My therapy appointment wasn’t yesterday. It’s next Wednesday.

I hope I can last another week.

Because all I want to do is crawl under the covers and not come out for another year.

I feel that I have so much to say and no way to verbalize any of it. I’m frustrated. I’m overwhelmed with emotion. I’m tired (though this may or may not have anything to do with adoption and everything to do with life in general). I’m trying to remind myself that anger is okay as long as you deal with it appropriately and don’t fly off handles in every direction. I’m feeling very alone despite being surrounded by people. At the same time, I’m wishing people would go away! And leave me alone! But I want hugs as well.

I make no sense.

When asked by someone I love and respect how much of this is adoption related, how much of this is PPD related, how much of this is parenting two related and how much of this is GAD related… I had no answers. I don’t know! I need a magic wand. I need to feel better. I need to feel peace. I need to feel whole.

But really?

I’d give anything to feel absolutely NOTHING for just one day. Do they make a whole life Kool-Aid? Not just Adoption Kool-Aid? I need a pitcher.