Comments on: Ouch. http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/ Writing Our Ever-Evolving Story Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:41:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Michelle H http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1570 Michelle H Fri, 06 Apr 2007 15:53:13 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1570 Sweetie, I'm sorry for the pain it caused. However maybe it isn't a bad idea that you (and D) get used to that zinger now because you are right - it will come with intention... I won't use your word 'malice' at least yet for our house but Hayley does pull the routine every so often in extreme anger. More like 'why can't I have parents who don't make me [insert oedious task]' ... and later I get a very sad snuggly girl who tells me that she never means that. I think the best thing we've done and continued to do is remind her that her feelings/love/attachment to her birth family has nothing to do with her feelings/love/attachment to her adopted family. Just like a parent can love more than one child, you can love more than one mom or dad. J & I just happen to be the mom and dad who are parenting her. People have often asked me why in the heck I tell Hayley so much information about her birth family - like telling her about her half-brothers, which we were told by the SW we might not want to mention. Outside of our views on open adoption, the fact is younger children DEAL better with knowledge and process it better as they grow if they've known it longer. Munchkin will be healthier and happier b/c she knows you right now - as will all the other kids involved on both sides. The younger they experience things, the less problems I think they'll have with the issues when they are older... so maybe those obnoxious comparisions won't come as often. Hang in there. Sweetie, I’m sorry for the pain it caused.

However maybe it isn’t a bad idea that you (and D) get used to that zinger now because you are right – it will come with intention… I won’t use your word ‘malice’ at least yet for our house but Hayley does pull the routine every so often in extreme anger. More like ‘why can’t I have parents who don’t make me [insert oedious task]‘ … and later I get a very sad snuggly girl who tells me that she never means that.

I think the best thing we’ve done and continued to do is remind her that her feelings/love/attachment to her birth family has nothing to do with her feelings/love/attachment to her adopted family. Just like a parent can love more than one child, you can love more than one mom or dad. J & I just happen to be the mom and dad who are parenting her.

People have often asked me why in the heck I tell Hayley so much information about her birth family – like telling her about her half-brothers, which we were told by the SW we might not want to mention. Outside of our views on open adoption, the fact is younger children DEAL better with knowledge and process it better as they grow if they’ve known it longer. Munchkin will be healthier and happier b/c she knows you right now – as will all the other kids involved on both sides. The younger they experience things, the less problems I think they’ll have with the issues when they are older… so maybe those obnoxious comparisions won’t come as often.

Hang in there.

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]]> By: Nicole http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1574 Nicole Sun, 01 Apr 2007 06:57:24 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1574 I think that she even pits you guys against each other like that, even if nonchalantly, actually speaks VOLUMES about how connected she feels to YOU, Jenna. Think about it. Kids don't do that kind of thing with daycare workers, aunts, babysitters. They do it with PARENTS. She considers you a parent. I think that she even pits you guys against each other like that, even if nonchalantly, actually speaks VOLUMES about how connected she feels to YOU, Jenna.

Think about it. Kids don’t do that kind of thing with daycare workers, aunts, babysitters. They do it with PARENTS. She considers you a parent.

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]]> By: abebech http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1571 abebech Sun, 01 Apr 2007 02:12:25 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1571 I do think he's right, that she was just trying to clarify and maybe, too, she's working out the difference between your role with her and with your son? Cause it sure is clear she knows you are both her real mommies, smart little girl. (Though yes, she will most definitely tell you both that you are not when she's an adolescent. And that will suck but be perfectly normal). So sorry you were hurt though. I can imagine that would be painful. Wanted to add too that your babies are gorgeous. I do think he’s right, that she was just trying to clarify and maybe, too, she’s working out the difference between your role with her and with your son? Cause it sure is clear she knows you are both her real mommies, smart little girl. (Though yes, she will most definitely tell you both that you are not when she’s an adolescent. And that will suck but be perfectly normal). So sorry you were hurt though. I can imagine that would be painful.
Wanted to add too that your babies are gorgeous.

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]]> By: Gretchen http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1573 Gretchen Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:51:38 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1573 Sorry for the zinger. It's good Husband is there and, ultimately, in your heart of hearts, you know she loves you much and it's toddler speak and nothing malicious about it. But I hear you, that it hurt. Thinking of you and wishing you well, with lots of Munchkin hugs, for the rest of your visit. Sorry for the zinger. It’s good Husband is there and, ultimately, in your heart of hearts, you know she loves you much and it’s toddler speak and nothing malicious about it. But I hear you, that it hurt. Thinking of you and wishing you well, with lots of Munchkin hugs, for the rest of your visit.

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]]> By: Susan http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1572 Susan Sat, 31 Mar 2007 01:11:23 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1572 Children call up the widest range of emotions with their words-what a rollercoaster. You are all amazing. Children call up the widest range of emotions with their words-what a rollercoaster.

You are all amazing.

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]]> By: dawn http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1569 dawn Fri, 30 Mar 2007 20:12:12 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1569 I'm sorry for the yowch. Wish I had something comforting to say but I'm so glad that Husband is there to talk you out of bedrooms. Love to you!! I’m sorry for the yowch. Wish I had something comforting to say but I’m so glad that Husband is there to talk you out of bedrooms. Love to you!!

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]]> By: Erin http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/comment-page-1/#comment-1568 Erin Fri, 30 Mar 2007 18:57:47 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/03/30/ouch/#comment-1568 (((Jenna))) bummer, especially after her obviously knowing the whole other mommy thing and being on a high from that. Someday she will look at D and say "You can't tell me what to do, you aren't my real mom" and she'll give you the same line someday. *sigh* adoption is so fun... blech (((Jenna)))

bummer, especially after her obviously knowing the whole other mommy thing and being on a high from that.

Someday she will look at D and say “You can’t tell me what to do, you aren’t my real mom” and she’ll give you the same line someday.

*sigh* adoption is so fun… blech

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