Inspiration for Reform

Sometimes I doubt myself. I wonder, at times, if I was the only one who was stupid enough to get caught up with an unethical agency. I wonder if in my sheltered naivety and inexperience, if I wasn’t just too blind to see the way that I was being treated by my agency wasn’t exactly right. While I accept my blame, though that isn’t the right word, in the course of everything that happened, I sometimes feel downright silly for not noticing the red flags. I mentally berate myself as I go over everything with the hindsight of six years and think, “Why were you so stupid?”

And then I read this article, the best of its kind in my opinion, and I realize that I’m not alone. It wasn’t just me. I’m not completely stupid (though I was very naive). Others have been taken advantage of, their children caught up in the unethical business of coercive tactics. I’m not the only one.

Of course, at the last line, my heart breaks as I realize the ultimate truth: I’m not the only one. Agencies are taking advantage of scared, naive mothers without support. At that point, I get out of my egocentric pity party type zone and get riled up about the need for reform in adoption. I get so frustrated that things like this are still going on. I get so frustrated that my unethical “agency” is on the sidebar of that particular article, brought in by Google ads. It’s ironic and depressing at the same time.

I am, however, encouraged that the article was written. Something like that would never have been written six years ago. Not that I would have had access to find it at the time. Nor would I have likely believed it as my agency made me believe that they were concerned for my well-being. They weren’t, of course, as made evident by their refusal to provide post-placement care or, you know, provide me with the proper information necessary to make an informed decision. My story aside, I’m hoping people are reading this: mothers of children who are still in diapers, still in elementary school, still in high school, just entering college. Mothers of sons who aren’t yet sexually active but someday will be. Women who aren’t yet mothers. Men who aren’t yet fathers. Perhaps to them, at this moment, the article will just be another in long list of currently “unimportant” articles that they will read today, tomorrow, next week. It will pass through to sit somewhere in the back of their mind. To be honest, I hope they never find reason to pull it to the forefront of their memory, to ask themselves, “Wait, what did that one article that I read in 2009 say about agencies and pregnancy centers and something about coercion?” But, if they do, I hope they believe it.

This isn’t pro-abortion (whatever that is) propaganda. I’m sure the woman who wrote the article doesn’t want every woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy to rush out and abort her baby. It’s not propaganda at all: it’s the blatant, hard-to-read, in-your-face truth. It’s the truth whether you happen to be pro-life or pro-choice. It’s the truth whether or not you know which side of that line you fall on. It’s the truth whatever religion you identify with, whatever political party you side with or whatever you gender happens to be.

Don’t read me wrong: I’m not anti-adoption. We live an example of what good can happen even in spite of a broken, unethical system. We are evidence that good does still exist as long as families are willing to put in a lot of work. (Though, one might argue, that any family has to put in hard work just to keep the wheels moving. No?) Despite the good of our story, the truth is that reform is needed. The truth is that agencies and attorneys need to be held accountable. The truth is that birth and adoptive families need to have counseling made available to them not just in the weeks or months after relinquishment and adoption but in the years and decades after that initial legal paperwork. The truth is that we need change.

I can only hope that this article and those yet to come will not only educate… but inspire.