How has open adoption changed you? In what ways are you different because the presence of open adoption in your life?
The answer(s): In every way possible.
I am once again assuming that we are not just talking about adoption, in general, and the process of open adoption. Obviously, adoption changed my life in every way possible. Placing my firstborn child changed how I viewed the world, viewed myself. The process of making an open adoption work, however, has changed me in many ways, woven into the ways as to how adoption has changed me.
The best change open adoption has made in my life is that I have learned to be far more compassionate. I was a judgmental fool through high school and college. I now know that people who have the best of intentions still can fall off course, make mistakes and say or do things that they wouldn’t normally say or do. I have learned to apologize when I have wronged people but I have also learned not to tolerate being berated or treated poorly. The latter comes from having my rights walked all over by the unethical agency and the nastiness currently being thrown at me by someone who knows who he is.
The worst change caused by open adoption is that I’m far less trusting (though, that does have its good points) and far less willing to put myself on the line. I’m loyal, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t quickly reach out to make friends. I don’t trust that people are going to do what they say that they are going to do. I really don’t like that about me. I hate that I always doubt people. But the adoption industry and then my experiences with recent nastiness have left me unwilling or unable to make that first move, to trust without fear.
I’m a stronger person in many, many ways. I also believe that open adoption has shaped how I mother, in good ways and “meh” ways. But it’s also affected me in ways that I really wish it wouldn’t have… but that I work hard to combat on a daily basis.
In the end, open adoption has allowed me to watch my daughter grow. Hopefully I can continue to grow because of and in spite of it as well.
[...] of The Chronicles of Munchkin Land says the process of making open adoption work has brought changes both good and bad: more [...]