If you read the family blog, you know that I’m breastfeeding the new baby. The breastfeeding relationship between myself and Big Brother failed almost immediately because I had unresolved issues regarding Munchkin’s placement and breastfeeding. I had been told by the agency not to breastfeed because it would make it “too hard.”

I didn’t know that I would feel an overwhelming sense of guilt because I denied her what was best (breast milk). I didn’t know that guilt would flow over and into the relationships I would have with future children. I didn’t even know that there would be guilt or any issue! I still have some anger and resentment towards myself here, that I put myself first in this particular situation and not the Munchkin’s best interest. If I had been solely concentrating on what was best for her, as everything else I was doing in the adoption plan was supposed to be geared towards, I would have realized that “hard” or not, breast milk was best. I let that unethical agency cheat me out of giving my daughter what was best. In direct connection, they also cheated my first parented child out of what was best for him by treating it like a non-issue. Had I known it would be an issue, I could have found counseling before hand, not later.

It was actually this particular issue that was a huge catalyst in my seeking out and finding my current therapist. It is only through work with her that I was able to get past some of that guilt and anger. Some! I have more to say on the subject…

but it’s time to feed this guy.