As many of you know, we’re done having children. I’m mostly okay with this until, of course, I hold small babies. Or Sundays. There’s something about Sundays that make both my me and my Husband want to conceive more children. It’s very strange. All the same, we’re done.
And so, on the storage side of our basement, we have this pile. It keeps growing. A stroller-infant-car-seat travel system complete with Land’s End fleece warmer. An extra infant car seat. An exersaucer. A bouncy seat. A Bumbo. A playmat. Some other little things like bottles we never used.
For a little while, I was considering donating the whole lot to our church. I now work in the nursery and am well aware that we’re missing some “small infant” stuff. Though very few parents bring their small infants down during church or to Bible Study, a few are brought in on occasion and it would be nice to have things for them. But just this morning I got to thinking…
I want to give this stuff, all of it, to one young mother in need. Not a few different ones. One. I want her to go from having just about nothing to having almost enough. And, true, newborns don’t need “stuff.” They don’t. They need their mothers’ milk and they need a safe place to sleep. But I remember being in that position, with absolutely nothing. Not even a car seat to take my child home in should I have changed my mind. (Granted, I learned afterwards that the hospital can provide a seat but that was an after the fact knowledge-bit that I like to pass on to expectant mothers now that I know!) I digress.
I didn’t have anything. And I felt that lack of “stuff” was evidence of my inability to parent. Granted, I was sick, stuck in bed and unable to work. It wasn’t as if I was able to magically make things appear. But I also lacked the ability to ask people for help. I didn’t want to seem as if I was “sponging” off of society as so many people accuse those who do seek help. And while I learned by actively parenting two little boys that “stuff” does not a good parent make, I do know how good it felt to be able to purchase and have that stuff in house before they were born. It was an assurance that things were different this time around, that I would provide come hell or high water and that, darn it, things would be okay.
I want to pass that feeling on to another local mother. I have decided to go totally local and not branch out into other cities surrounding our area. There’s a high-rate of teen pregnancy here. You can blame the cycle of young pregnancy in families, our city’s apathy towards educating these young folks on options and consequence, or whatever you wish to blame it on but the “problem” remains. Certain groups in town all but demand that these young mothers “choose” life (though they tell them that there is no choice) but refuse to offer any help. Those same people are the ones that I have heard casting judgment on one young mother who has had three pregnancies at a young age. Those are the same people who scoff at anyone who is receiving public assistance and make nasty comments about anyone who has ever received said assistance not knowing (or, perhaps, caring) that individuals at the table they are sharing once received said assistance. (I received Medicaid benefits while pregnant with the Munchkin.)
No one wants to help these mothers. But I do.
I just put an ad on MySpace for a “Huge Lot of Baby Gear for a YOUNG MOTHER IN NEED.” I set our ages at 16-22. The younger age because knowing the people that I know, I know a young mother of that age can and will survive. (Why not 14? I don’t know. I’d make an exception, I suppose if a 14 year old mother-to-be contacted me.) The upper age range because that’s how old I was when everyone told me that I couldn’t do it on my own.
Do I expect some scammers? Sure. But I’m requiring all potential recipients to meet with us. Why? I want to encourage them ALL, to let them know they can do it. (And requiring that will weed out those who are just trying to score free stuff.)
Why am I not going through a local organization? Our town doesn’t even have one. If I can’t find anyone through direct contact, I will consider contacting our local foster care office but I don’t think they can give me any information on individuals so, really, this is my only route. The next city over has a pregnancy center but, as I said, I want to serve our city. I’m feeling that it is necessary right now.
This won’t solve their problems. The road to parenting and through parenting is hard, even in the best of circumstances. But perhaps the contact(s) that I make will help provide some young mothers with that small bit of encouragement that makes the difference. Perhaps these young parents (because I hope! some Dads are involved) just need someone to say, “You can do it.” Because how many times have you read the words of a birth mother say that she just wanted someone to say those words.
I want to be that person to someone.
And, so, as I do have some local readers: if you know of anyone in need in our city, please use the contact form to let me know. This is heavy on my heart as we enter this birthday and holiday season in our family. We have SO MUCH. And so much of it isn’t even necessary. And I just need to pass it on.
My name is Jenna. I blog here, 
If you run into a lot of scammers, you might consider contacting the local high school, a doctor’s office, or a church and having them approach someone who they know is truly in need. Just a thought. It’s wonderful that you’re doing this.
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Jenna – my personal experience? This mother will find you or you will find her. I have done this so often, donated bassinetts, cribs, clothing, food, furniture to mothers in need that it boggles my mind (and warms my heart). I have never been as assertive as you in finding that person but I do believe you will find someone that needs the gifts you offer.
I know of several organizations in IL that assist young moms. Surely there is one your area? Google it. Call them up.
Also, inquire at the firehouse or through friends. Years ago when my son Nik was a toddler, I talked to coworkers about wanting to donate his baby stuff. A woman that worked in our mailroom (that I did not know) overheard me and approached me later. Her teenage daughter had just given birth to a baby boy. I donated to her for years. She sent me pictures, sent me thank you cards, brought the baby into to see me.
It is so worth it.
Good luck! You are awesome. Share the love. Pay it forward. Thats my thinking anyway.
Hugs to you and your boys (and the future mom and babe you will help)
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Jenna, this is a wonderful thing you are doing. As a young mother, I certainly was faced with this issue as well. And you DID help this young mother (along with others!) to help meet my daughter’s needs the second time around I truly, truly appriciate it. I definitely will “pay it forward” when we are more financially stable as well. So many women and children need it!
I hope a mother does receive this blessing from you and is encouraged by it and your story. Please keep us updated!
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Maybe Help Me Grow?
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Have I mentioned lately that you rock?
You Rock!!!!
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Yes! That is amazing. I have a friend in California who is a guidance counselor at a local high school with a high pregnancy, and a high adoption rate too! So I talked to her and we did this a couple of times while we were out there and now she started a program hooking up kids with ‘mentor’ parents so they can really try on parenting! Only one girl has placed since then, so it has been a success! You could start a movement there!
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If you don’t get responses on myspace you may want to try craigslist
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Hello:)
I googled “more sad or sadder” which landed me to your blog.
Very cute blog!!!!
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This is such a great idea, Jenna. I’ve often wondered if there’s a help organization for young women with those kinds of needs where I live, but I’ve never come across one.
You’ll really make a difference in someone’s life. Good for you!
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I have been thinking of doing the same thing. I have chosen the adoption agency we used, because they are always looking for donations to give to the women they work with who choose to parent.
However, I have not yet accepted the fact that we will have no more children, so I cannot yet bear to part with anything – not even a single baby outfit.
In the back of my mind, I realize I need to make the decision to accept the fact that I will ever only parent one child sooner, rather than later, so that someone can receive all of our baby things while they’re still in style!
I can’t wait to hear how this turns out for you. I am sure you will find one very grateful person to work with!
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Like Suz said, I am sure the right young mother will find you and you will find her. I think it’s a great idea and I’ll be praying for you and her and the babe.
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Jenna,
What a beautiful thing to do. This post made me cry as it touched me.
Although I was older when the son I placed for adoption was born, I didn’t have any of the physical things needed and didn’t have the means to obtain them. I can just imagine how much of a difference this will make for one young woman.
Good job!
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[...] Unplanned Pregnancy I talked late last year about finding a family/mother to give our baby gear to; someone who legitimately had a need. I did find a person for all of the big stuff. I won’t [...]
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