Her Words Catch Me Off Guard
Posted: March 29, 2007 at 4:01 amYesterday, D, JD, Munchkin and I were outside playing when BigBrother woke up from his afternoon nap. BigBrother came outside, happy to see playing kids. He stood next to Munchkin as she spun around. And then she said,
“I’m playing with my brother!”
D got teary eyed. I didn’t. Why? I was so unbelievably shocked. I mean, she’s called him her brother before but usually in conversations where we are discussing who is a brother. This was unprompted by question or subject of a discussion. She simply stated it. Plain as day. Her brother.
Today, D ran off to shower with JD because we had homemade maple syrup (care of Gramps) with our pancakes this morning which makes for very messy boys. BigBrother was playing with Thomas. Munchkin was sitting in front of me. She turned to me and said:
“My other Mommy is in the shower.”
You just have no clue. No clue how it felt to feel my stomach drop to my toes and the color drain from my face. My heart exploded, remade itself and exploded again. I just said, “Yes, she is,” and Munchkin went back to playing. I sat, glued to the chair, shocked to pieces and … validated. It was nice. Unexpected and nice.
I’m always amazed at what she understands especially when she verbalizes it on her own. It was during our November visit that she hit the both of us with the two mommies statement, also unprompted. I’m just continuously amazed by her resilience.
And, on the same note, continuously annoyed with the nay-sayers of open adoption. “Children will be confused.” My butt. Does she sound confused? “X-age is too young to explain adoption to a child.” My butt. She’s three (and some). Look at the ground our family has already covered because we were willing to put in the actual work to make sure she understood instead of coming up with some cop-out excuse. She understands it. It’s her everyday norm. It’s her reality.
So eat that.
(More on this subject tomorrow. I ended up in more tears tonight but right now D and I need to dish.)
The Discussion
see what everyone is saying
Yes! Yes! Yes! Eat … that, you naysayers. Awesome, just awesome, Jenna. (And, frankly, I’m even feelin’ a bit of the ol’ validation over here in NJ. Maeve’s too young to verbalize this just yet, but you, Munchkin, D — the whole darn lot of you — are the proof, the truth, that I believe and have been trying to convey to those presenting me with the confusion argument.) YES!
Wow – just – wow.
Both Munchkin’s mummy’s are pretty special women.
I’ve got big tears in my eyes for your little girl today.
WOW.
Poss. xxx
I love it!! I have to agree with Gretchen on the whole this is validation of the fact that kids aren’t confused in an open adoption :)
I’m so glad the visit is going well and I hope maybe NEXT TIME we can meet everyone! I would LOVE Madison to have another friend in a fully open adoption. The adopted kids we know have semi-open or international adoptions and that’s so totally different.
Wow… that is all I can say. I am a firm believer that 3 year olds “get it” after some of the things my barely 3yo DD comes up with. As foe the confusing part, I have to say this (and will blog about it soon I hope)… for us, the confusing part is the ABSENCE of her First Mother, who I wish wouldn’t have taken herself out of our relationship. We talk about her First Mother alot and right now, she is looking for her everywhere. “Is that my K?” she asks. Now that is sad to me. And it breaks this Other Mommy’s heart.
I am so thankful you share these most intimate moments. They do show how truly enriching and life-giving an open adoption can be when everyone is working together for their babes.
Blessings Jenna…
Perfect.
thanks for sharing
Oh, Munchkin. She’s wonderful, as are all of her brothers and both of her mommies. :D
I’m all weepy with joy for you and with you. Yes, the kids get it if it’s presented as just another normal. And it is normal. I can’t stop the weepies!
Thats so sweet! I hate when people say children cannot understand things like that… it seems like those people are really making excuses for keeping things the way they USED to be. Little kids aren’t born with society’s idea of what IS a family and what ISN’T… and if you teach them while they’re young, they’ll always just take it for granted that in this world a kid can have two mommies, two daddies, any number of siblings who may or maynot live with them, etc.
Keep up the good work! Glad you’re enjoying the visit!
YO! — not related to this post, but you gotta check out this post ‘o mine. O’tay?
pretty please!
My boys adoptive parents used the “confused thing” for cutting off visits all together. I haven’t seen them in almost 10 years.
But you today give me hope Jenna, because you are strong, because you write, because you are blessed, that maybe one day adoption will be better. Maybe not for me, but for those in the future.
And suddenly I’m not jealous anymore – but hopeful, for you and for others in your situation. I admire you, really I do.
She sounds like a very intelligent girl who is sure of herself and she knows that she is loved..
:) Both of her mommies are great and she has taken a lot from you and D.
[...] words catch me off guard, for sure. For good. And for … not so [...]
Kids simply know how everything fits together. It’s really simple when you look at it from their point of view. And I completely agree – there’s no confusion. I’m glad you posted this, because those who oppose open adoption need to hear it.
[...] So is it any wonder this stuff about Moonbeam “having a hard time saying she has two moms” has thrown me for a loop? Is it any wonder I’m uneasy that’s categorizing Sunshine as a cousin (while, meanwhile, Jenna’s daughter, at the tender age of three, is quite independently calling…)? [...]
[...] she used to work with children exclusively and knows a great deal about child development — Jenna’s Munchkin is probably extremely advanced in this regard if she already gets a lot of this, if my therapist is [...]