I’m working on Chapter Eight in Lifegivers for the birth/first parent blog. It will be two days of talk on the subject because the chapter is so long. And so heavy. And mostly overwhelming. Regret is often feared. Even though I’ve written about it before and how it’s not so big and so scary, people freak out when you talk about birth parent regret.

And so, in conjunction with the chapter review posts on Monday and Tuesday, I’ll be talking about how birth parents in today’s world (which includes closed and open adoption mothers and fathers) are dealing with that regret, how the adoptive families involved with such people are dealing with it and how it doesn’t have to be this huge, scary thing that sends everyone running for the hills.

A quote to get some minds going:

Regret is no stranger to birthparents. It is, of course, a reality for everyone, but it is an especially common and prominent companion for birthparents. It may be as modest as a sporadic twinge of forlorn longing or as oppressive as a lifetimes of relentless remorse.

-James L Gritter, Lifegivers

So, no, I don’t want to hear, “Oh, I have no regrets.” Look up the definitions. If you’ve ever wished that things could have gone differently or that your child could have been present on x-day or that their birthday wasn’t such an emotional drain, you’ve experienced some form of regret. We train people to think that regret is totally negative, something to be avoided at all costs. I come to argue that regret, while not always a pleasant feeling, can motivate us in better directions. Regret doesn’t have to rule our lives; sure, it’s present but it doesn’t have to take over every aspect, every corner, every nook and cranny.

It’s such a big topic. There’s so much to say. So much to learn. So much.