Comments on: Others Triggered by the Phrase “Give Up” http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/ Writing Our Ever-Evolving Story Sat, 19 May 2012 16:21:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Brooke http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/comment-page-1/#comment-3736 Brooke Mon, 01 Sep 2008 23:29:58 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=604#comment-3736 So the WE channel has a new show called "The Locator". I can see it coming a mile away as he walks up the sidewalk in the commercial. The camera looks over the shoulder of the person answering the door and he says,"Hi my name is Troy Dunn, and I was asked to find you by the daughter you gave up." Breaks my heart and turns my stomach every time. So the WE channel has a new show called “The Locator”. I can see it coming a mile away as he walks up the sidewalk in the commercial. The camera looks over the shoulder of the person answering the door and he says,”Hi my name is Troy Dunn, and I was asked to find you by the daughter you gave up.” Breaks my heart and turns my stomach every time.

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]]> By: StorkWatcher http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/comment-page-1/#comment-3715 StorkWatcher Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:20:19 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=604#comment-3715 Whenever someone asks me why our son's birthmother "gave him up" or says "I can't believe someone would give him up!", I reprhase with a, "She PLACED him for adoption because..." To me it's a big difference. I don' tknow if some people would think it's much better or still as negative as "give up", but I feel it is more appropriate in our situation. Whenever someone asks me why our son’s birthmother “gave him up” or says “I can’t believe someone would give him up!”, I reprhase with a, “She PLACED him for adoption because…”

To me it’s a big difference. I don’ tknow if some people would think it’s much better or still as negative as “give up”, but I feel it is more appropriate in our situation.

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]]> By: heatherrainbow http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/comment-page-1/#comment-3704 heatherrainbow Sat, 16 Aug 2008 20:17:29 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=604#comment-3704 I'm the same. I don't like the term "gave up", because I never gave up. In the same way I don't like the term "surrendered" because neither did I do that. I can be ok with others using those terms, just that I don't. I think people blame us for our situation. And, so, then they don't apologize. It's good to hear that we are not in the fight alone. I have found many allies with people who do not have an adoption connection, but who do have children. I’m the same. I don’t like the term “gave up”, because I never gave up. In the same way I don’t like the term “surrendered” because neither did I do that. I can be ok with others using those terms, just that I don’t.

I think people blame us for our situation. And, so, then they don’t apologize.

It’s good to hear that we are not in the fight alone. I have found many allies with people who do not have an adoption connection, but who do have children.

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]]> By: LilyPadJumper http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/comment-page-1/#comment-3703 LilyPadJumper Sat, 16 Aug 2008 04:39:17 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=604#comment-3703 Thank you so much for broaching this subject. I have "placed" (the term I usually use)twice in my life and every time someone asks about me "giving up" my children it makes me cringe, down deep. Z went to live with his new parents only 3 weeks ago and every day I hold on just a little bit tighter to not giving up. I fought with ever fiber of my being to give him the best life possible and when someone uses that phrase, it makes me sad. Sad to think that someone might say that to HIM someday..."why did your birth mother give you up?". My Mom was adopted and I've met my birth grandmother. She suddenly found herself single, with three kids. Poor and struggling, she did the only thing she could for my Mom, my aunt and my uncle; she allowed them to have a full and healthy life in one home, together. "Giving up" would have been subjecting them a life of possible neglect at the hands of her struggle to make ends meet. Ok, I'm riled up now. And no, no one has ever apologized when they used the phrase "give up". To the 'outside' world, it's potato/po-tah-to, never mind the way it makes us feel and sound. Thank you so much for broaching this subject. I have “placed” (the term I usually use)twice in my life and every time someone asks about me “giving up” my children it makes me cringe, down deep.

Z went to live with his new parents only 3 weeks ago and every day I hold on just a little bit tighter to not giving up. I fought with ever fiber of my being to give him the best life possible and when someone uses that phrase, it makes me sad. Sad to think that someone might say that to HIM someday…”why did your birth mother give you up?”.

My Mom was adopted and I’ve met my birth grandmother. She suddenly found herself single, with three kids. Poor and struggling, she did the only thing she could for my Mom, my aunt and my uncle; she allowed them to have a full and healthy life in one home, together. “Giving up” would have been subjecting them a life of possible neglect at the hands of her struggle to make ends meet.

Ok, I’m riled up now. And no, no one has ever apologized when they used the phrase “give up”. To the ‘outside’ world, it’s potato/po-tah-to, never mind the way it makes us feel and sound.

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]]> By: therapyisexpensive http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/comment-page-1/#comment-3702 therapyisexpensive Sat, 16 Aug 2008 02:14:55 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=604#comment-3702 I also don't like the phrase "gave up" and no I've never been appologized to for the use of that phrase. Reading this actually helped me put my finger on something that happened recently. I was talking about my son to a group of people who were not "in the know" and as I was about to explain my boyfriend jumped in and did it for me. I thought I was mad at him for telling MY business but didn't think I should be because he didn't share anything I wasn't about to anyway. But turns out I'm mad about the WAY he shared my business and the terminology he used. Now i feel justified in being upset with what he did and now i know what to address with him. THANKS! I also don’t like the phrase “gave up” and no I’ve never been appologized to for the use of that phrase.
Reading this actually helped me put my finger on something that happened recently. I was talking about my son to a group of people who were not “in the know” and as I was about to explain my boyfriend jumped in and did it for me. I thought I was mad at him for telling MY business but didn’t think I should be because he didn’t share anything I wasn’t about to anyway. But turns out I’m mad about the WAY he shared my business and the terminology he used. Now i feel justified in being upset with what he did and now i know what to address with him. THANKS!

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]]> By: kaydee76 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2008/08/15/others-triggered-by-the-phrase-give-up/comment-page-1/#comment-3701 kaydee76 Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:08:11 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=604#comment-3701 "Why are birth parents chastized when they say, aloud, that they don’t like the phrase 'gave up.'" All I can really say is that, although times change a lot more slowly than we'd like sometimes, there ARE people out here who are trying very hard to do all of this the right way. The agency we work with is very big on using appropriate terminology, and when I talk to others, I always correct their words and their misconceptions. Btw, I started reading you a while back, when we were just beginning to look into adoption. As of yesterday, we are tentatively "matched." I think of you often and try to imagine what this must be like for the young woman carrying that baby. She is parenting one child and placed another one 2 years ago, so she actually has a lot more experience with this than we do, but still...I find all of this just mind-boggling, and I definitely don't want it to be any harder for her than it already will be. “Why are birth parents chastized when they say, aloud, that they don’t like the phrase ‘gave up.’”

All I can really say is that, although times change a lot more slowly than we’d like sometimes, there ARE people out here who are trying very hard to do all of this the right way. The agency we work with is very big on using appropriate terminology, and when I talk to others, I always correct their words and their misconceptions.

Btw, I started reading you a while back, when we were just beginning to look into adoption. As of yesterday, we are tentatively “matched.” I think of you often and try to imagine what this must be like for the young woman carrying that baby. She is parenting one child and placed another one 2 years ago, so she actually has a lot more experience with this than we do, but still…I find all of this just mind-boggling, and I definitely don’t want it to be any harder for her than it already will be.

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