I keep forgetting to write about this; maybe I just wanted to keep it to myself for a little while. It makes me happy. That rarely happens when it comes to conversations!! And so, the set up: I was in the hospital with elevated blood pressure and contractions (34 weeks). I had an older nurse. We learned that she had been on the Labor and Delivery unit for thirty years. While I understand that young nurses need experience, too, I like having an experienced nurse when I’m having complications. She was very attentive, very thorough and very gentle. And funny to boot.
As she was inserting my IV, which, by the way, she did so well that it didn’t hurt at all, she was asking me questions. Of course, we had already done my health history. She was fully aware that there were two previous live born children. And so she asks (and the rest of the conversation follows):
Nurse: How old are your other children?
Munchkin’sFirstMom: *stumbles for a second* BigBrother will be two next month. Munchkin will turn four in December.
Nurse: Oh, so she’ll be your big helper!
Munchkin’sFirstMom: Well, she was placed for adoption at birth.
Nurse: *doesn’t miss a beat* That had to be very hard. One of the hardest things I can imagine, really. *continues to stab my arm gently and continues* Do you have contact at all?
Munchkin’sFirstMom: Actually, yes. We have visits and so on.
And then we launched into a discussion about the extent of our contact, where J and D live and driving across the state of Pennsylvania. She never flinched. Granted, being on L&D for thirty years, I would assume that she’s seen a few things in her time. To even know to ask about contact shows that she at least has an iota of understanding about recent adoptions. Do not balk at the topic shows that she has some respect or at least common decency not to let personal opinion interfere with work. But she didn’t treat me differently from that point on. I was still her patient. She was just as fun-loving as before.
Previous nurses have dropped the subject of my daughter as soon as the word adoption was mentioned. Others stumbled over themselves trying to back-pedal the conversation. Others suddenly had a lack of interest in my care. Not this lady.
I wonder what the chances are of getting her when I go into official labor. Slim, I assume.
9 Responses to “A Conversation That Didn’t Suck”
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I’m glad to hear you had a good experience. Her attitude is probably one of the reasons she’s been a floor nurse for 30 some years! Good for her (and even better for you).
Still praying for your health!
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please consider writing her a note and thanking her. also write her charge nurse and tell her the same. reinforcing good behavior is one way we can make change and get others to think like her. focus on the supervisory nurse particularly – clearly the one who treated you has some skill. hopefully by complimenting her to her boss, you will help her and also educate the boss to consider enforcing that type of behavior with other nurses.
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Your chances of getting her may be slim, but try requesting her when you go into labor. Ask-see if she’s working and go for it. You deserve to be treated with total respect, and you know she’ll do that.
When PooWee was born it was very apparent which RNs didn’t understand my position. Making the the hospital stay even more uncomfortable for me.
Stick a note in your hospital bag, reminding you to check if she’s working when you get to the hospital. If she is, I’m sure you’ll be an extra happy momma!
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I agree with suz. A letter to the nurse would be awesome. When we adopted our oldest ds, there was only one kind nurse and she was kind to both his first mother and to us. The rest were rude to us as well as to L. I did write a letter thanking her, but I never thought of writing one to her supervisor!
I’m glad you met someone who is non-judgmental and treated you with the respect and dignity you deserve!
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Yay! I love hearing nice stories. My GYN is the same way, it’s one reason I truly adore her. Sadly, she’s no longer in Obstetrics, so I’ll have to break in someone new if we go for A New Baby.
And yes, definitely ask if this nurse is working when you go in to have LittleBrother. Anything to make your life easier, Mama!
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Isn’t it nice to have someone who is compassionate, caring, gives good medical care, and doesn’t let their personal beliefs bleed over into their work life? Sounds like the perfect nurse to me!
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It made me glad to read this, Jenna. Ask for her – and tell the hospital why. It could trigger a little thinking on their part, maybe even a little awareness training.
Margie’s last blog post..Don’t Misses 10-30-07
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I had a nurse like that when I delivered Anya. John was at home with Noah and we talked for 1/2 hour while my newborn slept. It was wonderful. I know how you feel :)
Bear’s Mommy’s last blog post..i’ve been hanging out on adoption boards
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That’s awesome.
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