I got an e-mail from one of the companies through which I’ve purchased stuff for the boys. The title?
Mother’s Day is Coming!
I wanted to pick up my computer and throw it out the window. Or, really, the back door as that is the closest thing to toss something out from where I sit at this moment. (If I was in my office, it would be the window but it’s being worked on right now to transform the other half into a playroom! WEE!) Location issues aside, I really didn’t need to be reminded that it’s right around the corner.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am so unbelievably thankful for all of my children; the Munchkin and both boys. I am thankful for Munchkin’s Mom and the amazing work she does day in and day out, not only with her but to include me in bits and pieces. My Mom and Mother-in-law are equally awesome as well and I do plan on honoring them.
But man. I don’t want to deal with it this year. I just don’t. I’m sure it’s all of this hormonal mix. But really? Ugh. I dread it this year. Even though I know my Husband is planning something nice for me. I’ll just paint on a smile, like every other day, and remind myself that I don’t have a right to be sad. I’ve got too much positive going on. Grin and bare it.
2 Responses to “Don’t Rush Me”
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I respectfully beg to differ–you DO have a right to be sad. And having lots of positives doesn’t mean that there isn’t a sadness in the middle that needs to be acknowledged even as you celebrate the positives.
I’ll be thinking of you.
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Too weird, I recently talked to my psychologist about something similar. I had a specific date that I was dreading, but felt I should be celebrating instead (which was just a few weeks ago). As I explained to her why I was sad about it … she told me that I had every right to be. Each year, specific dates will trigger a different emotion in us and there is usually sadness mixed in with happiness. While we are moving forward in recovery and healing, it’s not bad to step back for a moment and feel the sadness in how things are or the way we would have liked them in an ideal world.
I feel that just because there are current positives in our lives, it doesn’t mean we can’t feel or grieve the pain that is mixed in. Both make us who we are and deserve to be acknowledged. You have every right to. I hope you can take the time for yourself with this. And remember that you deserve the right to feel how you really feel. Take care of yourself …
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