Did you know that I’m “extremely chaotic?” As are most of my birth mother sisters? I wasn’t aware of this fact prior to reading the comments on this amazing post, originally brought to my attention by Nicole. It’s unfortunate that such a great post has to be tainted by such ignorant stereotypical sludge but, alas, it’s the internet and people aren’t afraid to spew their hatred when they can jump behind the veil of anonymity.
What, exactly, does that even mean? Chaotic? It’s straight up boring over here most of the time. I mean, minus the chaos that ensues when a two year old doesn’t get his way. Or I get all kinds of crazy in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies. Or I get in a battle with the Husband while watching Jeopardy. Or playing chess. Or we have a marathon napping session. Because the commenter who stated that the mother who places was obviously “extremely chaotic” and then basically states that, ya know, even if there was some chaos in the mother’s life at the time of the unplanned pregnancy, well, that mother is DOOMED! for a life of dysfunction and OMGCHAOS! Because a) adoptive families never experience chaos and b) no one can ever overcome a pitfall in their life. It’s all one or the other. Never a middle ground.
I also like how it is stated that women who are now birth mothers had ease of access to resources like WIC, etc. Obviously that individual never had to apply for such things. I was rejected the first time I applied for Medicaid because of an error on their side. And then dropped. Not once. But twice. The second time I was dropped because I couldn’t make the trip to the office for a check in because I was on bed rest due to my complicated pregnancy (which I’m sure the one commenter would label as “chaos” as if I wanted to have a kidney that didn’t function properly). I asked them to come to me and they said no. I paid for my medical bills for that delivery out of my own pocket because of the second drop.
I’m just tired of stupid, all-inclusive comments from people who are not birth parents that seem to think they understand the be-all-and-end-all of what today’s birth parents are like. I’m tired of being labeled dysfunctional. Or chaotic. Or whatever. I’m tired of all of it.
Tired. And bored. Come up with some new stereotypes, please. These are all played out.
4 Responses to “Excuse Me While I Get “Extremely Chaotic” Up In This Piece”
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My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
As an adoptive mom of two, I have heard my daughter’s birth families described as chaotic by social workers so many times that it makes me nuts. It has seemed to me that the social workers I have worked with use this as an excuse for their own inability to support both first families and adoptive families in doing what is best for the child. Well, my life with a toddler and an infant is chaotic. The other day we had our second post placement visit from the social worker, not only did I mistakenly go to her office when she was coming to my house making me 45 minutes late for the visit, but all entrances to the house were snowed in except the garage, there were four loads of unfolded laundry on the couch, breakfast dishes still on the table, Halloween decorations still up and dust bunnies overran the place. I wonder if the social worker will note the level of chaos in her documentation for the court…not likely. Ps. Congrats on your sweet little one and for keeping up your great posts as a new mom of three.
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[...] (who knew?), but I find I don’t really want to say it. I find it’s easier to let other people take up the hard questions, while I bask just a little bit longer. And isn’t that hilarious? [...]
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God. How bad is it, when something this obvious and innocuous has to be virulently “defended” in this way?
Ack. EEK. And Gah.
More to follow.
Coco’s last blog post..Day 13 of Making a Difference: Support Our Troops!
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So, I’m playing a bit of catch up in reading your site after attending your session at the conference in PA thus the almost-month-later comment. Can I say, though, how great it is to see someone else has a topic/tag just for all those idiotic things people do and say? Unfortunately, so appropriate.
Chaotic…And all the other uninformed garbage not really spewed…I just don’t get it. What is with people and their incessant need to overgeneralize about any group of people (hell, you can’t even accurately generalize about one person for goodness sake)! (I just posted on a similar generalization on my blog — which I started as a result of your encouragement at the conference).
And don’t get me started on her perspective on “choice.” Clearly someone who hasn’t actually though about or reflected on anything she said — what a convenient way to live a life!
sluggomarie’s last blog post..Adoption and ?loss?
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