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The Moment You Realize Therapy Has Done You Good

I can’t get real specific because, well, I don’t even want to. But, I had to share some of it.

As my loyal readers know, I’ve been in therapy for awhile now to deal with a lot of the anger, guilt, grief, loss and so on that are associated with my placing the Munchkin for adoption. Nothing is “resolved,” of course and I don’t expect to one day wake up and no longer feel the after-effects of relinquishment. What we work on is coping with these issues in an appropriate and healthy manner. It’s been a long, arduous process, of course. As of last year, I still managed to flub up some issues in our relationship as I didn’t appropriately handle my own anxiety or communicate it in the proper manner. After that not-so-awesome experience, my therapist really worked with me on avoiding a similar issue.

I’m gonna buy her a cookie. After I buy myself something nice.

Again, I’m not going to be specific. But, suffice it to say, I received some not-super-awesome news. Instead of flipping out and saying things I would regret, I calmly replied. I put myself in the shoes that were being worn for a moment. I considered what I would do in a similar situation. I considered my own family. I considered what I would want for my children. And I responded in an authentically supportive manner. No anger. Honesty. Open communication.

I feel pretty darn proud of myself. I mean, the situation itself isn’t resolved. I’m praying for it a lot. I’m worried about various aspects. But I trust the people involved in it. And, surprisingly, I now trust myself to deal with it on my end. I didn’t fly off the handle. I didn’t say something I regret. I didn’t make someone feel bad for being human and doing the right thing with a difficult situation. I’m kind of sad, yes, but so are the people involved. So that’s not even unique to me.

I put in a lot of work in therapy this past year. I was wondering if it had helped. I was wondering if I would still become impulsive and say stupid things when presented with hard situations. And the work paid off. Honestly? I have tears in my eyes. Unless you’ve been through similar therapy to work through how you respond to situations that are completely out of control, I don’t know if I can actually explain to you how … great? … it feels to see the result of your hard work.

I’ve always talked about open and honest communication. I’ve always talked about respect. I’ve always talked about considering the other side of the coin before lashing out. But I’ve had my own missteps in that process. It’s hard. I mean, not just in open adoption but any relationship. I’ve even noticed myself calming when my Husband gets called out to a fire on Christmas Eve (yes). Some of this “crap” that I deal with is SIMPLY OUT OF MY CONTROL. And learning to accept it has been difficult. Learning to be gracious about what I cannot change is even harder.

But I’ve made progress. And dang if I don’t think that I deserve to treat myself to something new and nice.

I feel proud. Strong. And hopeful. I had hoped I could make it to this point by the time the next “issue” arose. (Because issues will arise, folks. Can’t avoid them.) And I’m hopeful that I’ll just continue to make progress by the time the next issue arises. Progress. It’s good food.

(Thank you for putting up with a vague post!)