Comments on: More Agency Lies http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/ Writing Our Ever-Evolving Story Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:41:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: carlzbad http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1944 carlzbad Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:55:24 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1944 AMEN! I love this article!!!! <em>carlzbad's last blog post..</em><a href='http://itcame2pass.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-post_17.html' rel="nofollow">Emotional Vomit</a> AMEN! I love this article!!!!

carlzbad’s last blog post..Emotional Vomit

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]]> By: I Never “Got Over” My Daughter. « Mommyhood and Life According to Coco http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1946 I Never “Got Over” My Daughter. « Mommyhood and Life According to Coco Thu, 19 Jul 2007 18:59:15 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1946 [...] Never “Got Over” My Daughter. Jenna posted an interesting commentary on how Bethany, like many large agencies, diminishes the [...] [...] Never “Got Over” My Daughter. Jenna posted an interesting commentary on how Bethany, like many large agencies, diminishes the [...]

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]]> By: Jen http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1947 Jen Sun, 15 Jul 2007 19:36:40 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1947 I didn't write this post, but I could have. I heard the exact same speech. When it was over, I went home and tossed and turned for a week. At the time, I wasn't blogging so I wasn't processing my thoughts in writing. When I tried to discuss my worries over these, what seemed to be BLATANT misdirectives, I was told I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and that it wasn't my job to "worry about the feelings of the birthmother." When I tried to ask about the counseling process pre- and post-placement, I was told it "wasn't for me to concern myself with." More and more, I feel sick to my stomach with the agency we used. I wonder if they're little "birthparents want closure" speech was what led them to "lose" Elizabeth's Christmas present, letters and pictures from Crettie and Arthur? Heh. I'll never know. Thank GOD we don't communicate through them anymore. I didn’t write this post, but I could have. I heard the exact same speech. When it was over, I went home and tossed and turned for a week. At the time, I wasn’t blogging so I wasn’t processing my thoughts in writing.

When I tried to discuss my worries over these, what seemed to be BLATANT misdirectives, I was told I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and that it wasn’t my job to “worry about the feelings of the birthmother.” When I tried to ask about the counseling process pre- and post-placement, I was told it “wasn’t for me to concern myself with.”

More and more, I feel sick to my stomach with the agency we used. I wonder if they’re little “birthparents want closure” speech was what led them to “lose” Elizabeth’s Christmas present, letters and pictures from Crettie and Arthur? Heh. I’ll never know. Thank GOD we don’t communicate through them anymore.

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]]> By: Jenna http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1953 Jenna Sun, 15 Jul 2007 02:29:58 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1953 Sue; some of my (adoptive) mom friends have been lucky enough to forge ahead and find their child's first mothers and form some sort of relationship. It's actually continuing to happen in larger numbers in international adoption, sometimes from the very beginning, which is encouraging. Obviously, it's still far more rare than what we see in our own country with regard to open relationships but it IS happening ... and I can't help but hope that it will continue to push others to look past their comfort zone. Sue; some of my (adoptive) mom friends have been lucky enough to forge ahead and find their child’s first mothers and form some sort of relationship. It’s actually continuing to happen in larger numbers in international adoption, sometimes from the very beginning, which is encouraging. Obviously, it’s still far more rare than what we see in our own country with regard to open relationships but it IS happening … and I can’t help but hope that it will continue to push others to look past their comfort zone.

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]]> By: Sue http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1950 Sue Sun, 15 Jul 2007 00:48:46 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1950 Can it be anymore obvious that it's all about the sale? During our brief exploration of open adoption the pitches were all about the ease and happiness involved for all, and quick reassurances that first moms <strike>never</strike> rarely regret their decisions. The thing I hate the most about international adoption is that it is so closed. Can it be anymore obvious that it’s all about the sale? During our brief exploration of open adoption the pitches were all about the ease and happiness involved for all, and quick reassurances that first moms never rarely regret their decisions. The thing I hate the most about international adoption is that it is so closed.

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]]> By: barb http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1949 barb Fri, 13 Jul 2007 20:44:52 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1949 awesome, powerful post. go girl! awesome, powerful post. go girl!

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]]> By: trace http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1948 trace Fri, 13 Jul 2007 16:45:24 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1948 What a good post! My husband I were pursuing domestic adoption, were involved in an adoption scam, and I tesified in a grand jury trial against this woman (the scammer...there will be news coverage, she has been arrested). Anyway, everything you stated in this post we learned from the police and their investigation into adoption when we went to testify. My husband and I were HORRIFIED to learn the unethical things adoption agencies do to get babies from their mothers, the business end, and the money involved! We began our adoption journey because we were unable to have biological children and wanted to start a family, but certainly not at the expense of someone else. We did hear similar things from the agency we used, were naive, and just didn't know. P.S. We did look at Bethany and they rejected me as a potential adoptive parent because I have MS, real Christian like, huh? What a good post! My husband I were pursuing domestic adoption, were involved in an adoption scam, and I tesified in a grand jury trial against this woman (the scammer…there will be news coverage, she has been arrested). Anyway, everything you stated in this post we learned from the police and their investigation into adoption when we went to testify. My husband and I were HORRIFIED to learn the unethical things adoption agencies do to get babies from their mothers, the business end, and the money involved! We began our adoption journey because we were unable to have biological children and wanted to start a family, but certainly not at the expense of someone else. We did hear similar things from the agency we used, were naive, and just didn’t know.

P.S. We did look at Bethany and they rejected me as a potential adoptive parent because I have MS, real Christian like, huh?

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]]> By: Cmommy http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1952 Cmommy Fri, 13 Jul 2007 04:51:22 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1952 I have a firstmom out there, somewhere. My records are sealed beyond sealed. I really need to send a letter to the agency, to place in my file--I'd love for her to know that I think of her, am so thankful for my life, and that four more children carry her genes. You are a prolific writer~~thanks for taking the time to blog!!!! I have a firstmom out there, somewhere. My records are sealed beyond sealed. I really need to send a letter to the agency, to place in my file–I’d love for her to know that I think of her, am so thankful for my life, and that four more children carry her genes.

You are a prolific writer~~thanks for taking the time to blog!!!!

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]]> By: Erin http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1951 Erin Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:37:12 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1951 I do want to add, that even in an organization like this there are good, even GREAT counselors educators etc... I don't want to be entirely negative about them. However, for us, the bad outweighs the good, especially on the corporate level. I do want to add, that even in an organization like this there are good, even GREAT counselors educators etc… I don’t want to be entirely negative about them.

However, for us, the bad outweighs the good, especially on the corporate level.

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]]> By: Erin http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-1955 Erin Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:00:07 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/07/12/more-agency-lies/#comment-1955 I wish they would take the Christian out of their name. We were told the same thing at info meetings, before and after birth several times. In fact it was almost encouraged to let things "calm down" between us and that being so close would involve more pain for all of us. Yeah well here we are, over a year later and STILL talk via email several times a week, on the phone about once a week or two, and planning another visit in a couple of months. And I can name you dozens of families who have older kids who are still in close contact with their kids families. I also know that this agency really REALLY likes semi open relationships because that way all updates have to go through the office. So the office can make photocopies of all letters, edit out any identifying information, REMOVE THINGS THEY FIND QUESTIONABLE i.e. an outgrown onesie, and take weeks to send the package off. They are looking for distance between their adoptive families and the birthfamilies because if the adoptive families found out about how mothers were treated before and after birth there could be consequences. They want to instill distance so that adoptive family doesn't see the truth and will come back for repeat business and give them recommendation for their friends. I wish they would take the Christian out of their name.

We were told the same thing at info meetings, before and after birth several times. In fact it was almost encouraged to let things “calm down” between us and that being so close would involve more pain for all of us. Yeah well here we are, over a year later and STILL talk via email several times a week, on the phone about once a week or two, and planning another visit in a couple of months. And I can name you dozens of families who have older kids who are still in close contact with their kids families.

I also know that this agency really REALLY likes semi open relationships because that way all updates have to go through the office. So the office can make photocopies of all letters, edit out any identifying information, REMOVE THINGS THEY FIND QUESTIONABLE i.e. an outgrown onesie, and take weeks to send the package off. They are looking for distance between their adoptive families and the birthfamilies because if the adoptive families found out about how mothers were treated before and after birth there could be consequences. They want to instill distance so that adoptive family doesn’t see the truth and will come back for repeat business and give them recommendation for their friends.

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