Seriously Though, I’m Beefed
Posted: April 13, 2007 at 3:56 amRegarding my last post where I discuss being harassed by an adoption agency via Myspace: I’m really beefed about this event. Really freaking beefed! At first I was caught off guard and mildly shocked. Then I was somewhat offended. And as I sat in the realization that I had been all but propositioned for my child, I was pretty darn ticked off!
I’m tired of agencies. In general. It’s this kind of junk that they’re pulling, under the guise of “networking” that really yanks my chain. You don’t blindly contact a newly pregnant woman for “networking.” You contact her because you want her child; plain and simple. You don’t contact her because you think maybe she has other knocked up friends who you can steal children from; you’re honestly banking on the hopes that maybe this was some accidental pregnancy and maybe you can get your claws in before she realizes that motherhood is awesome… or before she contacts another agency.
My head is throbbing.
When I went back to investigate their MySpace page further, I really did the whole mini-vomit in my mouth experience. In their “networking” section, they list “exotic dancing.” BECAUSE ONLY STRIPPERS EXPERIENCE UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES?! My brain just exploded a little more. Not that there’s one thing wrong with strippers, but, uhm, excuse me? I just can’t even fathom that line of thought.
Of course, I can’t fathom the entire propositioning a pregnant woman on MySpace in the first place. I’m just not getting the thought process behind such an absolutely grotesque move. If you contact someone who is only 6weeks4days pregnant with your agency’s info, is that like calling “DIBS?!” Or shotgun for the front seat of the car? Are we now in a race to see who can talk a mother out of parenting her child first?
Because, you know what line I always get when I talk about the coercion that ANLC brought into our “relationship?” I get this: “Well, you contacted them. You should have thoroughly researched everything there was to know about adoption before contacting them. You should have known what you were getting into. It’s your fault.” Again, this always comes from people who don’t understand that adoption agencies are trained to make expectant mothers doubt themselves (or, to be less broad, ANLC).
So how does this scenario factor in?
I didn’t contact this agency. They contacted ME. If I was a mother, unsure of what to do with my child and our future (which I’m not so buzz off), would their message have been the unstoppable snowball of self-doubt? I didn’t reach out to them; they sought out me. Or, more specifically, they sought out the unborn child growing within my womb. And, catching me so early, before I have a chance to bond with this child, would it be beneficial to their cause? I think so. Catch a mother before she identifies herself as such, before she bonds with the child she has conceived. Catch a mother before she starts researching resources. Catch a mother and make her feel indebted to you, for your emotional support during such a hard time in her life. Make her feel as if she has no other option. Heck, tell her that she has no other option.
How far would these people have gone?
Still, sitting here, half-a-day later, I am angry, upset, confused, worried and frustrated. Are we making any difference? In speaking out about the unethical agencies? The injustices caused by coercive tactics to get mothers to place? The hurt and pain? The grief? Is anyone listening? Can we ever possibly be louder than the agencies with all of the glitz and glam and promises that someday the pain will just magically disappear? (Because what do you want to hear? That it will last forever or that it will go away someday? I know what I believed.) Can we ever be in enough places to outnumber and outspeak these liars? Can we ever step out from under the “Angry Birth Mother” umbrella and have people ACTUALLY listen to us and believe what we’re saying?
Or will newly expectant mothers continue to be harassed by agencies on MySpace? On their blogs? In malls? In doctor’s offices? Where does it stop? When will it end? What can be done?
And, for the record, keep your paws, your thoughts and any other unethical crud off of this baby. If you thought I was overprotective Mamma-bear type with BigBrother and that pregnancy, well, NO ONE PROPOSITIONED ME FOR MY BABY. *cries*
The Discussion
see what everyone is saying
OMG Jenna, just… omg.
But we ARE making a difference.
They wouldn’t have to censor us if we weren’t.
They’re scared, and if they’re trolling MySpace for planned babies, maybe they’re also getting desperate.
We’ll get ‘em. Someday, we’ll get ‘em.
“Network,” my ass! That’s sick!
But Nic’s right, maybe they are getting desperate. I hope so.
Oh Jenna,
This is TERRIBLE! I cannot imagine the shock and outrage you felt. Even a person who had no connection to adoption would surely be shocked and outraged by this contact. It is sad and crazy. Hopefully by you telling us, people here will tell others who will tell others and the word will spread.
((((HUGS))))
Ugh.
Vomit
Utterly wrong and they should be banned from MYSPACE and from the world.
I can’t believe that they will target every woman who posts a pregnancy pic and try to solicit her for her child. It’s just sick.
OMG!! WHO IS THIS AGENCY!!?? (she asks as she pukes…)
Em
Oh, I see your other post now…that’s what I get for reading out of order…
Hey..it was MySpace..maybe we should tell Tom? A nice well worded to Tm about how his brain child is now being used to troll for babies by BS agancies? After all, the sex scandles/prowlers were alot for him to deal with…I bet he won’t want a repeat of that ( oh wait..that measnt the media would have to listen to us and care…dern)
But yeah..I have to say..it does show a level of desperation…
I think your perspective would be really helpful on the China board on the thread titled, “Dr Phil.”
:o)
There’s too much anti-birth mother sentiment in that thread allready for me to step my foot in. Even I have my limits. (Especially when I’m over hormonal.)
It should be illegal for agencies to advertise and to do this kind of outreach. It’s bullshit.
Yay! Congratulations on the baby! I am so happy for you!
About the solicitation – YUCK, I want to throw-up. That is horrid. I’m ed.
But agencies are changing! I talked to my agency a couple weeks ago. I hope it’s okay that I mentioned your blog to the post adoption specialist – (yes they have a social worker for post adoption! How cool is that? Her job is to handle correspondence, refer us to therapists, facilitate reunions, help with conflict, and just listen. She talked with me for over an hour. Neat huh?). She said that she would read and even refer our blogs to potential adoptive parents. Yes, we are making a difference. Maybe in the agencies that try to be ethical (even if they were not in the past unknowingly) change they will pressure other agencies to change. It has to start somewhere right? I think we have reached out to adoptive parents and now we have to reach out to agencies, because I know that some social workers are just uninformed.
That is very strange that they are randomly contacting pregnant people via Myspace! First of all, most people who announce and post about their pregnancies via Myspace are people who were planning their pregnancies and are excited and want to tell everyone… not people who are in a crisis and trying to think of alternatives! An adoption agency contacting people on Myspace isn’t just rude… its classless.
I think the most disgusting part is if you go to the website and look under alternatives under parenting, they list how much (I’m sure it’s exaggerating) to raise a child and his he daddy material. They make men out to be horrible creatures that probably won’t be there for you. This is all scare tactics. They talk about children as if they are just pure financial strains.
http://www.pregnancyhelponline.com/pregnancy_options/index.html
THis truly is sickening… a new low… I am so sorry this happened to you Jenna…
I’m still shocked, to be quite frank.
OK, how many expectant mothers who are in crisis go through the trouble to document their pregnancies week-by-week with a photo progression? And then do the photo-editing, resizing and spend the time posting to a blog-site? How many? I bet you did that with Munchkin. I bet Nicole did it with Moonbeam. I bet at the time you (collective relinquishing moms, here) were experiencing your crisis pregnancies you were all screaming to the masses how happy you were with your situations. *gag*
What REALLY pisses me off is the fact that it’s obvious you’re married with another child. I’m not sure exactly what percentage of relinquishing mothers are in happy marriages with previous children, but my guess is that it’s probably 0. (Of course, now that I say that, I know of one situation, but that was a special circumstance and those relinquishing parents were pond scum.) So, almost 0%.
Plus, all this censorship going around has me fired up beyond belief: the last time I checked this was the United States, and you have the right to free speech. If you want to lambast them on your blog, I think that qualifies. It’s evident you’re expressing your opinion.
Errrr…does anyone have a good bottle of Merlot or something? Why don’t I ever have anything in the house when I want a good drink??
Poohsticks.
Okay, now I am really ticked off! Not surprised though, I know how ruthless many of the agencies are!
I have seen that agency’s site and it is horrendous, IMHO.
As for Jandjen94, it should make no difference whether you are married and with other children or not, an agency should not be trolling for babies. It is wrong whether a mother is married, with other children, or ???.
That is unbelievable! I am amazed… but maybe I shouldn’t be. They are getting that desperate. I think Tom should hear about that… it ought to be illegal if is isn’t.
YOu know, just when I think things are starting to change and people are starting to get it, then this happens. YUCK! I cannot even fathom it. Disgusting…
First, congrats on the new baby !
We adopted our son through Lifetime in 2003 and honestly at the time we thought they walked on water (talk about being naive), but still in the post adoption high we signed with them again last year and what a difference 3 years makes. They have gone from being a helpful organization to being interested in only money. I am friends with a few other waiting parents and we joke about how pathetic they have become.
The fact that they even had a myspace page was ridiculous, we laughed about how desperate they must be, considering the content on that page and the fact that they try to appear as if they are a pregnant woman looking to talk to other pregnant woman. Makes my skin crawl.
As for the commenter above who said they must be desperate for babies to place, that could not be more true. While they quote a 6-12 month wait time for a baby – the reality is more and more of their families are at the 2 and 3 year mark. So I think yes they are very desperate, very.
Anyways, just wanted to voice my support in favor of ethical adoption practices, and to once again say congrats !!! on your new baby…
g.