My grandfather passed away on Monday.

On Tuesday, the sewer backed up into our basement.

Finally, today, I was able to collapse in bed and just let it all out. We’re leaving for The Farm tomorrow for the viewing. The funeral will be Friday. I’m feeling overwhelmed. Under-prepared. Emotionally devastated. And all of those things mashed together usually leave me revisiting old/other grief.

I never thought, at the time of relinquishment, that the grief of losing my daughter would exacerbate every other grief in my life. Well, I didn’t think about life-long grief at that point. I thought it would get better. I didn’t have an inkling of understanding as to how placement would root itself into every aspect of my life. It doesn’t run my life but it is just always there; it’s just always there.

I don’t deal well with funerals. I’m not looking forward to the next 48 hours. I am thankful for a husband to stand by my side, figuratively and literally.