I haven’t written about unethical agency practices and how they make my blood boil for quite some time. The process of focusing on myself and my own healing necessitated a step back from the constant aggravation that the adoption industry provides when it comes to “birthmother” “marketing” and other awful ways to refer to getting an expectant mother to place her child for adoption.
Don’t misread that statement. Placing a child for adoption is not the awful part. (Though the emotional reprecussions of such an action could be defined as such which is why better pre- and post-placement counseling are needed for those who do eventually decide to relinquish.) The way that agencies continue to act in subtly coercive ways and get away with it is what I’m classifying as awful.
Heather has two posts that really show what’s going on. It seems like I’m not the only one who is being sought out on places like MySpace and, sadly, the agency that did so is not the only one doing it. Apparently this is now an accepted form of marketing for agencies. Which, of course, it raises my hackles anytime these agencies use the word “marketing” when referring to real live human beings.
My favorite line from the agency’s response:
Our advertising is completely focused on increasing the number of pregnant women who call us.
I wonder, then, if this agency would be like that other one that contacted me on MySpace when I was pregnant with my youngest son. If you’re solely committed to the bottom line, then why would you care if you offend some over-emotional pregnant woman? Why would you care if you’re subtly coercing mothers into placing their children? Why would you care if someone accused you of unethical practices?
I don’t know when we’re going to see a change in how agencies deal with or are allowed to deal with expectant mothers and fathers. I don’t know how to make these agencies stand up and recognize that they’re doing so much more harm than good in so many cases. I don’t know how to make those who say, “But if one child who really needs a home falls through the cracks due to the changes you are suggesting, it’s all a loss,” realize that there are ethical ways to make sure children have the homes and the love that they need and deserve. Why do we have to go about assuring children such things in such an unethical manner? Why aren’t more people concerned with ethics? Why are we such a selfish nation? A selfish world?
Normally, after writing a post like this, my blood pressure would be up and my vision would shake. It’s amazing what a year of healing will do for you. That said, I’m still greatly displeased with the state of things. In my January-mind’s-eye (the one with the clean slate, you see), I have all of this hope that 2009 will bring great changes on this front. But then the realist part of my head steps in and I know that not enough ground work has been laid for anything of that nature to take place just yet.
Perhaps we need to start laying the ground work now.