Munchkin,
Today you turn four.
I wish I had something profound to say. Something deep. Or meaningful. But the truth?
This is not an easy day for me. I’m awash in memories. All I did was blink and you went from a beautiful baby in my arms to this tall, lanky, amazing little girl with opinions and personality and talent and love for just about everything and everyone. And I’m feeling very angry with myself.
Who gives their baby away? Who honestly does that?
People keep telling me that this gets easier. That hasn’t been my experience. I just get more and more shocked with myself that I let you go. Why didn’t I understand the mother-child bond? Why didn’t I recognize the lies that the agency was feeding? Why why why?
And so, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be all melancholy and self-focused on your special day. I’m sure the postpartum hormones and the presence of a little baby who weighs just over what you did on this day four years ago (since he’s finally growing!) are catching me off guard.
I wish the world for you, Miss Munchkin. I’m just sorry I wasn’t the one to give it to you.
Happy Birthday.
Love, Me.
17 Responses to “Four”
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Happy Birthday Munchkin! And Mommy, I haven’t been through what you have and have no idea what you feel, but I can tell you that I am praying for you.
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sending you love, Jenna. and thinking of you.
barb’s last blog post..Conversations at the Cocoon
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Twitter: thiswomanswork
says:
So many hugs to you and to all three of your beautiful children, especially your lovely daughter. But most of all to her lovely mother. Love to you, Jenna.
dawn’s last blog post..Why I want to write for me
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Oh Jenna,
((((HUGS)))) just lots and lots of ((((HUGS)))).
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Who gives their baby away? Who honestly does that?
Me, you, Claud, Nic and a million other mothers who are amazing women with amazing daughters.
Happy birthday to you and Munchkin and much love and hugs to you on this difficult day.
I am still waiting for it to get easier and my daughter is going to be 22 in May.
AML.
Suz
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Happy Birthday Munchkin!
And (((((Jenna)))))… blessings to you and all your children this day.
Tammy’s last blog post..In which she puts me in my place.
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Happy birthday munchkin, and much, much, much love to you, Jenna.
Susan’s last blog post..The Lost Glove is Happy. Poetry Friday is early this week.
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Oh, {{{Jenna}}}.
Happy birth day to your Munchkin.
Judy’s last blog post..?abnormal mammogram?
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Happy Birthday, Munchkin! Wishing you peace, Jenna.
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Happy birthday to Munchkin.
For what it’s worth, she is being shaped by you though she isn’t being raised by you.
And I’ve been thinking of you knowing this birthday was coming up.
Big hugs and love from me too
Erin’s last blog post..Widget?s Christmas Wish List
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Jenna~ You are in my prayers today! Happy Birthday to Munchkin :) ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))
May God bless all of you today and always!
Michelle’s last blog post..Could it really be a positive post????
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Happy birthday Arianna, and yes, BIG hugs to you, Jenna.
Cynthia
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Happy birthday, little Munchkin!
And yet more love sent your way, Jenna.
HeatherS’s last blog post..Ramble With Me
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(((((hugs)))))
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((((Jenna))))
All I can say is that 15 years later, it isn’t easy. But being around her as she’s grown up, growing up…it’s worth it. Yes, it is.
And I have to believe it’s worth it for her, for Munchkin…that we mean something to them, that our being around is better than the alternatives in adoption.
I know that doesn’t make you feel one bit better right now, though. And for that, I am eternally sorry, and I wish none of us had to be in this Sisterhood of Tears.
Coco’s last blog post..Day 13 of Making a Difference: Support Our Troops!
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Thinking of you.
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(((Jenna)))
Happy birthday, Miss Munchkin.
Paragraphein’s last blog post..Entitlement
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