"The peace we seek to win is not victory over any other people, but the peace that comes with healing in its wings; with compassion for those who have suffered; with understanding for those who have opposed us; with the opportunity for all the peoples." -Richard NixonWay back in January, I posted the following on the birthmothers community on LiveJournal:
If you are a birth parent (mother or father) in an open or closed adoption who relinquished voluntarily or had your rights terminated, PLEASE TAKE THIS SURVEY. They are looking for 600 participants by December 1, 2008. Let’s blow that number out of the water.
(You can read a little more about it (if you want) prior to taking the survey on the birth/first parent blog.)
Today, May 19, 2008, five months and three days later, I get this comment from the community’s maintainer.
This poll is being removed for using biased language.
Said post was then deleted.
The info for said community reads:
This community is for birthmothers and birthmothers only - a safe haven to share personal experiences, support, and discussion related to placing children for adoption.
Feel free to open up with your experiences, feelings, desires - anything related to being a birthmom - whether good or bad.
We love and support each other here, so please join!
But what it should read is:
This community is only for birthmothers who have the same experience as the maintainter. Any dissenting opinion, experience or difference in general is not welcome.
Feel free to open up with your experiences, feelings and desires - as long as they are happy ones!
We only like you if you are happy!
I am tired of the blatant hatred passed back and forth between birth mothers. I have had it up to here with being chastised in group settings because I don’t think adoption is great. I am completely baffled as to why, if someone thought the wording was “biased,” they couldn’t just say so in the comments section at the very end of the survey. Some of the questioning WAS biased and I said so in the comments at the end. (For example, some of the questions were completely exclusionary or didn’t take consideration of various experiences.) But there ARE mothers in that community from the closed era. So why was it removed?
And why so late? I mean, even Adoption.com let the post stay up.
I’m just tired of the fight anymore. I’m tired of being treated like crap because I believe in reform. I’m tired of being the bad guy because I’m willing to speak up. I’m tired of not being accepted in a group that I am a member of simply because I’m not spouting rainbows and sunshine.
And yet, I keep on keepin’ on. Because someone has to, especially with people like that in our own ranks. Ugh.
Ugh, indeed! Stinks that diversity of opinion and experience isn’t appreciated.
By HeatherK on 05.19.08 6:19 pm | Permalink
Hi Jenna…I don’t know if you remember me..I think my MSN name was YummyAbbi26 or 27. I found the link to this blog on Clauds musings of the lame blog. Just wanted to say hi :)
By Melissa on 05.19.08 8:42 pm | Permalink
Wha-????
I don’t know anything about this but seems rather power trippy to me. Sheesh.
dawn’s last blog post..Being a bystander
By dawn on 05.19.08 8:55 pm | Permalink
I’m curious to know though what she saw flawed about the study or what the biased language is though. Is it something pin pointable down in what her education has taught her in the advance studies of statistics, or is it that the bias that she sees against her ideas of birthparenthood, politics and how she sees our choices should be lived versus the way others interpret the same experience but with different ideals of the same concepts.
magicpointeshoe’s last blog post..It’s a little cooler
By magicpointeshoe on 05.19.08 9:11 pm | Permalink
There are some points in the study that are biased to the point that the questions force you to pick options that really don’t leave inclusion for mothers of open adoption. However, instead of making it “go away,” I engaged in discussions on the forums about what could have been added as well as added my input to the comments section at the end of the survey. You can’t foster change, even when change is being actively fostered, if you refuse to acknowledge what is wrong. Simply “shutting them up” doesn’t help solve what is currently wrong. Speaking up and sharing your experience will help open eyes.
By Munchkin'sFirstMom on 05.19.08 9:14 pm | Permalink
I can’t believe this. She’s not going to shut me up. I’m marching with you, Jenna!
By Vicki on 05.20.08 7:00 am | Permalink
Oh, Jenna. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
But yes, you keep on keepin’ on. You ROCK!!!
Judy’s last blog post..just a list — well, maybe not JUST
By Judy on 05.20.08 7:11 am | Permalink
I’m sorry. I think this moderator had no right to pull your post. Who cares if it’s biased. It’s YOUR point of view and you’re entitled to it, just as others are entitled to theirs.
Don’t give up. Don’t give in to this ““shut them up” mentality. Rise above it and keep on keepin’ on! I value your opinion.
Overwhelmed With Joy!’s last blog post..The time is drawing near to let go of Baby Bug.
By Overwhelmed With Joy! on 05.20.08 3:17 pm | Permalink