I keep expecting to wake up at 4:30am to a silent house and have my water break. It doesn’t seem to be happening.

I know that this pregnancy is different, is unique. But when a contraction wakes me up, I always look at the clock and think, “Is it 4:30? Is this happening again?”And then I have a minor panic attack until a few minutes pass and I realize that, no, it’s not happening.

It’s kind of draining to relive moments of my pregnancy with the Munchkin every single night/morning at 4:30. I don’t think people should be forced to think much or feel more at that hour. And so, physically, I’m being beaten from the inside. And emotionally, I’m being slammed over and over. I shut my eyes. And I try to get to my happy place. But between the contractions and the memories… I’m usually up for another full hour. An hour of physical and emotional pain.

I keep expecting things to happen. And they don’t.