parent WOULD take issue if those in society insisted that there were such qualifiers placed upon them. Why then, do people feel the need to place them in front of the people who were first – and will always be – the parents of their children?
I am also an adoptive parent to a son who has FOUR parents. To deny him the right to also call them his mother and father is something my husband and I could never, would never, dream of doing. We believe that calling them anything less than “his parents”, is a lie to our son, not to mention a huge dishonor to both him and his other parents.
Yes, I am his mother. But so is another woman half a world away. There isn’t a single time that I can look into his face and not think of her. How could I not? He is her son. He will always, always be her son. And she, his mother. And as he grows older, I know there is a very strong chance he will challenge, question and struggle to reconcile the two identities of which he owns, just as I have and countless other adoptees have. Two identities that exist – that comprise the totality of who he is in this world – because of all four of his parents.
Jenna, I know this isn’t exactly the proper way to de-lurk on one’s site. :) And I certainly didn’t mean to hijack this thread – so my apologies to you. Please, please keep writing.
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Our almost-6-year old daughter has heard from us–from day 2 when we met her–that her first parents loved each other enough to make her, loved her enough to take care of her while she was growing in Mitzie’s uterus and to make plans for her future, and love her enough now to think about her every day.
Our daughter is apt to announce that she has four parents, the ones who made her and the ones who raise her. She delights in calling Mitzie and Raoul “mommy” and “daddy.”
While I do get a twinge when she refers to them as her “real parents,” I also know she’s still only a kindergartener, and that subtleties of language are still developing.
BUT. It’s not about me.
It’s about her really embracing the story of her own life and how she came to be our daughter. Even before we became parents, we always said that it’s not about what’s easy or comfortable for us, it’s what’s best for her. And if one way for her to process her relationship to the people who created her is to call them her “real parents,” so be it. (By the way, she also calls us her real parents, too.)
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My favorite part is how the only adoptee who has responded here states, simply, that she has four parents. :)
My other favorite part: It’s about her really embracing the story of her own life and how she came to be our daughter. Even before we became parents, we always said that it’s not about what’s easy or comfortable for us, it’s what’s best for her.
Just because it’s uncomfortable for someone to think that a child has four parents doesn’t mean that it’s not part of that child’s life, story and history. Amen, people. Amen.
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How are you disrespecting the bio parents?????? And your kids?????? Are you kidding me???????????
You just said that IT’S NOT A RESPONSIBLE FORM OF PARENTING to choose adoption for one’s kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So let me get this straight: you plan to a) tell your kids that they only have ONE mom–it doesn’t matter what your kids think about it, whether THEY feel like they have two moms, that’s too bad, because you will only allow them to say that they have ONE mom; b) impart the attitude that your childs’ bio parents were being completely irresponsible in making an adoption plan for them–that they were just passing the buck–rather than that they may have actually tried to do the best they thought possible, for their/your kids, by choosing adoption–thereby suggesting to your kids that their bio parents were just irresponsible people who didn’t want the bother of parenting and had no feelngs at all about the kids–thereby making your kids feel unloved and abandoned; and c) insisting over and over that you are THE mom, because you do the NURTURING, thereby diminishing the role of genetics that WILL play a part in who your children are–yet your overemphasis of nurture makes it likely they’ll feel completely unable to celebrate the nature part of them.
Yup, but you’re not dishonoring your kids (OR their bio parents) in any way.
SURE. Whatever.
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P.S. Jenna, I commented on Laura’s blog. I’m steamed. Steamed, steamed, steamed.
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“You just said that IT’S NOT A RESPONSIBLE FORM OF PARENTING to choose adoption for one’s kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Where did I write that?
I wrote:
” I will always acknowledge the bparents and respect their choice for choosing adoption. But, I’m not going to lie to my child nor am I going to downplay my role, by telling my child they have two sets of parents.”
I also said:
“Everyone has a different definition of mother, father and parent. I don’t think one can sign-away their rights and responsibilities of being a parent and yet call themselves one. That’s not a responsible form of parenting, nor is it a parent-IMO. If you are dedicated and committed to being a good parent( verb) then one has earned the title ( and your child will let you know it.) But to say “I’m a parent†and you’ve signed-away all rights to be the child’s moral, physical, and psychological parent-isn’t a parent, it’s a bparent and there’s a HUGE difference!”
There is a HUGE difference-like it or not- and it’s the aparent’s responsibility to explain the relationship of adoption to the child.
It’s not like saying to the child: ” Yes, you have two sets of parents and we ALL decide (present) how you will be raised; we also discuss your education ( private, public or catholic school) and discipline and we ALL decide what’s best for you”.
For all of you aparents posting here, does your child’s bparents “help” with raising the child ( childcare, education and other basic necessities?) Do you “ask” for their input when it comes to important decision in regards to the child and raising them, as if both parents are equal and have the same roles? That’s the difference,imo, between a bparent and an aparent.
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Dude, you just asked where you said it isn’t a responsible form of parenting, then quoted yourself where you said it. so ummm that is where you said it….
You need to be more secure in your role as parent. Yup you are the parent your kid sees day to day. That is what it is. But your child has an undeniable relationship with their birth parents. You can bury your head and say it isn’t there because you are insecure, and you can deny you are insecure all you want (your posts SCREAM it). It would be nice if you could open up your mind and heart a little, but if you can’t okay. Your kid will probably open it up for you someday.
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Erin:
It’s not insecurity-it’s either you’re being a good parent and raising your child or you’re not! There’s no GRAY in parenting!
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oh so it is only bad parents who would relinquish children? there is LOTS of gray in parenting. So bad parents shouldn’t be called mom and dad? Their children should refer to them by their first names, or if they are really bad parents they should call them Mr. and Mrs.?
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Paula O’s post is completely spot-on. If I were more articulate, I’d say what she said.
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Only bad parents place their children?
I’m glad you let me know. I’m going to go ahead and start sucking as a parent now. Thanks for telling me about myself! Whew. I was living in the dark, for sure!
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If you’re going to keep contradicting yourself, just stop.
To me a parent is someone that is raising the child and and doing a good job at it.
directly contradicts:
it’s either you’re being a good parent and raising your child or you’re not
If you can’t even keep your definition of a parent straight, you don’t need to debate it on the internet or in real life. You’re really only making yourself look intolerant and insensitive. You, yourself, have created “grays in parenting” by continuing to contradict yourself and by changing what you’ve said from comment to commet to fit the arguement as you felt necessary. If, by your first definition, the true meaning of a parent is one who is doing the day-to-day in a “good job at it,” then, oh, here’s a gray area, because my opinion is that you’re doing a bang-up-crappy-job by absolutely everything you have uttered on this particular post. Nope, I don’t know you. I don’t know your kids. But the pure unadultered hatred that you have spewed forth in your comments is downright SCARY. If you can’t see the hatred in your words, you’re too far gone to help in the first place.
Seriously. Heartbroken for children who endure the continued legacy of hatred. So sad. :(
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Please!
If you want the glory and privilege of being called mother, father or parent-then raise your child-it’s that simple!
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Oh, what a judgemental little one we are, no?
Your “simple” answer runs into even more gray areas! What about the mothers who had babies ripped from their arms? Or the ones who desperately wanted to parent but had no resources to do so? Or the ones who would have given their left leg to parent but were coerced by agencies or family members or society into believing that single parent homes aren’t appropriate and thus they would be “bad parents.” Maybe if your “simple” mindset was running said agencies, you could be the one to tell women, “Oh! No! It’s okay. As long as you decide to parent your child, you will encounter no hardship or resistance from family or society. Just simply wanting to parent your child will make everything a-okay, hunky-dory and you will be a good parent just because your kept your baby!” But, if you were telling parents that… then… well, where would you be in the end? Hmm.
Ah, more grays in parenting.
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Jenna,
I’m glad I finally found your personal blog! I’m the person who posted the question on my Exploring Adoption blog: “What do you call the people whose child you adopted?”
It makes me sad that some accuse me of stirring up troubleby asking that question–assuming that I’m looking to create controversy–when I was actually just curious.
I agree with what one of your commenters said: “I bristled when people talked about Nate’s first mom as his “real mom.†No more. Now I know that he has, in fact, two real mothers, and I proudly share that title with her. I also believe that in doing so I give him more honor and respect.”
As we continue to interact with our son’s birth/first moms (and one birth dad), I become more and more convinced of the importance of the critical role first parents play in their child’s life — if they’re given the chance. First parents are very real, and we adoptive parents need to acknowledge that.
I stress this point several times in the book I recently finished writing, “The Adoption Decision.” (Thanks to Jenna and other first moms, who read some of my manuscript and pointed out places where I was not being appropriately sensitive). In the chapter on international adoption, I specifically address the importance of birth parents (many adoptive parents who choose intercountry adoption do so because they want to avoid any and all potential interaction with birth parents). I expect my approach will raise a few hairs and I’ll probably get chastised for it, but I’m ready.
Thanks, Jenna for continuing to help us adoptive parents understand that first parents are real parents with real feelings.
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Laura; no! I didn’t accuse you of stirring the kettle. I commended you for continuing to teach to people that don’t always want to learn! (I hope my wording was clear! LOL!)
Being chastised sucks (up bandwidth, no? lol) but it proves to me that the stuff we have to say MEANS something. No thought was ever changed without resistance. I know people don’t want to listen to what I have to say here. (Well, some people do and they’ve come out in droves showing that not only birth parents feel this way! Thanks all!) But I’m still going to say it! ;)
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BTW: the troll on this post is Manni28 from the adoption forums, coming to spew her hate on personal blogs as well as the forums. Here’s a word to the wise: your IP address follows you everywhere.
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“But I’m still going to say it!” And you KEEP ON saying it!
You know, into every parent’s life a freight train called adolescence comes barreling into the station before you know it, and when it does it carries a cargo called “independent thinking”. That cargo can be viewed either as a treasure or a burden.
Unfortunately for my adoptive mom, no one ever told her that with my own independent thinking would come the sense of self to start speaking up. For years my first mom was cast into the shadows. My sense of self brought her out, and woe unto anyone who did not acknowledge her importance to me.
I have four parents – period. Two I have never met and may never have a chance to meet. But I love them with all my heart.
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Theresa; :) … thank you.
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And just to show some people can offend all the people some of the time: We’ve got a 3yo from donor insemination, and it really bugs me when people derogatively refer to uninvolved biological fathers as sperm donors. A’s bio-dad, who was unknown to us at the time but is known to us now, is a good guy, and as far as I’m concerned, the more contact she has with him the better.
She’s had essentially no contact with him; he lives several states away, and pictures and cards don’t create a lasting impression for a 3yo. So we’ve focused more on explaining who he is to her than on what title is appropriate. I figure that’s for her and him to figure out when she’s older.
I will say titles can be confusing at this age. We go by mom and mama, and woe betide the person who calls us by the wrong one. She’s adamant that she doesn’t have two moms, and actually asked us where her second mom was when her preschool teacher explained to another kid that she has two moms. So our response to “who is my dad” (which if you ask her, she’ll suggest one of her grandfathers) is “When most people say dad, they mean a man who lives with you and helps you grow up to be big and strong and healthy. You don’t have that kind of dad. But there is a man who helped make you, and his name is [first name] and he lives in [state] and when you get older you can meet him if you want to.”
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I have adopted from the foster care system and I have met some people who were/are not the nicest person in the world. But I could not phantom disrespecting their first parents to my child. They created that life, and that life is a miracle – so how can you say such terrible things about them and their importance in their lives? I think using the foster care system is a very sad cop out!
Currently my son does not have contact with his b.mom as she tries to fix up her life that resulted in her son being in the foster care system in the first place. (Prayers are needed – although she is on the right path currently). I met with her a month ago and we were talking and she mentioned something about “YOUR son”. And I corrected her and said “OUR son” and she said that she didn’t want to “disrespect my role as his mom”. I told her that she could not do that. He is not just my son, and he is not just her son. He is OUR son and that is how it’ll be. She created his life and carried him and loved him and raised him for his first year of his life. How could I possibly tell him that she was just an “egg donor”. It does not make sense to me. No b.mom should ever be disrepected like that.
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I am both adopted, and have adopted (infant at birth.) While I can respect the fact that others may have a different view, I have to say that I just don’t get it – really truly don’t see it.
I don’t know who my biological father is. For the part of my life that I know, I was raised by my Dad – the man that married my mother while she was pregnant and adopted me when I was 2 years old. Other than very occasional basic curiosity and light musings about physical appearance, I have never once considered the other man a parent. He doesn’t represent any of the parenting that I know.
My husband and I recently adopted our son at birth. We have ongoing periodic communication with is biological/birth mother and only know information about his biological father through paperwork. While he’s too young to know at this point, we do refer occasionally to his birth mother by first name. And we will make sure to acknowledge often that she loved him enough to know his best life would be as the son of another family – a huge act of love on her part….. probably the most loving/mothering act that she could have made.
However, just like my bio-father/dad, she doesn’t parent (verb). We do.
We provide for all of his needs and make important life decisions for him on a daily basis. We are his parents. I don’t see how making this distinction disrespects him (our son) or her (his self-less biological mother) in any way. And (based on hearing directly from her on this subject), I believe that she agrees.
Again, I am writing only because I have the experience of both points of view – and I’m at a loss to deeply understand the “my son has 4 parents†position. Clearly this is an important issue and maybe it’s a situation of every case is different??
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Sarah; whether you view her as a mother or not doesn’t change the facts. While I assume that your experience definitely hinders your ability to accept your own child’s past, it doesn’t mean that your son didn’t come from another mother. You just can’t erase things like that. However, thanks for sharing your story and opinion in a respectful manner… unlike some other trolls, eh, Manni?
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Jenna: I am not sure what about my post indicated that I would erase my son’s origins. If anything, I think I clearly indicated that we will be honest with him about how he came to be, and how he came into our lives. And, unlike me, he may have a healthy interest in information about his birth/bio parents when he’s old enough to understand it. However, (and I do realize this entire discussion is really a matter of semantics) I feel strongly that I will not have done my job right if he looks to those for _parenting_ (the verb).
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What is “old enough” to “understand it.” The Munchkin is three and she understands who I am, who BigBrother is, is beginning to understand Husband AND Lincoln and the other variations of how adoption, stepparents, and SO on relate to her particular family makeup. Three.
Beyond that, if you read what I’ve written anywhere in this post/comments, you know that the Munchkin recognizes me as a Mother in her life but knows precisely who to go to for a bandaid, comfort or so on. It is NOT confusing to her. It is simply her reality. I don’t know why others are refusing to accept HER reality.
Beyond that, while showering just now, I thought of a great way to think about this particular topic and when I get caught up on everything today (so behind on laundry after this past week… wow)… that I’ll propose a change in thought tonight. ;)
Sarah; remember that children are far more resilient than we give them credit for! There is no set group of answers for this topic… but don’t simply assume that because you had no interest that your kiddo won’t… or that x-age is the only age in which is appropriate to discuss these topics. Making their reality REAL at an early age IS a great way to approach it. Best of luck!
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