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Open Adoption Roundtable #3: Wishlist

The theme of this (third) roundtable is to, “Share your wish list for your open adoption(s).” My initial answer came fast and easy.

To see Munchkin become a happy adult.

It doesn’t differ much in my goal(s) for my boys. The wording is changed as for the children under my roof, the wish is that I can “help them grow to be happy adults.” Perhaps, in all reality, I could have left that wording in the wish for Munchkin. My existence, my presence, my answers and my love do, in fact, help in that end result. But it’s touchy, the realities of open adoption.

I want people to understand that I am not just sitting here, taking the easy road while her parents deal with the ins and outs of the tough stuff of raising a child. I hate that episode of 20/20 with Barbara Walters and how it portrayed the open adoption lifestyle as such. “All the glory of parenting without the grit.” There’s grit over here. Trust me. But no, I don’t have to say no when it’s tough and I don’t sit at the hospital. But I have a purpose in her life. I do. Ask her. She’ll tell you.

But something else came to mind as I actually sat down to write this post, about twelve hours after my initial answer formed. It’s a bit off the beaten track but, well, that’s how I live my life. Another wish of mine would be that:

By living our open adoption life, others will see that the threat and mislabeled confusion about birth parents, adoptive parents, open adoption and adoptees rights are off base and, as such, will continue to melt away.

I would never form a family unit of our very nature for this reason. I would never go as far as separating more children in the name of a social or scientific experiment (ala Identical Strangers). However, this is the life we are living. I hope, by doing the best we can (and, yes, messing up some here and there along the way), that we can be an example. I’m hoping, of course, that we are a good example, not a negative one. I also hope that my speaking out on the need for adoption reforms and the unnecessary separation of various families will eventually reach a bigger audience but I think living our family life as we do might speak louder than I ever would be able to.

And I’m loud.

So, yes, I really only have two wishes. Those wishes, of course, speak volumes about expectations that things will continue to go well, be worked through when they don’t go well and continue through my daughter’s step into adulthood. I thought those kind of wishes went without saying. I have bigger fish to fry.