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Day Two: Seven Simple/True Things About Me

Day One can be found here.

Day Two: I’m an internet junkie.

Which totally brings to mind the commercials from the 80’s that stated, “No one says they want to be a junkie when they grow up.” I was young enough that I didn’t understand the correlation between “junkie” and drugs, so the commercial was somewhat confusing. Confusion aside, I like my internet.

For those who don’t know, the Husband and I met via the internet. Not a dating site, though I find nothing wrong with those, we met via an earlier version of blogging. (LiveJournal, for those in the know.) It was completely accidental; I commented on his best friend’s journal, the future-Husband replied and a friendship was immediately sparked. We didn’t start dating for over two and a half years after that initial meeting because of time, distance and circumstance. But eventually things fell into place. It might have took that long because the two of us are rather dense when it comes to flirting. No. Really. I know everyone things that birth mothers are smooth seductresses. But my Husband can vouch that I, most definitely, do not fall under that stereotype. Really.

So, yes, the internet has a soft-spot in my heart. I love blogging, the friends that it has brought into my life and the ways I have been changed by it. I mean, in so many ways, I wouldn’t be writing, right here on this particular blog, if it wasn’t for someone or something internet related. I’ve met some good people. (I married one.) I’ve made some good friends. I’ve learned a lot of important things. And I learn everyday!

And how does this play into adoption?

Without the internet, I wouldn’t know jack about adoption. When I was pregnant with the Munchkin, my access to the internet wasn’t reliable. (When it comes down to paying rent and for food and then choosing an internet connection, I’ll go with rent and food every time.) I was online sometimes, but it was mainly to check e-mails, do a little writing and read about labor and delivery. I’m not quite sure why I didn’t think to research adoption related issues (for anyone in the triad) during my times of intermittent connectivity, but part of me believes that I was over-trusting in the information that my agency was giving me. Not knowing the darker side of adoption, I didn’t know that they had ulterior motives. I figured they legitimately wanted to help me. Oh, the naiveity of it all!

It wasn’t until after placement, when I had moved and secured some internet access, that I began learning about adoption above and beyond what I was told by the unethical agency in question. A month post-placement, I learned, too late, that open adoptions were not legally binding in our state. This was a huge blow. This lie of omission really took me down a few notches in my healing process that I was just beginning. I was very frustrated. Since that time and since the explosion of public blogging on the topic of adoption by all members (and non-members) of the triad, I have learned so much. Without the voices of adoptees, I wouldn’t know anything about what my daughter might or might not experience or what might or might not be expected of me in the future. I’d just be flying blind as my agency didn’t discuss one iota of information about adoptees and how they process adoption, adoption related issues or anything about a relationship I might forge with her over the years. I’ve also learned a lot from adoptive mothers on how important that consistent contact is between adult sides of the triad. I’ve read the devastation of these mothers as they look for answers to questions about why their child’s birth parent(s) disappeared. I decided I didn’t want to be one of those… ever.

And, of course, the internet lets D and I communicate much more regularly than we would otherwise be able to do. For example, we used to talk on the phone quite frequently. But, uh, BigBrother? He’s loud. And he loves him some telephones. So phone calls in this house are usually relegated to sleeping times. (But, alas, he’s nap skipping again today. Grr. Which means more work will have to be done after he goes to bed tonight, leaving no phone time.) Thanks to the internet, I can jot off a quick e-mail. She can do the same. Photographs are shared with super ease. (Mmm, flickr.) And, since we read a lot of the same blogs, including each others’, we are able to discuss topics that we might not have thought about on our own but might very well come into play at some point in our relationship.

And so, yes, I like the internetz and it has impacted our adoption experience. So, there. Day two. Rock it.