Friday nights are of a relaxed atmosphere over here. In fact, I’ve always been kind of chill on Friday nights, preferring Dateline to parties in college. That’s right. I’m a nerd and I always have been. Last night, my Husband was watching War Games (OMG! HA!) and I was catching up on a few magazines that I haven’t had time to read through yet. One of those was Redbook (July).

Of note: I have always read my magazines back cover to front cover. I don’t know why. I just do.

So one of the first pages I turned to was the end of the “Mom” section that each Redbook features. On a sidebar was a quote from Marcia Gay Harden. She’s a Mom to a ten year old and four year old twins (!) (and a spokesperson for a really great site that I’ll talk about on the other blog next week). Her quote made me dog-ear the page, nod my head and get kind of weepy all at once.

(Being a Mom made me…) Fiercely protective, like a lion. My top priority is keeping my kids safe. Mothering is a beautiful word and it doesn’t only mean making cupcakes.

Now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Harden didn’t mean to include me in her quote. But she did. The conception and subsequent birth of the Munchkin made me a Mother in every sense but the making of cupcakes. I did become fiercely protective. Her well-being was always my utmost concern, even as my own health was at risk during that tumultuous pregnancy.

Of course, that has also made me somewhat overprotective of my parented sons but I’m coming to realize that while I shouldn’t smother my kids, being protective isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Finding that balance, of course, is difficult but I’m learning. (I mean, I’m letting my oldest go to preschool in the fall even though it gives me heart palpitations! AH!)

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been this way, fiercely protective, since I knew the Munchkin would be joining the world. All during the time in which I planned on parenting, I felt like I was guarding her from the evil of this world. Once I became ill and began making an adoption plan, the mothering feeling didn’t magically dissipate. And it didn’t just go away the moment that she left my body. In fact, I felt it in a much stronger way. While I don’t drive her to dance class or watch her like a hawk as she plays on the playground now, I still feel it in my soul. I’d give my life if it meant saving hers, just like I would do for both of my boys.

All this said, I make a mean cupcake. Just ask my oldest.

A birth mother friend of mine from the Baby Scoop Era was recently verbally assaulted via e-mail. She shared the contents with me and I was absolutely flabbergasted. She was cussed at and insulted. There was no respectful tone, no wish for understand dialogue. All of this, mind you, was delivered unprompted. Just a fabulous random attack from someone on the internet hiding behind the guise of anonymity.

The best part? Once she finally let my friend know her true identity, it turns out that this woman, who said horribly awful things about birth mothers and young parents in general, apparently runs an adoption agency and counsels young pregnant mothers.

Every time I hear of something happening like this, I think back to my “counselors” at the agency through which I placed. I was initially shocked that they had such little care for me but… every time something like this happens, I am just further made aware that the majority of those working to help place babies have little respect for the mothers who are possibly relinquishing.

It breaks my heart. While I know I’ll never get an apology from my agency, I wonder sometimes if they have any guilt at all. Did they care that they lied to me? Why did they pretend that they didn’t know open adoptions weren’t legally binding in my state? Was it to cover their own rear ends or to make me hopefully not be angry with them so I wouldn’t speak out? Or are they so used to giving half-truths and blatant lies to expectant mothers that they don’t even notice or care anymore? Are they that jaded?

I don’t know the answers. But I think it stinks that people like these are causing people like me, generally positive people, to lose faith in humanity in general. What happened to respect for another and their journey? What happened to wanting to learn from another’s experience, even if your opinion differs? What about the internet gives people big, strong finger muscles that lets them type things they would (hopefully) never say to someone’s face?