As many of my readers know, I’m pretty strong in my faith. Even with all the crap that has come at me via adoption, my health, miscarriage and other bad lots of luck, I’ve managed to hold on to some inkling of faith. I enjoy my time in church, my time with God.
But man, sometimes. SOMETIMES, I still want to shake my fist at God.
Choir practice was last night. It’s the only time that I’ve been having adult interaction the past two weeks (other than my gynecologist, mmm) due to my severe nausea. We were singing through new songs to pick out some good stuff for the end of our “year.” (We don’t sing as a choir in the summer.) Well, someone (bless her) suggested this medley about being a child of God. I look. First and second songs were updated versions of old classics and good stuff. Third one?
“I’ve Been Adopted.”
I seriously thought I was going to pass out.
I understand, as a Christian, that some really, really like the analogy of being adopted by God into the family of believers. I get that. I respect it. I don’t want to sing the words, “I’ve been adopted.” I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. (Imagine much stomping of feet.)
In fact, I sang through the first two songs in the medley and wouldn’t even look at my book for the third song. Immature? Probably. Coping mechanism not to break down in a fit of tears? Definitely. Only made worse by a dear woman in the choir who likes to act out songs (but just in practice) saying that we could all dress up as foster children.
Now remember, I’m nauseous as all get out, right? It took all of my being not to throw up.
I know, I know. It’s because God took us into His family. But, the way I see it is that I was always a part of His family and I just had to make the decision to be an active member of the family. (Argue it with me, fine, but I refuse … REFUSE … to use adoption speak as an analogy for my faith. You can use it in yours. I will NOT in mine.)
Adoption does not hold fuzzy warm connotations for me. It doesn’t. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love my daughter. Pfft, duh. But it’s not something I sing about with a smile on my face. Adoption, the word itself, hangs so heavy when it’s mentioned in a news cast, a sitcom or in a “joke.” The word itself doesn’t make me thankful or grateful.
My only ONLY hope is that they sing it on one of the two Sundays were gone to Disney world: May 6th or… duh duh DUHHHHHHHHHHH … Mother’s Day. Because I will not sing it. I’m not there yet. Maybe I will be in 40 years…
But I doubt that I’ll ever feel “warm and fuzzy” when the word adoption is said.
12 Responses to “No Warm Fuzzy Feeling”
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Jenna, I am totally with you on the distaste for the “God’s adopted children” metaphor. Our adopted daughter has received some Christian kids books about adoption that use that metaphor, and they will probably find their way to Goodwill. In fact, my husband and I chose to preach the sermon at our daughter’s baptism because we didn’t want any unfortunate comparisons being drawn.
And like you, I object to the metaphor on theological grounds, not just emotional ones. Even if it was Paul who came up with it …
*HUGS*
I don’t like adoption analogy’s either. The prodigal son was never *not* his father’s son.
I’m not comfortable with the use of “adoption” or “adopted” when it refers to anything except the adoption of a human being. Such as in “adopting a dog” at the animal shelter or “adopting an online pet”. It strikes a chord with me, too. If you google “adopt” the VERY FIRST link that comes up is for pet adoption. I’m sorry but I’m not comfortable talking about my family on the same level others talk about their pets. *shrug* Maybe I’m weird?
(((((Jenna)))))
Immature? No. Making it clear that this was offensive is how to leverage change.
And “dress up as foster children?” What may I ask do foster children wear that the rest of us don’t. Actually, I’m afraid of that answer, but what was she thinking?
I’m with Margie — what the hell do foster children wear??? How does one dress up like a foster child??
GAH! Don’t sing it. Get a sudden case of nausea and excuse yourself graciously, which could very possibly be the case if you have to stand there and even listen to them sing it. They know you’re pregnant so nobody would think twice about that.
Eef. Add another to the “what do foster children wear / you shouldn’t sing that” camp.
If I knew you better, I’d offer to meet up at Disney. We’ll be there the 3rd through the 15th.
I am Christian too and I don’t like how people use that adoption analogy. I believe Paul was talking only of the legal inheritance rights in Biblical times – meaning that God gives us our claim to the kingdom, not that we were ever orphans or lost our original Creator Parent (God). Beacuse there is no other “birthparent” than God, right? Just as the other commentor said the Prodigal son was still the son but he had left home and spent his inheritance so his father adopted him back to give him more. That is adoption-as-reunion, is it not?
Maybe when you get over being nauseous (in 40 years LOL?) You can set that choir straight and tell them what kind of clothes “foster children” wear…
I’m at a loss too. Maybe the ladies in your choir can enlighten all of us. How exactly do foster children dress?
[...] 23rd, 2007 by mom2one Just a few days after Jenna posted about her church choir choosing the hymn “I’ve Been Adopted” as part of their collection of hymns about being God’s children to round out their choir year [...]
Hi Jenna,
I can definitely see how, based on your experience, anything related to adoption would be triggering. The whole idea of dressing up as foster children??? Uh, what??? I’m with everyone else on that. And, if they go with that song, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to sing it.
But (you knew that was coming), I did feel I needed to mention that there seems to be some misunderstanding (in the comments)about adoption in the Bible. It’s not at all mentioned in reference to the Prodigal Son. God’s original plan with his people, the Israelites (Abraham’s household and descendants), excluded the rest of us. By his mercy and love for everyone, he made it possible for the rest of us to become part of his family through Jesus, and every bit as much his children as the Israelites were. That’s what is spoken of as being “adopted” as sons in the Bible. It’s not a metaphor that someone made up and thought sounded nice, it was God’s description. Ephesians 1:5 says “He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will.” Galatians 3:29 says, “And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”
Adoption was God’s chosen means of bringing His fallen creatures into a permanent relationship with Himself.
Although our experiences can bring about negative connotations with words, I don’t think we should discount principles from the bible based on that. Without God “adopting” us “Gentiles”, you and I would have no hope. It’s a fact.
That said, it’s entirely understandable that you would be uncomfortable singing about adoption, and I’m not suggesting you even try! I just hate to see people throw out portions of the Bible because of misunderstanding.
With all respect,
Wendy
I so appreciated reading your post, and would have felt the same way about that song.
I John 3:9 says that Christians are “born of God” and actually uses the original language meaning “God’s SEED”. I don’t need to be adopted by God. I was BORN of Him, when I was born again (John 3:3). The Prodigal Son was a born son of the Father, not an adopted son, and he was brought back into fellowship with Him, just as all who choose Him as their Savior. Thank God.
The adoption that is spoken of in Eph. 1:5, or the NT, is not like childhood adoption, thank God. In NT times adoption was done by consenting adults – both parties had to consent, it was a choice made by the adoptee, to be adopted into a family. Just like Christians make the choice to receive Him as our Savior and Lord – but we are already SONS by our re-birth in Him. Adoption is about LOSS as a child – I want to be fully God’s child or not at all. And thank God he allows for me being reborn in Him, not adopted in Him.
I remember having to sing that song at church camp during music class one year. Every day we had to sing it. I hated it – HATED IT. It bothered me so much that I talked to my counselor about it (something that I never did). We did not sing it again – sweet relief.