A bunch of (emotional) stuff has been going on that I don’t feel particularly comfortable airing in public. However, this particular issue is a safe one and is in need of some outside advice. So, please read and consider ideas as you process. Comments are very welcome.

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As you all know, TheHusbandMan and I are expecting another baby in early December. While I was on cloud nine during my pregnancy with BigBrother (though, not after!), my anxiety has been a little (understatement) this time around. Increased therapy has been helping me sort through some of the issues and emotions. One of the issues this time around, not surprisingly, applies directly to the Munchkin.

When I was pregnant last time around, she was BigBrother’s age. From conversations with D, even though she saw her belly everyday, she didn’t really “get it” until JD was at home everyday. And so, this time around, she is older, already understands that she grew in my belly and will most likely either have questions or comments regarding the matter. My therapist and I had a break through yesterday that this is causing me a lot of anxiety.

She knows that she grew in my belly. But her Mom is D. BigBrother grew in my belly and he lives in my house. What will she ask or say? And, more importantly, in hopes of pre-emptively combatting questions, how do we (as in D and I) present the pregnancy, the belly and the surrounding issues?

Obviously, I asked D first because, first and foremost, it’s her decision (or approval of decisions) that matters most as she is the Mom here. She didn’t have any immediate answers, but is pondering it as well. She did bring up the brilliant point that a picture sits on Munchkin’s night stand: me, pregnant as all get-out with the Munchkin standing next to D. (Then D told me that sometimes Munchkin wakes up with it in her bed and that made me cry and snot all over myself.)

Anyway, I’m starting to ramble: how would you, as a birth mother and Mom team, approach this subject. Again, she understands that BigBrother is her brother, even though he lives in Bu-hio. So, obviously, telling her that she’ll have another gendered-sibling-yet-to-be-discovered that will live in Bu-hio. But, do we wait until I’m showing (…more) so that she can visually put two and two together? Or does D start telling her now? Or do I send a picture of my belly every month when I send her a picture of BigBrother doing his favorite/new thing? Or?

I know some of you have been through this, both on the adoptive and birth parent side. So, help me out with some ideas. D and I are brainstorming together but right now, we’re just kind of sitting here, unsure of what to do first. Help us find our footpath!

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By the way, BigBrother is now recognizing any child smaller than him as a “bay-beee!” I’m glad for this development. As soon as we know the gender (mid-July), that kid gets a doll.