Trouble Relating

 Adoption, in General, Firstmotherhood, Open Adoption  4 Responses »
Aug 192008
 

The Munchkin is heading back to preschool in September. You may remember last year when I bought her a special necklace and was rather emotional on her very first ever day of school. I feel less emotional this year. In fact, I’m rather busy preparing for my oldest son’s first day of preschool. The emotional aspects of that fact haven’t yet hit me. I suppose they will when I drop him off that first official day. Where has the time gone?

I asked her Mom yesterday about the time of her first day so I could send a card and something small. And then I started thinking about what that something small would be. And I realized that sometimes I don’t like being the birth mom. I find it hard to wrap my mind around what she wants and likes and needs when I am so far removed. Also, perhaps because I am now parenting boys, I just have a hard time even looking at gifts for girls.

I get overwhelmed at Easter and Christmas when all the froofy dresses are out for display and purchase. I cannot walk down the Barbie aisle. The pink overwhelms me and sends me into some catatonic state of unfeeling for the rest of the day. Girl stuff seems so foreign to me. Which is strange, as I am female and actually like pink things (though my favorite color has changed to green). I am not opposed to the idea of dolls and girly things. But, especially when I am shopping specifically for the Munchkin, I get extremely overwhelmed.

Perhaps I just expect to be able to know her better. To just instinctively know what she would like. To be able to know what size she would need, as sizes differ from brand to brand, by holding up a shirt and guesstimating her size. I can’t do those things. I don’t have that close, intimate relationship that she has with her Mom. I live on the outside. And most days that is okay as I am still allowed into the fold. But when it comes to buying gifts, I find myself frustrated. I want to know my daughter better. I want to know what she likes and eyeball her size and just better relate to her.

All the same, I haven’t yet found a good Back To (Pre)School present for her yet. And I’m still looking. Ideas?

 Posted by at 12:01 pm

Don’t Tell My Mom: I Like Sweet Tea

 Random  1 Response »
Aug 192008
 

Newsflash: I now drink sweet tea.

If you know me more than in just the blogosphere and/or have been to lunch or supper with me, you probably just had to read that sentence again. I was an avid sweet tea hater. Prior to this summer, I have been a staunch supporter of plain old ice tea with lemon. Unsweetened, please. Of course, if you live in the North, you don’t have to say “unsweetened” when you order. It just comes that way. If you want sweet tea in the North, you have to specifically ask for sweet tea. I’m now finding myself specifically asking for sweet tea.

What happened to me?

To be honest, I still find myself ordering regular tea at times. Because I just like tea. I do. I’ve spent my entire life drinking it and it’s just a “comfort” drink for me. But my Husband and I are blaming this switch from “regular” tea to “high octane” tea on McDonald’s advertising. Haven’t you seen all the big billboards? SWEET TEA! $1.00! And every time we see a sign, we say, “Mmm, sweet tea.” And, oh, the horror, the past three pitchers of iced tea that have been brewed and made and chilled in this house have been, oh, oh, the horror, sweet tea.

Maybe I was just tired of being bitter?

See that? I just snarked myself.

Anyway, the Husband and I were talking about that change that we’ve both been through this summer. And I got to thinking about other things that have changed over the years. And I’ve decided that change, whether the world puts it in the box of “good” or “bad”, is necessary to continue on life’s journey. If I wouldn’t have changed anything about my parenting, for example, I wouldn’t be the parent I am today. Not that I was a bad parent as BigBrother indoctrinated us into the parenting world. I just learned my way and changed things as I went. Such is life in adoption as well, I suppose.

The trick is finding the peace with changes as you go. I’ve found my peace with sweet tea. Now, onto bigger and trickier subjects at large.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries