I haven’t done lyrics in two days. I’ll go back to it tomorrow. Right now, I need to get some stuff off of my chest.

I’ve got some jealousy issues that I really wasn’t aware of until some recent discussions and developments. Or, rather, maybe I knew it was there but I felt like a big jerk for feeling that way. Or something. But, I need to say it so that, a) I remember to bring it up with my therapist and, b) I can just get it “out there,” instead of dwelling on it “inside.”

And so…

I’m jealous of mothers who experienced unplanned pregnancies, especially at ages younger than I was, and got to keep -slash- made the decision to parent. I feel immature and catty for saying so. But it’s true. That said, I would never wish ill on a mother. I want them to stay with their babies! I want them to be the best that they can be! I just recently shoved my stupid, immature jealousy aside and offered some advice regarding labor and delivery to a very young mother. But it’s there. Lurking. Festering.

Why not me?

I’m not quite sure how to process this particular feeling. Or where to put it right now. Or why it exists specifically. But, it does. And since I’m all about straight-up-honesty on this blog, I thought I’d out myself.

Here’s hoping my therapist has some insight on this issue. Because I’m flabbergasted.

All right. I’m usually pretty “blah” when it comes to adoption movies. But, a) I love Keri Russell (Felicity), b) I love Robin Williams, c) I’m a music nerd, d) the story involves a baby who was unknowingly given away and so, therefore, I’m not super sure that a decision to place would just simply be dismissed and diminished. All that said, August Rush comes out on November 21st. If I haven’t given birth yet (!@#$!), I think I might treat myself to a large popcorn, a soda and a box of tissues. And then sob this boy child out of my womb. (Okay, because? Seriously? I just went to the site and watched the trailer (under videos) and I’m snotting all over myself. Who is coming to watch this movie with me? And then driving me to the hospital?)