The Chronicles of Munchkin Land » Blog Archive » Thoughts on This Month’s Package

I just finished packing up the Munchkin’s June package.

June Package

Contents: a card with the normal note of what everyone has been doing, a picture of each of the boys, a small note to explain that the coloring book is from The Husband Man and an ambulance/emergency coloring book. Nothing spectacular, of course, but just another month where I did what I felt I had to do. Let me rephrase: what I felt was right by the Munchkin.

I find it difficult to pick pictures of the boys each month. (This month I have my youngest son sitting up outside, smiling very big, because he was not sitting up unassisted in May. My older son’s picture is a shot of him wearing his Daddy’s new motorcycle helmet as that is also a new “thing” in our lives. Joy fun!) I take a billion pictures every month. It’s hard to pick just two. I always write their names on the back along with the month and year.

My therapist asked me a question during my last session when I mentioned that the picture I sent of the boys in May was one of the two of them on Mother’s Day. She said, “Do you ever send pictures of yourself?”

Well, no. And I have plenty of excuses! Let me list them off for you, Therapist Lady!

I’m the photographer in the family. Pictures of me are rare.
These darn hormonal fluctuations have my skin looking hideous and, therefore, even when The Husband Man does snap a picture of me, I am not willing to share it with too many other people.
I don’t change much from month to month.
The boys are way cuter and way more interesting, don’t you think?

And while #1 is a really valid point, there are some tolerable pictures of me every month. But the real reason, of course, comes down to the fact that almost any picture of me that is presentable features one or both boys as well. I feel weird, to be downright honest, sending a picture of me smiling and holding my boys to the daughter that I placed for adoption. To me it screams, “See! We’re happy without you!” It’s not that we’re not happy. Sure, my youngest is teething now and that is super unhappy but we are a happy family. But that’s not because she’s not here.

It gets all jumbled in my head.

I thought about the things Therapist Lady said that day, about how I should be including pictures of myself as well. But I didn’t do it this month, even with a week to digest her points having passed. It just doesn’t feel right.

Anyway, it’s all sealed up now (meaning you can’t talk me into it! HA!) and ready to be dropped at the Post Office when we head out to run some errands this afternoon. I feel pretty good sending it before the verylastday of the month. In fact, I had the note written very early this month so I need to remember to mention my youngest boy’s new tooth (which will probably be teeth by then) in July’s note.

10 Comments so far

How about drawing a picture to send to your daughter? my daughter received a dinosaur drawing (it was pink) from her mother and she flipped out with happiness! It is as cherrished as any of the photos she has.

Last month my oldest finger-painted her a picture.

Please ignore my email. I can read… really I can - see? I managed to register.

I agree with you on the mumbo jumbo in your head and I don’t want to tell her we’re happy without her thoughts. I would likely feel the same.

Could you come up with an idea that could show you in a way that isn’t all about your life without her but rather your life with her? Maybe, this month I was doing this thing and I missed you sort of idea? If you’re making a cake… take a picture of you baking. Make a note that you thought of her? Or you were in the park and your favorite toy was the teetertotter.

Silly, I’m sure.

I’m just sitting here reading from afar, but I kind of imagine them putting the photos in a little book for her and her over the years looking back and picking out all the ways she is like you. like her brothers. Gosh, how you love her. Wish I had something comforting to say, but I guess just wanted you to know that you’re being heard.

It’s a funny thing, cuz on my end of the coin, I rarely send pictures of me and the boys or all of us as a family to either of their birthmothers. Like I don’t want their pics to be a slap in the face like a “Haha look at us all happy” or anything. Am I making sense? Even when I do include a picture of all of us and write on the back our names with a date, I never write “Mommy, Daddy, etc” I put our actual names. Weird.

{{{Hugs}}}

I can understand. One week is way too short of a time to digest that. Do what you feel comfortable doing.

Renee - I do the same thing when I send pictures to my children’s birthmotherS. Sometimes I’ll send all the kids together, but I hardly ever send a big happy family picture.

Why not let send her a picture of you singing????

Hugs! I think that is a perfect package. The “mundane” every day stuff is more interesting in the long run over time in my oppinion that just telling all the happy/interesting stuff. She will appreciate it more and feel like she really mattered (in my oppinion). I also think that when you feel ready and comfortable, she will REALLY appreciate pictures of you that you send every now and then of yourself. I agree with PP about sending pictures of you DOING things that illustrate who you are (singing, gardening, reading, etc.)… casual pictures that help her relate. I have a different adoption history in that the “openness” has always been with my paternal grandmother. She always sent pictures of herself, my grandpa, my cousins, and aunts and uncles. They never included pictures of my first father, his wife, or his 2 subsequent children and it always made me a little sad to have a brother and a sister and not even know what they look like and to know that in reality they don’t even know I exist. I do have ONE picture of him that was a picture of him and his brothers. I did/do really cherish it though allot. I would have very much so enjoyed seeing other pictures even if it was just once a year to have in a little album. I think we all have a need to know where we came from and pictures help us connect. No need to rush though. Just like everything, there will be a time when you are ready or not and sometimes these things take a while. More hugs to you.

When you are ready. . . you should include all kinds of pictures of you. It is your life that you are showing Munchkin. We see our Kaiti quite a bit and I still love getting pictures of her–be it that it is hardly ever–unless I take them myself. We have them displayed in our home showing our love for her too. We also pull out the mini photo book she made of our visits the first year and use it as “his” story book about her. I think you don’t give yourself enough credit. You are doing an incredible job–no matter how easy or difficult it is at any one particular moment. You are always thinking about others and concerned about how they may feel or react to something. Because Munchkin has your genes, she will be able to understand someday your struggles and I think she will want you to not feel guilty when you feel happy and would love to have any and all pictures she could possibly have of you. I’m glad your back and I hope you don’t mind my ramblings! :0)

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