Same and Different

The Munchkin used to say buncuter for computer. BigBrother says com-payter.

I like knowing these things about my children.

On the forums once, an adoptive Mother was upset that her child’s birth mother kept making comparisons between the placed child and her parented child. I don’t know how you wouldn’t. As a mother who is actively parenting two children, I see the differences and samenesses every single day. While I don’t hold one to the other’s standard, because I do believe that can be harmful, I love having a brain and heart full of memories to say, “Oh yeah! Remember when BigBrother did this? Or that?”

An example. BigBrother was short and wide as a baby. LittleBrother is long and lean. They weighed in at exactly the same weight at their four month appointments but LittleBrother is two inches longer than BigBrother was at the same time. I think that’s a unique difference to explore. I can see the differences in their pictures. BigBrother had cheeks OUT TO THERE. And LittleBrother can’t wear any of BigBrother’s footed sleepers because of his excessive length. It makes me laugh.

I won’t expect LittleBrother to do everything at the same time. He’ll have his own timeline. And I will respect and appreciate his growth and development. And I’m not sure why it has to be any different with my oldest yet placed child.

She does some awesome things. So does BigBrother. And so will LittleBrother. Why can’t I rejoice in any of their sameness? Why can’t I smile when BigBrother lines all of his toys up in a line and think, “Oh, she used to do that, too!” Why can’t I laugh at their funny words and think, “Munchkin used to say it this way?” Why can’t I ask how she handled some developmental milestones just so I can have an inkling of what to expect? Not that BigBrother or LittleBrother have to follow in her shoes but, here’s the truth folks, parents are all flying by the seat of their pants. ANYTHING that lets me know what may or may not happen is a great, great help. You know, I know it.

I rejoice in the samenesses and differences in all of my children. I won’t stop thinking of my daughter when it comes to these things. I am so very proud of all of her accomplishments. (Recently, she fell in love with a trumpet!) And I am so very proud of my boys. As long as I’m not telling one or the other to act in x-manner because y-kid did z-thing, I don’t think I’m harming any of them. I think by rejoicing in those accomplishments (and commiserating in their struggles), I’m doing all of my children a great service.

Because who doesn’t want to know that someone is proud of them? And what parent doesn’t want to know that they’re not alone in the struggles?

All of my children are awesome. I am such a blessed mama.