Happy Birthday

I’m not feeling as eloquent today.

Today is a day always filled with memories. Today is a day that I can see newborn Munchkin with such clarity it is as if I have just given birth to her and she is simply down the hall being tended to by the nursing staff. Today is her birthday, of course. And while I always love my daughter, it is today that I am always overwhelmed with that love.

It fills me, fully, today. That love. That deep, to-the-core kind of love that mothers should and often do have for their children. I was once told that mothers who have relinquished a child should never love that placed child as much as they love their parented children. I thought that to be silly at the time. And on birthdays I am reminded that it simply isn’t the case for me.

I love her as much as I love the two boys that crawl all over me on a daily basis. I would give my life to save her own, just as I would do for these two brothers. I would move mountains for any last one of them… if only I could. Obviously, as any parent will, or rather, should admit to, I love them each in their own way. They bring different things to the table with their own unique perspectives, personalities and stories and I love them each in and for their very own ways.

I miss her, of course. I tried calling earlier this morning but didn’t catch anyone. I likely won’t get to wish her a happy birthday on the phone as I will be leaving the house in about three hours to go get ready for my Christmas concert. My heart feels heavy at that thought; knowing I can’t be with her on this beautiful day and knowing that I might not even get to hear her voice. All the same, I don’t think I could send more love across the miles between us if I tried.

I love you, Munchkin. May your birthday be everything you ever dreamed it would be, just as you have been everything I never imagined you could be to me. Happy Birthday.