I’m frustrated. And I need to vent about it.

I’m 100% tired of people. That sounds mean. To clarify, I’m 100% tired of certain attitudes from certain people. I almost threw up this morning and I’m not even experiencing anymore pregnancy-induced nausea. I seriously gagged and then got all of those angry tears (you know what I’m talking about) and then my blood pressure went through the roof.

I read a post by a woman/mother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. The father is not interested. That’s not what made me mad though I would like to find him and shake him for her but, from my experience, that doesn’t work. Mother goes on to say that she really wants to parent, as a single parent, but isn’t sure of what that entails. Asks advice.

Now, I know advice is a way for everyone to make themselves feel better about the choices they made in their own lives and a way of shoving your opinion down someone’s throat because, “Hey! They asked for it!” But COME ON.

So this OTHER woman, whom I don’t want to taint with the title of adoptive mom because she makes the rest of adoptive mothers look awful, goes on, after I and a few others have commented to say things like “research all of your options regarding parenting FIRST and then FULLY research everything that adoption entails in your state,”… she goes on to say things like “Adoption doesn’t have to be a last resort! Adoption is so good! Babies aren’t necessarily better off with their biological mothers! Someone else CAN do better! It’s a beautiful gift! OMGWEE!” It’s worse but I don’t have the time or energy to grab direct quotes this morning. This vent is solely so I’m not dwelling on it in church.

The comment from this woman ignored EVERYTHING that the expectant mother said about WANTING to parent (which I find to be VERY important in determining which way to reply to an expectant parent!!!!!). Didn’t ever say, “But if your heart is saying that you want to parent, then by all means, DO IT.” Nope. Adoption rhetoric. Down this girls’ throat. Everything is happy! But I won’t tell you about grief! And loss! And guilt! And shame! It’s just happy! It’s just good! Don’t think about it last! Think about it now! OMGSQUEEGIMMEYOURBABY!

Thankfully a birth mom and an adoptee chimed in with opposing viewpoints for the glee-fest that this woman had. I couldn’t bring myself to even reply. It’s like banging my head against a brick wall. She won’t listen. She hasn’t listened. She won’t see things past the end of her own experience. She has made me cry. She has made me scream. She has made me cuss, and my cussing is pretty minimal these days! She has made my Husband get an EARFUL of information/opinion/whining/venting/crying.

That said, before someone comments and says, “But adoption can be good.” Well, no duh. I’m not anti-adoption up in here, we know this. But I’m tired… so tired… of that whole line of bull. I was fed it by my wondrous agency. I know that mothers are still being force fed the same lines by the same agency, by other agencies, by their families who don’t know any better and by those who can’t look past the end of their nose to see, “Hmm, this might not be a woman who needs to place her baby.” (Because I think we can all admit that very few “voluntary” relinquishments are NEEDED.)

I’m just tired. I try to do a good job and structure my replies to expectant mothers based on what they write. Those who SAY that they want to parent get limited info about adoption (except EVERYONE gets told to research their state law on whether OA is legally enforceable in their state) and told about the many resources available. Those who are leaning mostly to adoption get more information on OA (still legally enforceable warning as well!) as well as a reminder to research any and all resources available from their state. I offer up the horror story of my agency when asked. I tell about the good relationship I have with my daughter and her family… and I also state that we’re not in the majority.

But, apparently it’s okay for half-truths, half-stories and rhetoric to be shoved down unsuspecting mothers’ throats.

Brick. Frickin. Wall.