A Little Bit … Grumpy
Posted: June 3, 2009 at 5:18 pm | Tags: celebritiesWhy is adoption around every last corner lately?
I bought Kristin Chenoweth’s book A Little Bit Wicked because I love her, the musical and needed something new to read. The first chapter of the book jumps straight in to how Chenoweth was adopted by her real mom and has no interest in her biological mother. Or, birth mama, as she called her at one point.
That’s fine and dandy. We’re all allowed to feel how we do about the experiences we live. That’s not my issue right now.
My issues, however, is that I just wanted to read a book about an amazingly talented woman and her amazing experiences with music and television and Broadway and life in general. As I am not a celebrity stalker, I had no idea she was adopted. And now, instead of enjoying a book, I’m forced to remember that, to much of society, including those touched by adoption, I mean nothing.
I hate that feeling. I especially hate when that feeling gets thrust upon me when I least expect it. I was just planning on delving into the trials, tribulations and triumphs of musical life. And, BAM! I’m unnecessary! I’m nothing more than a way for a baby to be delivered to the proper family! I serve no purpose!
Yes, I’m being oversensitive. Yes, I do respect her right to feel the way that she does. But, yes, oh yes, I hope that my daughter sees me as more than just… nothing. I don’t need for her to bestow upon me the special title of mom or mother or even anything more than my first name. But if she ever tells me that I served no other purpose in her life than choosing her real mom*… I do imagine that would be quite heartbreaking. I’d accept it, of course, as, once again, she’ll have a right to feel however she does and I won’t ever force her to love me more than I know she already does. But that respect and acknowledgment that she can feel how she feels wouldn’t erase my heartbreak.
And so I hope Chenoweth understands when I say that I respect how she feels but that I hope my daughter doesn’t feel the same. And here’s hoping that the mention of adoption doesn’t go past this first chapter!
[* = Minus the possibly turbulent teenage years. I'll be prepared for purposefully heartbreaking statements to be thrown in my direction. I remember being a teenage girl and I didn't have the same issues on my plate. Different ones but not the same.]
The Discussion
see what everyone is saying
as an adoptee I have never understood how other adoptees can feel this way.
I’m sorry that this feeling snuck out at you from a book.
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My first thought is that it really only matters that your daughter knows you are her something.
My second thought is that I often have felt the same way about other issues. It is a personal knife in the heart when I hear people say things that affect me because of my life experiences. It is important how others make us feel.
At the end of the day all we can do is know that we have done our best. Your daughter will be proud of you. (teenage years not included)
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[...] book, A Little Bit Wicked. I’m pages from the bright pink covered end. And while the book initially sent me to a place I didn’t particularly want to be, I have loved almost every page of the book. She appeals to the musical theater dork in me, the [...]
As an adoptee who feels much the same way as Kristin (i.e., I don’t have any interest in finding my birth parents), I hope that everyone out there can respect the experiences of other individuals. For some people an open adoption is something that suits them and their family situations and for others there might be little or no interest in discovering their biological parents. I hope that one person’s experience doesn’t invalidate another person’s. It is not my intention to judge or criticize those who try to find their birth families, it simply my experience.
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Tansasser; I do believe my post says the exact opposite. Just that I want the same respect in return.
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