Pregnancy, a Munchkin and Salami
Posted: June 19, 2007 at 5:51 pmI’ve felt fetal movement. NewBaby doesn’t like me to bend over but does like when I stretch out on my back in the morning. Still small movements, no one outside of my skin has felt NewBaby do tricks. D and I had discussed that, as Munchkin is now at an age to process the pregnancy and what that means to her, it may still be somewhat abstract to her if she can’t feel the baby move. And so we weren’t going to discuss it on this visit.
J had other ideas.
Upon my arrival, Munchkin had taken me to her new (totally awesome) room to show me everything (in all of its awesomeness). As usual, right next to her bed, on her night stand, sat the picture of me, sevenish months pregnant with the Munchkin with D standing beside me. (I hate this picture. It was raining. I look horrid. And no, I’m never scanning it. Ever.) I sit down and she shows me that I’m in the picture and so is her Mommy. I ask her who is in my belly and she says, “A baby.” I leave it at that because she gets very excited about something (ponies, I think) and we move away from the bed.
Skip forward two nights.
J asks if we’ve discussed the pregnancy with her. We say no. We explain why. J says she can handle it and we bring her over. Except then, they’re not doing the talking. It’s me! I’m doing the talking! About this very important matter! And my anxiety sky rockets.
It basically went along the lines of:
Munchkin’sFirstMom: Do you know what’s in my belly?
Munchkin: *Pause.*
Munchkin’sFirstMom: A baby.
Munchkin: Can I see it?
Room of Adults: *Laughter.*
Munchkin’sFirstMom: No, the baby won’t come out until December.
Munchkin: Oh. Why?
Munchkin’sFirstMom: It has to grow bigger.
Adults talk about it for a few minutes, including that the baby will be a new brother or sister for her. She’s still intrigued that there is a human in my belly. This is where things got foggy. We tried to conjure up memories of when JD was in D’s belly. She nodded. Then she was asked whose belly she grew in. She didn’t seem to want to answer. So, J had us go get the infamous picture next to the bed. She correctly identified both D and myself. Then we asked who was in my belly.
BigBrother?
No.
Then we tried to explain that she was the one in my belly. Wrong answer. We maybe should have stopped when she didn’t want to answer whose belly she grew in. She met the information that she was in my belly in that picture with a hearty, “NO!” And then the adults ended the conversation, agreeing that it was a lot to process at eight o’clock in the evening. And that was that.
She didn’t seem phased after the discussion. She went back to playing. She didn’t avoid me at all, or her Mom or her Dad or any of her brothers. Basically, I think everything got a little over her head, with adults expecting answers, and she just wanted the conversation to end. So we ended it.
How do I feel?
Somewhat confused, upset but glad that the initial conversation is over. I’m upset because I don’t ever want to make Munchkin upset. While she didn’t get much more upset than a hearty “NO,” (I’ve seen her get more mad at her brother(s)), I still felt bad. Confused because I don’t know, necessarily, when we’ll next be visiting (I was on bed rest during Munchkin’s pregnancy starting at 18 weeks; 32 weeks with BigBrother) and while I know that this conversation was fully age appropriate and at least brought it up, I still worry that I didn’t cover it properly or that she’ll have questions for me and I’ll be unavailable. (Not that D can’t field her questions but I like to be available when she actually wants to talk to ME, ya know?)
But again, I’m glad that the initial discussion is over and done with. I’m glad that we’re not keeping it from her. I’m glad that’s it’s just over. I was so stressed about it for so long. While it could have gone better in my fantasy of blissful openness, it could have gone much, much worse as well. I can handle this conversation. I can keep it as a memory. I can cherish the laughter we had when she asked if she could see the NewBaby.
But oh! Later! We discussed what we should name the baby. We asked Munchkin.
Munchkin: “Saaaaaaaaaaa-laaaaaaa-MI! SALAMI!”
Sorry, Munchkin, I think we’ll take over the naming rights. But we may just nickname this kiddo Salami. Just for the heck of it.
The Discussion
see what everyone is saying
LOL about Salami! When I was pregnant with Donovan, Kelsey (then 3) was absolutely insistent that we name him Food. For awhile after he was born, she insisted that his “real” name was Food, and that Donovan was just his nickname.
Ok, I had to cut off the last comment because the phone rang.
I’m sorry talking about the pregnancy was anxiety-provoking and confusing, but it sounds like it really went pretty well. Understanding that there is a baby in your belly is probably all she’s capable of right now. Her understanding the nature of her relationship with that baby will come in time. And as far as her insisting that wasn’t her in your belly – at this point she most likely can’t comprehend that she was ever in ANYONE’S belly! That will come in time as well. I know she seems to understand a lot about the adoption, etc. right now, but keep in mind that at 3 1/2 she’s still very young to be processing all of this! I’m sure she’ll have lots of questions about the pregnancy/baby/you, and they’ll pop out at the most random times. And as she grows and matures over the next few months and years, her understanding will as well.
My (adopted) son Chance is also 3 and half. He has always known that he grew in C. belly and not mine. But in the last 3 months whenever we talk about it he always says something along the line that he dosen’t want to grow in C. tummy, that he wanted to grow in Mommy’s tummy. Which I am sure a birth mom would NOT want to hear, but I think it might be age where they are starting to realize what it all means about being in someone’s tummy. That they don’t want to be different. I know this probably isn’t helpfull but just thought I’d share.
For her age, it does sound like it went really well. And I think Salami up until the baby is born will work quite well. Except that now I want something to eat. :)
Judy; I know, right? I’ve been craving salami ever since the discussion. I think I’ll get some at the store today because BigBrother had a taste of mine at Matt’s graduation party and ripped the rest of the piece out of my hand and ran away. HA!
Awwww. Salami. Loving it. YOu know what? No matter how it all ended, I’m glad you all broached the subject for the first time w/ you and J and D present. That’s so wonderful! She’ll feel comfortable about things, it will hit her again and she’ll start asking more questions. She’s SO lucky to have 3 people to answer her! (Or more, if the little boys and Husband have more to say!)
Breathe a big sigh of relief – it’s over! Great.
it is funny but in Turkish we have ” Salami ” as a name. I do not know what it means but it is a fairly common name :P