My Pastor Acknowledged That Mother’s Day is Hard
I have to share this, but quickly as my Husband starts a 36 hour shift today and we have a bagillion things to get done before he leaves me alone with these two spirited children. (Yes, even the five month old seems to have inherited a bit of my, uhm, stubborn personality.) And so…
Last night I made it to Bible Study. I haven’t been in a few weeks due to scheduling problems and the aforementioned spirited children. The study itself was nice and I happened to learn a few new things. That’s always a great feeling. As we got to the prayer requests at the end, I mentioned a few things. Friends of ours are at Children’s Hospital with their youngest daughter this morning for a brain wave scan as she has had some unexplained seizures and is not hitting milestones.
And then I just went ahead and said it. I asked for prayer for all of the mothers in our church (and everywhere) that find Mother’s Day to be excruciatingly hard. I mentioned that more than one mother, myself included, found the day to be difficult at best. The group as a whole doesn’t know of the relinquishment (though the Pastor does and some random folks in attendance last night did as well) but they do know of my miscarriage. Furthermore, there has been a lot of loss in our congregation including a friend of mine who lost her daughter to suicide.
Pastor D looks at me and says, paraphrased, “You know, there are two Sundays, Mother’s Day being one of them, that are just the absolute hardest for me to “do” as a Pastor. I’ll be explaining why on Sunday, but you’re right, Munchkin’sFirstMom. Thank you.”
I dread every Mother’s Day in church. Last year one of my favorite elderly ladies gave a big long speech about how great her adoptive mother was and how we should all love adoptive mothers. And she’s right. They’re awesome. (You know, for the most part!) But I somehow found the nerve to stand up and acknowledge birth mothers as well. (Then we were told in the immediate aftermath that our then-Pastor was being moved to a new church. It was also my Husband’s birthday. What a crappy day.) I’d really like to avoid such a thing this year.
The truth is that our Pastor has lived a real life and has experienced real things, including loss. He has acknowledged the grief and loss that I experience as a birth mother and continues to be an encouragement in my healing. I feel blessed that he was moved to our church at this stage in my healing process.
Here’s hoping Sunday isn’t a big Ick Fest!
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Comments
Your pastor sounds awesome. Best of luck to you on Sunday. *hugs*
Judy’s last blog post..“You’re amazing,”
Posted by: Judy | May 8th, 2008 09:55
I’ll be thinking of you on Sunday especially and the rest of this week. I am an adoptive mother of a child through international adoption, and your blog has given me a new and fresh perspective on birth mothers. Although I know it is hard to show your vulnerability on this blog, please know that it is a blessing to all those who read it, both the birth mothers who experience similar feelings and need to know there are others out there experiencing the same thing and the rest of us who can always use a reminder of the blessings of birth mothers and how we can best be praying for them as well. :)
Valerie’s last blog post..A few random musings.
Posted by: Valerie | May 8th, 2008 10:39
Jenna,
I just want to say that I empathize with you. I am an adoptive mom, so I know nothing of your personal struggles. I read here to know more and to try to learn for the time when my son has questions. However, I want you to know that I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and more so for the woman who gave birth to my son. I pray for her every night. I love her for what she did. I have no contact with her (international adoption) and I know very little about her. None the less I am eternally grateful and have nothing but respect and love for her. I am working on my own blog post about this. Hopefully, I will get something going before the week is out. I hope this all came out right. I truly want you to know that mothers like yourself are on my radar, even if they are not on everyones. God Bless you and your family (all of them).
Mary’s last blog post..Referrals
Posted by: Mary | May 8th, 2008 14:13
I hope Sunday isn’t too hard for you, Jenna, and hope, too, that you find support among family and friends.
It is wonderful to find a pastor like yours. Could you ask him to bottle his compassion and share it around?
Margie’s last blog post..Spirit
Posted by: Margie | May 8th, 2008 15:12
Yey (((Jenna))) That is a great accomplishment. It took me about 5 years to talk to a minister… and I have stopped going to church altogether on Mother’s Day. Or every day, for that matter…. It is good that you are strong enough to do this. I’m glad for you.
HeatherRainbow’s last blog post..How did you get here?
Posted by: HeatherRainbow | May 8th, 2008 21:13
I hate Mother’s Day at church too. I confronted our pastor about it a few years ago. You know what? It worked! He changed all his wording by Father’s Day the next month and the next year re-phased altogether.
Hugs to you and all of us that have a hard time on Mother’s Day.
CC’s last blog post..Therapy Thursday: Things to hear and understand by 12 months
Posted by: CC | May 8th, 2008 22:14