Tags: Fathers in Adoption, Stereotypes
Outstanding and necessary study just released by Gary Clapton: The Experiences and Needs of Birth Fathers: What We Know and Some Practice Implications. Download it (if you can) and read it all. And then pass the link on to other people.
We fight, tooth and nail, for someone/anyone to understand that birth mothers do not fit the stereotypes that society wants to shove us into… and now it is time to fight for the same darn thing for birth fathers all over the world.
(If you can’t download it, e-mail me. I did hit the highlights over at adoptionblogs.)
Wow. jenna. thanks for sharing. i couldnt agree more. this is a subject near and dear to my heart as my daughters father suffered greatly (and still does). i know first hand from him, and brad, and dan and others that fathers do indeed suffer and suffer deeply. like moms, it can affect the rest of their lives, their future marriages, their subsequent children.
glad to see this topic getting some press. i read your adoption blog posting and it made me choke up and cry. its so very triggering to me (so so much to my story I just dont share). thank you again for sharing. maybe in a day or two i will to get the emotional stamina to read the other articles you have linked there.
By suz on 05.31.07 8:09 pm | Permalink
Suz; I’m also emotionally spent now. After the series I worked on and then this today, my heart is kind of full and broken at the same time. My thoughts are drawn to Munchkin’s birth father and I’m hoping he is well today. We speak on occasion… and it hasn’t been until the last year that he’s started to open up about how emotionally wrecked the whole adoption has left him. And that’s hard for me at the same time as he has always been a pillar of strength in my life… and I helped to cause his… demise? Sigh.
By Jenna on 05.31.07 8:12 pm | Permalink
Oh yeah, sister, I totally understand. I remember when I found my daughter, I also reunited with her father. I remember us sitting in his truck hugging and sobbing and heaving and crying. I said “I gave her away but I brought her back. SEE? I found her. I brought her back. Do you forgive me?”. I never heard a man cry like I heard him cry that day.
Yes. I understand. All too well.
By suz on 05.31.07 8:16 pm | Permalink
Jenna, thanks for recognizing the fathers and the impact of adoption on them. I will have to check out the article, I am always looking for information on fathers and adoption.
FYI – I checked online with the local university and it looks like they can provide access to the publication/article, others may be able to access a local university library. Ours is open to the public.
Suz, Your thoughts and experiences always hit home with me and your last comment really hit me hard.
I am a first father, 10 months into a reunion after 32 years. At the time I felt so helpless. My son’s mother was sent away for the last 3 months. I was able to visit her once and feel the baby kick and see her smile. She came back and there was no baby. I had no one to talk too and no counseling. I did not know how to deal with the adoption. At times I have subconsciously felt cheated, like his mom had kept my son away from me.
Talking to his mom after 30 some years of separation and sharing some of our feelings, thoughts and experiences about the adoption was extremely emotional, especially after never talking about it.
I believe the world needs to hear about all of our experiences, adoptees, mothers and fathers and we all need to work together to educate the world and ourselves.
Thanks, Pat
By Pat on 06.01.07 5:25 am | Permalink