Green

 Teen Parenting  Comments Off
Jun 232008
 

Jamie Lynn Spears had her baby. Old news, I know. But I’ve been sitting over here, feeling jealous and salty about it for a few days now. That’s right. Jealous.

Granted, I didn’t have millions of dollars at the ready. I also didn’t have the support of my family (due to communication problems amongst us all). But dang it, I was older. Why her? Why not me? Or, why me? And why not her? Or… why any of us?

I know she has her dissenters, of course. I’ve seen people blame the Pregnancy Pact on her. I’ve seen people blame her for being a bad influence. I’ve heard the nasty things people have to say. My heart breaks for her because of all of that crap. I want to smack people around and say, “You were a decision or two away, at some point in your life, from something similar.” Of course, these arguments are usually had with those who waited until they got married to have sex and therefore feel they can pass judgment on young, unwed parents. I haven’t quite found the appropriate respectful argument to let them know that they’re still not all that different from those of us who were young and pregnant. I’m working on it.

All the same, I hope the younger Spears sister is able to rise to the occasion. Not for the sake of the media. Not for the sake of her naysayers. And not for the sake of the tweens that apparently idolize her. (Hi? Solution to the problem? Teach your children either that all people are human or that celebrities, in general, don’t make the best role models. Cite examples.) I have these hopes for her new baby girl. Period. I hope that they are able to enjoy the life that they both deserve together: one with love, learning and laughter mixed together. That learning part? That’s the hard stuff. Trust me. You want to learn from the hard stuff. And you want to learn from the good stuff.

Just writing this out, I feel a bit less jealous. That is, until the next unwed and/or young celebrity gets pregnant. Because they will always exist. Just like in the everyday population.

 Posted by at 1:19 am

Singing

 Faith, Lyrics  Comments Off
Jun 212008
 

I’m singing in church the first Sunday in July. It’s been since Christmas Eve since I’ve used my voice in any real way. I haven’t even been singing with the choir as my attention, right now, is on taking care of LittleBrother. I feel out of practice and nervous.

I went through my current favorite Christian songs. I downloaded (legally!) a bunch of different tracks. And I got frustrated. The songs that I like tend to get a little, uhm, loud and I don’t really feel like blowing out any hearing aids. The other problem is that there are so few female vocalists, especially of the Christian variety, that have any “edge” or iota of interestingness that fit in my vocal range. Using a track from a male vocalists is difficult as heck. I fail at it. FAIL!

So, finally, I got aggravated, spent another $5.00 and downloaded the sheet music for the song I most wanted to sing from sheetmusicplus.com and called the pianist from my church. I didn’t even have to bribe. She’s happy to work with me and she will be in church that Sunday. Works well.

I’ve decided on Never Alone by Barlow Girl. When you watch it on YouTube, picture it without loud guitars, just piano. Gives it a more… raw… feel. No? More vulnerable? Exposed? That’s what I’m going for as that’s how I’ve been feeling as of late. The handful of songs that I was considering all played around with that theme. That vulnerability. That absolute nothingness without God. It’s where I am so it makes sense that it would speak to me.

I have a strong faith. I do. But it’s really been shaken lately. I’ve had my moments of anger with God, which I am assured that everyone deals with at various points in their lives. Right now, I’m really … working on it. But struggling at the same time. I know He is there… but dang if I don’t feel alone in all of this as of late. I don’t understand what is going on and why and it hurts. I feel broken. I feel so many things. And so, it makes sense that I resonate with this:

I cry out with no reply
And I can’t feel you by my side
So, I hold tight to what I know…
You’re here. And I’m never alone.

Perhaps it also speaks so much to me right now because of my belief that a mother’s love knows no ending, no bounds? Kind of like the Father’s? Oh parallels of my life! Anyway… I’m sure it also has something to do with the guitars in the real version. Aren’t they FANTASTICALLY ANGRY?! But the piano itself is beautiful. It’s kind of like me. A dichotomy of conflicting feelings. Hopeful and hopeless. (Also, it doesn’t hurt that the lead singer is a brunette. Heh. I can “see” myself in the video. If only I could rock a big electric guitar like that, perhaps I’d have a great creative outlet for this stuff.)

Anyway, I’ve got just about three weeks to practice. I’m meeting with my pianist a few times over the next few weeks to get it down. The verse is on the lower end of my register but… well, it feels good to sing low right now. Matches my mood.

 Posted by at 3:46 pm