This has happened twice in the past week. Twice. And today it made me cry. At 7:30 in the morning. No one should cry that early. Even LittleBrother didn’t really cry this morning. He made some noises, got to eat at the tap and went right back to sleep. It should be a cry-free day. But no. So, I’ve got to say this:
I AM NOT AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER.
I have had two readers in one week leave comments that have chastised me for saying something “off-color” for an adoptive parent. Of course, that makes sense since I’m not an adoptive parent and if you’re reading this blog thinking that, my comments are going to seem really off the wall.
I AM A BIRTH MOTHER. A FIRST MOTHER. A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. WHATEVER!
When I say that I am not my daughter’s parent, I mean it literally. I do not parent her. I am her first mother but I am not her everyday mother. When I say that I am not her parent or that she is not mine and TheHusbandMan’s daughter (uh, TheHusbandMan is not even her biological father!), I am not dissing adoptive parents. Not in any way, shape or form. My daughter has everyday parents. And they’re freaking awesome. She’s a lucky little lady who has two everyday parents, grandparents around the bend, a first mother who works really hard to be there for her, a biological father who tries to figure out how to handle this, two half-siblings who think she’s pretty awesome and a “Bonus Dad” (aka TheHusbandMan). I would never, in a million years, say that adoptive parents are not parents. I’m not a moron.
I don’t know how anyone could read anything written here and not realize that I’m a birth mother. But here’s a tip. When you’re new to a blog and you think the author has just written something kind of strange, dig a little deeper before you insult them via comment or e-mail. On every single page of this blog is a link to the about the author page. Read it. It’s good for you. Do so on other blogs, too. It’s nice to learn about people. Learning is good.
Now that I’ve been insulted this morning for “dissing” adoptive parents, I’m going to get ready for a really busy week. TheHusbandMan is working a bunch of overtime this week at the fire department because of some illnesses and once at the ambulance company (where he still works on an “as needed” basis) for one of our groomsmen (and his secondary boss there) because C and his wife are finalizing their adoption on Wednesday. Yeah. That’s right. A family with a birth mother in it still supports adoption. Gasp. (That said, J is the most awesome little dude ever. He had a very rough start in life and is very, very blessed to have been placed in C’s family. And? Still has ties to the bio family. Thumbs up all around.)
And just in case you missed it, a quick recap: I’m not an adoptive parent. I’m a birth mother. I don’t hate adoptive parents. I’m just not one. I speak from my point of view, not yours. Any questions? Hit the comments. KACHOW! (What? Cars is on. At 7:50am…)
9 Responses to “A Public Service Announcement”
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Wow. I can’t believe anyone would fire off an insane comment like that without even checking out who you are. Sorry you have to deal with idiots.
Amanda’s last blog post..What to do?
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Oh, for the love of!!!
No, as far as I know, Jenna doesn’t hate adoptive parents.
I guess I’d know that because I am one and ummm, we’re friends.
Sheesh, some people!!
Judy’s last blog post..My (Very Large Round) Cold Bald Head
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Jenna-
I for one appriciate your first-mom perspective. I am an adoptee and an adoptive and foster mother. I am bi-racial and my birthmother also felt miss led by an agency and went onto parent two children. The similarities/ reversed roles in our stories drew me in. Munchkin is lucky to have you involved in her life. Your letter to her on her birthday makes me cry, I wonder if that’s what my first mother feels.
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Rachel; Thank you so much for stepping out and sharing. I’ve learned so much, myself, from adoptees and adoptive parents. I’d love to pick your brain sometime if you have time! Thanks again!
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Oh yeah, I hate Judy. She’s evil. ;)
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My gosh…and I came to visit today because I specifically wanted an objective birth mother’s perspective on something…and found THIS post. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
I appreciate your candor every single day and I come to your site because I want to know your perspective on things. You are honest about your feelings, your relationships, and where you stand, ethically.
pickel’s last blog post..Buddies
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I don’t want this posted but I can’t find your email address…
The question I have for you today (and you can take your time) is how you feel about this situation?
http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2008/02/in-cases-of-ado.html
I thought it was interesting…that the woman found her birth parents with the new open laws but there are some people in her birth family that don’t want to “invite” her in.
How do birth parents feel?
pickel’s last blog post..Buddies
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How clueless can some people be? I’m sorry you had to deal with people like this (they clearly have a whole lot to learn about a whole lot of things!)
And WTH does off-color for an adoptive parent mean? Is someone’s ability to have an opinion dictated by their particular parenting status? If so, then I’m in serious trouble.
I may not always agree with what you say, but I absolutely respect your right to say it and continue to come back to read it. It’s too easy to live in a happy little oblivion where everyone loves everything about adoption and no one has to acknowledge the serious questions and inequities it can raise. It’s too bad for those commenters that they so totally missed the boat that they aren’t really able to take advantage of the opportunity your blogs presents.
sluggomarie’s last blog post..I Am A Full-on Theory Whore!
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Hi Jenna,
I’ve been reading both of your blogs for a while now. I am an adoptive parent. We just spent the weekend with my son’s birthmother and his siblings. He is 4 1/2 and we have not visited for almost 3 years. They live several hours away. We keep in contact with calls, emails and lots of pictures. It was amazing to watch the children, ages 4, 7, 10 and 11 playing. The 10 year old summed it up, “We are all so blessed!”.
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