Comments on: No Longer Defined by One Title http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/ Writing Our Ever-Evolving Story Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:41:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Meg http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/comment-page-1/#comment-7882 Meg Tue, 01 Nov 2011 19:19:40 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=805#comment-7882 Can I share part of this for a Families Supporting Adoption Conference this weekend? I'm teaching a class called not just a birthmom. I am a birthmom of 11+ years. Can I share part of this for a Families Supporting Adoption Conference this weekend? I’m teaching a class called not just a birthmom. I am a birthmom of 11+ years.

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]]> By: Kay http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/comment-page-1/#comment-4227 Kay Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:29:42 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=805#comment-4227 I stumbled onto this blog through a comment you left on a Suburban Turmoil post. I don't have anything amazingly insightful to say, nor do I have any stories of adoption to share. But for some reason, your honesty and writings grabbed me, so I'll be reading. (As soon as I work my way through the archives.) I guess all I want to say is that from what I've read so far, you made a difficult decision, and in the process created a family. Your first birth story wasn't any less beautiful than the second or third - it was still your story to tell. For living it, for making that decision, for telling your story, you deserve admiration, not condescension. I had my first child at 15 - and the choices I made were not easy ones... just as I imagine yours wasn't easy either. Though we wound up making different choices, I truly respect and admire the courage you obviously had, to be able to make the decision you did. I stumbled onto this blog through a comment you left on a Suburban Turmoil post.
I don’t have anything amazingly insightful to say, nor do I have any stories of adoption to share. But for some reason, your honesty and writings grabbed me, so I’ll be reading. (As soon as I work my way through the archives.)
I guess all I want to say is that from what I’ve read so far, you made a difficult decision, and in the process created a family. Your first birth story wasn’t any less beautiful than the second or third – it was still your story to tell. For living it, for making that decision, for telling your story, you deserve admiration, not condescension. I had my first child at 15 – and the choices I made were not easy ones… just as I imagine yours wasn’t easy either. Though we wound up making different choices, I truly respect and admire the courage you obviously had, to be able to make the decision you did.

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]]> By: joy http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/comment-page-1/#comment-4225 joy Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:39:25 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=805#comment-4225 And... please understand that at our house birth (first) mothers rank pretty dang high up there! Should we meet, and hear your story- you would hear gasps and have to ward off spontaneous hugs and live in the golden light of general awe. First moms mean the world to us. Though we often find ourselves 'outlined' by other's definitions of us- we are never truly defined by them. We (the adults in our family) work hard to help others understand adoption, open adoption, the roles of adoptive parents, and our version of first parents in our children's lives. These roles, I'm sure you find, are constantly changing, advancing. Adoption for us, is often like a roller coaster, feelings surrounding adoption (at least ours) rely mostly on how we are getting along with the families surrounding our children- injected by the ideas or determinations made by people not involved in our (2) triads. You are an inspiration. Your words influence others- like me. An adoptive mom of two boys- working with their/our families to make the world as right as we can for our boys and others like them. You are more than the words others label you with. Thank you for writing. And… please understand that at our house birth (first) mothers rank pretty dang high up there! Should we meet, and hear your story- you would hear gasps and have to ward off spontaneous hugs and live in the golden light of general awe. First moms mean the world to us. Though we often find ourselves ‘outlined’ by other’s definitions of us- we are never truly defined by them. We (the adults in our family) work hard to help others understand adoption, open adoption, the roles of adoptive parents, and our version of first parents in our children’s lives. These roles, I’m sure you find, are constantly changing, advancing. Adoption for us, is often like a roller coaster, feelings surrounding adoption (at least ours) rely mostly on how we are getting along with the families surrounding our children- injected by the ideas or determinations made by people not involved in our (2) triads.
You are an inspiration. Your words influence others- like me. An adoptive mom of two boys- working with their/our families to make the world as right as we can for our boys and others like them. You are more than the words others label you with.
Thank you for writing.

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]]> By: cindy.psbm http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/comment-page-1/#comment-4224 cindy.psbm Tue, 30 Jun 2009 05:02:31 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=805#comment-4224 Amen!!! the reason I am scared to let people know about the fact that I became a birthmom is because I don't want to give up all the other things I am in peoples minds. Everyone is more than just one thing, and we decide how we want to be defined. I think your attitude is awesome. I am desperatly trying to have this same attitude. Thank you for writing. I love what you write :) Amen!!!
the reason I am scared to let people know about the fact that I became a birthmom is because I don’t want to give up all the other things I am in peoples minds.
Everyone is more than just one thing, and we decide how we want to be defined.
I think your attitude is awesome. I am desperatly trying to have this same attitude.
Thank you for writing. I love what you write :)

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]]> By: Karin http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/comment-page-1/#comment-4223 Karin Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:45:54 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=805#comment-4223 Well written post. I want to write something to you I am not sure what. While we have an open adoption agreement with our birthmother we have never met, never shared a letter or any kind of contact yet. We want to thank her, we feel she is part of our family. I want to tell her how much we adore the life she entrusted to us. We will be forever grateful to her. I realize feelings may still be raw for her, we have no idea what her circumstances are but we just have the utmost respect and empathy for her. I want to listen to, support, even to hug her if that is what she wants but also maintain this anonymity if that is what she really needs. For us "birthmother" is a term of utmost respect. Our lives would not be what they are today without the pivotal day that our lives collided. So to you, birthmother, I have a tear in my eye of gratitude, and admiration and respect. I will always be emotional when I think of you. Well written post. I want to write something to you I am not sure what. While we have an open adoption agreement with our birthmother we have never met, never shared a letter or any kind of contact yet. We want to thank her, we feel she is part of our family. I want to tell her how much we adore the life she entrusted to us. We will be forever grateful to her. I realize feelings may still be raw for her, we have no idea what her circumstances are but we just have the utmost respect and empathy for her. I want to listen to, support, even to hug her if that is what she wants but also maintain this anonymity if that is what she really needs. For us “birthmother” is a term of utmost respect. Our lives would not be what they are today without the pivotal day that our lives collided. So to you, birthmother, I have a tear in my eye of gratitude, and admiration and respect. I will always be emotional when I think of you.

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]]> By: Stefanie http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2009/06/29/no-longer-defined-by-one-title/comment-page-1/#comment-4222 Stefanie Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:39:33 +0000 http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/?p=805#comment-4222 Wow, what a post. I may just have to re-read it a few times as I am a prospective adoptive mother (you know PAP, but actually PAM ... but that is my mother's name so it gets a bit confusing. Smile). Anyway, I just stated my adoption blog and wanted to connect with others on this amazing journey. I happened here ... and I really enjoyed the post and the perspective. Wow, what a post. I may just have to re-read it a few times as I am a prospective adoptive mother (you know PAP, but actually PAM … but that is my mother’s name so it gets a bit confusing. Smile).

Anyway, I just stated my adoption blog and wanted to connect with others on this amazing journey. I happened here … and I really enjoyed the post and the perspective.

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