As many of you know, we’re done having children. I’m mostly okay with this until, of course, I hold small babies. Or Sundays. There’s something about Sundays that make both my me and my Husband want to conceive more children. It’s very strange. All the same, we’re done.
And so, on the storage side of our basement, we have this pile. It keeps growing. A stroller-infant-car-seat travel system complete with Land’s End fleece warmer. An extra infant car seat. An exersaucer. A bouncy seat. A Bumbo. A playmat. Some other little things like bottles we never used.
For a little while, I was considering donating the whole lot to our church. I now work in the nursery and am well aware that we’re missing some “small infant” stuff. Though very few parents bring their small infants down during church or to Bible Study, a few are brought in on occasion and it would be nice to have things for them. But just this morning I got to thinking…
I want to give this stuff, all of it, to one young mother in need. Not a few different ones. One. I want her to go from having just about nothing to having almost enough. And, true, newborns don’t need “stuff.” They don’t. They need their mothers’ milk and they need a safe place to sleep. But I remember being in that position, with absolutely nothing. Not even a car seat to take my child home in should I have changed my mind. (Granted, I learned afterwards that the hospital can provide a seat but that was an after the fact knowledge-bit that I like to pass on to expectant mothers now that I know!) I digress.
I didn’t have anything. And I felt that lack of “stuff” was evidence of my inability to parent. Granted, I was sick, stuck in bed and unable to work. It wasn’t as if I was able to magically make things appear. But I also lacked the ability to ask people for help. I didn’t want to seem as if I was “sponging” off of society as so many people accuse those who do seek help. And while I learned by actively parenting two little boys that “stuff” does not a good parent make, I do know how good it felt to be able to purchase and have that stuff in house before they were born. It was an assurance that things were different this time around, that I would provide come hell or high water and that, darn it, things would be okay.
I want to pass that feeling on to another local mother. I have decided to go totally local and not branch out into other cities surrounding our area. There’s a high-rate of teen pregnancy here. You can blame the cycle of young pregnancy in families, our city’s apathy towards educating these young folks on options and consequence, or whatever you wish to blame it on but the “problem” remains. Certain groups in town all but demand that these young mothers “choose” life (though they tell them that there is no choice) but refuse to offer any help. Those same people are the ones that I have heard casting judgment on one young mother who has had three pregnancies at a young age. Those are the same people who scoff at anyone who is receiving public assistance and make nasty comments about anyone who has ever received said assistance not knowing (or, perhaps, caring) that individuals at the table they are sharing once received said assistance. (I received Medicaid benefits while pregnant with the Munchkin.)
No one wants to help these mothers. But I do.
I just put an ad on MySpace for a “Huge Lot of Baby Gear for a YOUNG MOTHER IN NEED.” I set our ages at 16-22. The younger age because knowing the people that I know, I know a young mother of that age can and will survive. (Why not 14? I don’t know. I’d make an exception, I suppose if a 14 year old mother-to-be contacted me.) The upper age range because that’s how old I was when everyone told me that I couldn’t do it on my own.
Do I expect some scammers? Sure. But I’m requiring all potential recipients to meet with us. Why? I want to encourage them ALL, to let them know they can do it. (And requiring that will weed out those who are just trying to score free stuff.)
Why am I not going through a local organization? Our town doesn’t even have one. If I can’t find anyone through direct contact, I will consider contacting our local foster care office but I don’t think they can give me any information on individuals so, really, this is my only route. The next city over has a pregnancy center but, as I said, I want to serve our city. I’m feeling that it is necessary right now.
This won’t solve their problems. The road to parenting and through parenting is hard, even in the best of circumstances. But perhaps the contact(s) that I make will help provide some young mothers with that small bit of encouragement that makes the difference. Perhaps these young parents (because I hope! some Dads are involved) just need someone to say, “You can do it.” Because how many times have you read the words of a birth mother say that she just wanted someone to say those words.
I want to be that person to someone.
And, so, as I do have some local readers: if you know of anyone in need in our city, please use the contact form to let me know. This is heavy on my heart as we enter this birthday and holiday season in our family. We have SO MUCH. And so much of it isn’t even necessary. And I just need to pass it on.