Comments on: The First Year http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/ Writing Our Ever-Evolving Story Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:41:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jenna (another) http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2136 Jenna (another) Fri, 31 Aug 2007 14:41:45 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2136 The first year the hardest? No.. not really. Granted the first month... well, let's just say of that my friends and family kept a close eye on me and my father switched to an electic razor rather than the old blade he had for years. I spent the first year mostly... numb. Desperate to just do what eveyone said "Just move on". After the first month I just shut down everything that reminded me of what happened and tried to forget. The second year? Walls built on sand crumble, and when they start to go its NOT a gradual process. This coming November will start the 5th year. Hard moments, hard snatches of time, the wind still gets knocked out of me... but I'm learning life isn't over. As guilty as I feel for that thought... I have had to learn to move with life or drown in the rising tide. The first year the hardest? No.. not really. Granted the first month… well, let’s just say of that my friends and family kept a close eye on me and my father switched to an electic razor rather than the old blade he had for years.

I spent the first year mostly… numb. Desperate to just do what eveyone said “Just move on”. After the first month I just shut down everything that reminded me of what happened and tried to forget.

The second year? Walls built on sand crumble, and when they start to go its NOT a gradual process.

This coming November will start the 5th year. Hard moments, hard snatches of time, the wind still gets knocked out of me… but I’m learning life isn’t over. As guilty as I feel for that thought… I have had to learn to move with life or drown in the rising tide.

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]]> By: Vicki http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2133 Vicki Thu, 23 Aug 2007 02:57:29 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2133 No year has been better or worse. I have suffered every day for nearly 37 years. Some events have made it harder, like the births of my placed children. No year has been better or worse. I have suffered every day for nearly 37 years. Some events have made it harder, like the births of my placed children.

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]]> By: Heather L. http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2134 Heather L. Thu, 16 Aug 2007 18:25:36 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2134 First year was the worst for me. But I agree that there is no right or wrong way or time to process this stuff. For me, the realization was immediate - there was no kool-aid period. I'd love to do a real study of how many of us grieve fully and immediately as opposed to first undergoing a little denial. First year was the worst for me. But I agree that there is no right or wrong way or time to process this stuff.

For me, the realization was immediate – there was no kool-aid period. I’d love to do a real study of how many of us grieve fully and immediately as opposed to first undergoing a little denial.

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]]> By: Recovering reading « Paragraphein http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2135 Recovering reading « Paragraphein Mon, 13 Aug 2007 01:15:21 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2135 [...] wrote about the first year after relinquishment recently, saying that she believes that first year for her was one of the easiest. I totally agree. In fact, [...] [...] wrote about the first year after relinquishment recently, saying that she believes that first year for her was one of the easiest. I totally agree. In fact, [...]

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]]> By: Coley http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2144 Coley Thu, 09 Aug 2007 21:26:54 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2144 Jenna, During the first year, I saw Charlie at LEAST every month if not more. I have since moved but at that point, we lived very close to one another and there were times I'd just run into them in the store or something like that and I think that those instances were even harder than scheduled visits. Jenna,
During the first year, I saw Charlie at LEAST every month if not more. I have since moved but at that point, we lived very close to one another and there were times I’d just run into them in the store or something like that and I think that those instances were even harder than scheduled visits.

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]]> By: Jan Baker http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2143 Jan Baker Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:40:53 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2143 Like Najah, the first few months were horrible, but then I packaged up my feelings and buried them and was mostly ok. The first year of reunion was when I REALLY came out of denial and after 32 years realized the impact - a very tough year. That first year of reunion was as bad or worse than the year after I relinquished my son. Reunion or other life events trigger the most difficult reactions from many mothers. I have heard of many women who thought they were fine until one day something happened and then....bam..they were not fine. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism for first/birth mothers and is extremely common. Like Najah, the first few months were horrible, but then I packaged up my feelings and buried them and was mostly ok. The first year of reunion was when I REALLY came out of denial and after 32 years realized the impact – a very tough year. That first year of reunion was as bad or worse than the year after I relinquished my son.

Reunion or other life events trigger the most difficult reactions from many mothers. I have heard of many women who thought they were fine until one day something happened and then….bam..they were not fine. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism for first/birth mothers and is extremely common.

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]]> By: Jenna http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2142 Jenna Thu, 09 Aug 2007 14:07:15 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2142 Hmm; Coley, that might be a decent point. I only saw Munchkin four times during the first year (as almost every other year) because of our distance. What an interesting insight she had there... hmm! :) Hmm; Coley, that might be a decent point. I only saw Munchkin four times during the first year (as almost every other year) because of our distance. What an interesting insight she had there… hmm! :)

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]]> By: Coley http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2141 Coley Thu, 09 Aug 2007 13:57:20 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2141 Maybe I am the one who is in left field playing baseball Jenna! I was talking with Charlie's amom about this last night and she thinks that one of the reasons that the first year was so hard for me is because I saw him so much that first year that I really didn't have time or space to deal with any emotions or process anything. Hmmmm, maybe she is right? Maybe I am the one who is in left field playing baseball Jenna!

I was talking with Charlie’s amom about this last night and she thinks that one of the reasons that the first year was so hard for me is because I saw him so much that first year that I really didn’t have time or space to deal with any emotions or process anything. Hmmmm, maybe she is right?

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]]> By: Anne http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2140 Anne Wed, 08 Aug 2007 21:02:08 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2140 For me, with my first girl I placed, I remember the first year being really hard and falling into a black hole of depression and then finding myself pregnant for a second time. Then with my second girl I placed, it doesn't seem like I really had a dark time like the black hole of depression during the first year with my first until my second girl turned 2. Some of my delayed reaction to experiencing that black hole of depression had to do with the nasty bdad situation with my second girl though. I don't know that the first year was necessarily easy for me especially with my first girl I placed, but I do know that I have felt that with both my girls as time keeps going on, it does seem to get a little harder with each birthday that goes by. I thought from what others said that it was suppose to get easier, but it hasn't always got easier for me with each birthday that has passed. I still cope and because of a lot of therapy I had at the beginning both times, I think I do better than I would have, but even with the therapy I had , it still seems somewhat harder with each birthday that passes at times. I know I'm still relatively new at this compared to others as A is about 4 1/2 and K is almost 3 - this Nov, but I still don't necessarily regret the choices...I regret that I was in the situations I was where I had to make the choices and that I got myself involved with the guys I did. Anyway, I do think and feel that it gets harder and not easier with each birthday that passes and it gets harder when the aparents don't keep up regularly with communication with me at times. For me, with my first girl I placed, I remember the first year being really hard and falling into a black hole of depression and then finding myself pregnant for a second time.

Then with my second girl I placed, it doesn’t seem like I really had a dark time like the black hole of depression during the first year with my first until my second girl turned 2. Some of my delayed reaction to experiencing that black hole of depression had to do with the nasty bdad situation with my second girl though.

I don’t know that the first year was necessarily easy for me especially with my first girl I placed, but I do know that I have felt that with both my girls as time keeps going on, it does seem to get a little harder with each birthday that goes by.

I thought from what others said that it was suppose to get easier, but it hasn’t always got easier for me with each birthday that has passed. I still cope and because of a lot of therapy I had at the beginning both times, I think I do better than I would have, but even with the therapy I had , it still seems somewhat harder with each birthday that passes at times.

I know I’m still relatively new at this compared to others as A is about 4 1/2 and K is almost 3 – this Nov, but I still don’t necessarily regret the choices…I regret that I was in the situations I was where I had to make the choices and that I got myself involved with the guys I did.

Anyway, I do think and feel that it gets harder and not easier with each birthday that passes and it gets harder when the aparents don’t keep up regularly with communication with me at times.

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]]> By: melissa http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/comment-page-1/#comment-2139 melissa Wed, 08 Aug 2007 18:19:38 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/08/08/the-first-year/#comment-2139 Right after I had my son he was gone, both he and I left the hospital about 4 hours after he was born. He and his parents came over to my moms house and we all had breakfast. It was like I never was pregnant, never gave birth. When I looked at him, he wasn't even a real person then. I was parenting my first son at the time and he was 2, I don't know how I could have thought the way I did. He was just this unreal creature. I was up running so I could't have just given birth could I? I was fine. I saw him every couple of months. He got bigger and started doing things but I tryed so hard not to notice, but he looked so much like Ben, my first. I wouldn't really play with him when I visited. I would hang out with his Mom and we would talk about how our live were going and how the kids were but it was still so unreal. I was sad but I still thought I did the best thing anyone could have done. I don't know when it changed, he became a child, my child, and now I don't know what to do. I can't visit. I still talk to his mom on the phone but the idea of driving the 20 minutes to there house leaves me shaking. He is almost 3 now. I am hoping it gets better. Right after I had my son he was gone, both he and I left the hospital about 4 hours after he was born. He and his parents came over to my moms house and we all had breakfast. It was like I never was pregnant, never gave birth. When I looked at him, he wasn’t even a real person then. I was parenting my first son at the time and he was 2, I don’t know how I could have thought the way I did. He was just this unreal creature. I was up running so I could’t have just given birth could I? I was fine. I saw him every couple of months. He got bigger and started doing things but I tryed so hard not to notice, but he looked so much like Ben, my first. I wouldn’t really play with him when I visited. I would hang out with his Mom and we would talk about how our live were going and how the kids were but it was still so unreal. I was sad but I still thought I did the best thing anyone could have done. I don’t know when it changed, he became a child, my child, and now I don’t know what to do. I can’t visit. I still talk to his mom on the phone but the idea of driving the 20 minutes to there house leaves me shaking. He is almost 3 now. I am hoping it gets better.

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